#misCOURAGE story, 17/05/2017, by Alice
My Husband and I got married last July we then went on an amazing honeymoon.
Just little under a month later, whilst we were on a family weekend away at my brother's new house, we found out we were pregnant in the car park of Tescos because we were to excited to wait till we got back to the house.
I will never forget that moment and the joy we felt and also being able to tell the family as it's not often I'm with them all.
It just truly felt like fate finding out and all being together it was perfect.
The next few months was pretty perfect too the planning of every detail finally being able to use my childcare books for our baby rather than other people's children (I have been a nanny/childminder for 8 years) we literally had everything planned that we could and I'd even got my husband a gift for him and the baby to give to him after our first scan.
Now we'd had conversations about the what ifs but if I'm completely honest I never expected it, particularly as I had every pregnancy symptom going everything pointed to a perfect healthy pregnancy.
At our first scan we were told the baby had no heartbeat I will never forget that moment the look on the lady's face when she told us and the scan screen with our tiny little baby in a womb that had kept growing.
Nothing could be done for a while so until then it was being at home dealing with my morning sickness along with everything else until 3 days later when another scan confirmed everything we had had a missed miscarriage which we had never even heard of before.
I was given medical management and a leaflet to take home where I miscarried our baby.
That's pretty much all I was given, so in terms of emotional support after, there wasn't any.
I found it extremely difficult hearing people's 'it was your body's practice run' or ' it's just one of those things ' but what I found even harder were the people who didn't even acknowledge it to me after all we'd just lost our first baby.
After a very rough 3 months of recovery for my body We found out we were pregnant again Seeing those lines on that test was a completely different experience and we were just filled with absolute fear.
I was instantly convinced we would loose this baby too we've had lots of extra scans and those in its self is the most scary thing. Every time, we've also had more than a few scares along the way and trips to hospital which has enhanced our worries.
The thing with having a missed miscarriage is there are normally no signs at all that anything is wrong until a scan, so that following into another pregnancy I don't think there has been a day that's gone by that I haven't thought the worse.
It's such a hard journey in what should be a fun exciting time.
I truly won't be able to exhale properly until we are holding our little boy in our arms. I am 22 weeks now and so extremely grateful for every day further that we get.
The support we get from a few particular people is incredible, it's been from the start right up until now and has really helped to keep us going, and they have really acknowledged just how hard this journey is for my husband as well.
I found out about Tommy's the week I had to have medical management and the work they do is fantastic, also the advice and support through another pregnancy is really helpful.
Later this year my husband and his best friend are riding the London Prudential raising money for Tommy's and we are also doing a charity curry night next month as well I really couldn't think of a better charity to raise money for.
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