That moment you pee on a stick and get that tiny little blue line you've been dreaming of is the most amazing day of your life.
When I got my big fat positive I was in shock! Finally after trying for over a year I was pregnant. I was in love. I was a mummy. I had plans!
Then the unthinkable happened when I was walking round Ikea on Valentine's Day I had a pain I didn't feel was right. I was only 6 weeks along and I just knew something was wrong.
After spending what felt like hours in A&E I was told it was probably a miscarriage but as it was a weekend they wanted to wait until the Early pregnancy unit opened on the Monday to redo my bloods and scan me to confirm.
That was the longest weekend of my life.
I cried, I screamed, my heart was breaking and I didn't really know who to turn to.
It took a long time to recover from my loss and it seemed as though everyone around me was having babies of their own.
I struggled and struggled to fall pregnant again and after further tests I was told I have PCOS. I was started on chlomid and after our 5th cycle I fell pregnant again. The joy was overwhelming and the fear I'd lose my second pregnancy was unbearable.
Just as I was starting to relax and plan my future the pain started again. I was only 9 weeks along. Sitting in the EPU for the 2nd time made me feel terrified. I was scanned and told that I had 2 sacs this time and I had miscarried again.
Twins! My world ended! I was booked in for surgery and left feeling broken as a woman. I had failed again!
I am still trying to fall pregnant and bring my miracle baby into the world. I have now been told I have a blocked tube and adhesions to my womb.
I was going to start IVF treatment a few years ago but my marriage ended after losing my twins and it has taken time to settle into my new relationship and be ready. Unfortunately IVF is no longer available on the NHS in my area and financially the cost is too high for me at the moment.
I pray that one day I will be blessed with my rainbow baby but for now I will never forget my butterfly babies and I wish all of those who have suffered the way I have, will find peace and joy with their own miracle stories one day too.
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