I was broken: why me? How would I ever come to terms with it?

I remember coming round and sobbing to the nurse and shouting; I’m not pregnant!

Jo

by Jo Amoss

May 2016

I found out I was pregnant with my 3rd baby in Nov 2013. I was so exicted and I thought because it was my 3rd nothing would go wrong, so on Christmas day I told my daughter's age 7 and 3 at the time. As a family we couldn't wait I saw the mw at 8 weeks and my due date was the 7 Aug.

Over New Year I remember saying to my hubby that something wasn't right. At 11 weeks I was having a scan when the lady said; I'm just getting the doctor. I knew then something wasn't right. He did an internal scan and said; I'm.very sorry your baby's heart has stopped you have had a missed miscarrige, could you come back next week so we can confirm.

I was broken, I didn't know how to feel.

I went back the week after to be told the baby's heart stopped at 11 weeks, then they made me come back again for one more scan the week after. So  two weeks after being told the worse news I saw I asked for D&C.I went home that night and explained to my girls that the baby had been poorly and was going to heaven. I went in for my D&C and asked my husband to stay with girls so it was a normal day for them.

I was broken: why me?  how would I ever come to terms with it? I remember coming round and sobbing to the nurse and shouting I'm not pregnant! After an hour I was sent home and no one gave me any help. I felt like I had to get on with it. I saw the doctor two weeks after who told me they had done some tests on the baby and there were too many chromosomes.

The one thing that gets me is that I didn't know the sex. I remember my baby on my due date and I still cry now and wish I had help to deal with it. But talking about it now helps me. On 26 October 2014 I found out I was having my rainbow baby. There were lots off mixed emotions, I couldn't enjoy my pregnancy but on my birthday the 29 may 2015 I gave birth to my son Charlie. I feel blessed to have him x

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