I woke up with a high fever one night and just felt suddenly worried for the baby, knowing I was too hot.

I now get the flu jab at the first opportunity when pregnant, and advise expectant mothers to do so too.

Heartbreaking stories. Devastating stories. The miscarriage story needs to change. That's why we've created Tommy's book of #misCOURAGE. Read this story now and help spread the word that miscarriage can no longer be ignored. Help us change the story to save babies' lives.


by Jane

May 2016

I started trying for my first baby not long after I got married. We were thrilled when just a few months later, I was pregnant!
After the initial rush of excitement kicked in, the fear started. I was a regular poster on an online baby forum and had seen other people posting about going through miscarriages. I was really scared that this baby that I wanted so much might die.

I noticed that didn't have strong pregnancy symptoms, just a bit of tiredness. I booked in for an early scan at 9 weeks to try and put my mind at rest. The scan took place just before Christmas and all was well - the baby measured perfectly, and was kicking it's legs around! I was thrilled!

We announced our pregnancy to our family at Christmas by putting a scan picture in the Christmas cards when I was nearly 11 weeks

My husband fell ill around this time, and was told it was probably swine flu. Unfortunately, I contracted whatever it was he had and was really ill. My fever was sky high and couldn't be brought down with paracetamol. I woke up with a high fever one night during it and just felt suddenly worried for the baby, knowing I was too hot. In hindsight I wonder if that's when the baby died.

I went for my dating scan at the start of January, when I was about 12.5 weeks. During the scan, the sonographer was silent. I looked at the motionless baby on the screen and willed it to move, but it didn't. I think I knew before they told me, and before they proved it by showing that blood wasn't flowing to the baby. I felt numb. I was told the baby had probably died the previous week, around the time I'd been ill. I've since found that there is a link to swine flu and miscarriage.

The medical management was started later that day. In a lot of ways, this was the most traumatic bit. I was told it would take a few hours to start and to lay on the hospital bed with the pessary inserted for an hour before I could go home. During that hour, "labour" started. It brought on a panic attack and I felt like I was going to die.

It was extreme pain and I felt so scared and alone - the nurses were in and out

I went home where I started bleeding very heavily with clots. I thought the worst was over. But a few days later I was on the toilet when I pushed out a large solid lump - looking into the toilet I saw that it was the baby. I could even see the little blood vessels. I was home alone and I panicked, distressed, and flushed the toilet. That still haunts me even now 6 years on.

I went on to conceive again a few months later - my eldest son. Without my loss, I could never have conceived him. He is my rainbow baby and I treasured him even more as a result of what I'd been through. I now get the flu jab at the first opportunity when pregnant, and advise expectant mothers to do so too.




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Please note that the opinions expressed by users in Tommy’s Book of #misCOURAGE are solely those of the user, who is unlikely to have had medical training. These opinions do not represent the opinions of Tommy’s and are not advice from Tommy's. Reading individual, real-life experiences can be a helpful resource, but it is never a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment from a qualified health care provider. We strongly advise readers not to take drugs that are not prescribed by your qualified healthcare provider. If you think you may have a medical emergency, call your doctor, midwife or hospital immediately. Read full disclaimer


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