I still have hope

We were devastated and it took a while for us to discover our new normal.

Story of Miscourage

Heartbreaking stories. Devastating stories. The miscarriage story needs to change. That's why we've created Tommy's book of #misCOURAGE. Read this story now and help spread the word that miscarriage can no longer be ignored. Help us change the story to save babies' lives.

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#misCOURAGE 04/10/17 by Jemma Yoloye

Over 18 months my husband and I suffered 4 consecutive miscarriages. This all happened whilst I was at university and then began my new job. It tore me apart, I didn't feel like a woman anymore. I felt like my body was failing me. Then in September last year after our trip to South Africa, I found out I was pregnant. All the fears returned, but we tried to remain hopeful.

This pregnancy was unlike any other pregnancy I had as I became violently sick. I couldn't hold any food down and even water caused me to violently throw up. After many visits to the doctors I was diagnosed with Hyperemesis Gravidarium. 

At the hospital I was scanned to see if I was pregnant with twins. My husband and I held our breath at the scan and when they turned the monitor around we saw flickering on the screen. This was confirmed as the babies heartbeat. We got excited but remained cautiously excited.

Weeks passed by and I was on various medication to control the Hyperemesis Gravidarium and there was constant visits to the hospital to be placed on a drip. 

Soon at 22 weeks I was back in hospital as I had slight bleeding and became worried. When the doctors examined me, they informed me my cervix had begun to open and I also had bulging membranes. I panicked.

They performed an operation to try and hold the cervix together by placing a stitch there. 

On February 14th I was 23 weeks and 5 days pregnant and went into preterm labour. On February 16th our daughter was born sleeping eternally. 

We were devastated and it took a while for us to discover our new normal. 

Just recently we have suffered yet another miscarriage, and as I write this I am still feeling the effects of the miscarriage. I began to miscarry on Monday 31st July 2017.

I still have hope that one day my husband and I will bring home our baby, and we will have the family that we desire.

After experiencing a stillbirth. I decided to write this poem to try and express how I feel and to help with healing. 

What's expected of me 
Am I expected to behave in a certain manner
Should I cry in public, sulk, grieve or display my anger 
I lost my child, and all future plans
This I refuse to understand 

What's expected of me
Am I expected to take your words of comfort 
Should I smile, laugh and or acknowledge your effort 
I lost my child, yes I feel bitter 
Of late I've become quite a quitter 

What's expected of me
Is there a time scale for me to adhere to
Should I complete my grieving in a week or two
As time goes by, I now realise 
I'll grieve in my own time, my own way for the child I lost and will miss always 

I never heard her cry, she never saw my face, but in my heart I know my princess is in a better place. 

I love you always my princess Iyanuoluwa. 

We names our daughter 

Iyanuoluwa Daniella Yoloye

Her first name means Gods miracle, her second name means God has judge or God is judge and her last name is our family name (my married surname)

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Disclaimer

Please note that the opinions expressed by users in Tommy’s Book of #misCOURAGE are solely those of the user, who is unlikely to have had medical training. These opinions do not represent the opinions of Tommy’s and are not advice from Tommy's. Reading individual, real-life experiences can be a helpful resource, but it is never a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment from a qualified health care provider. We strongly advise readers not to take drugs that are not prescribed by your qualified healthcare provider. If you think you may have a medical emergency, call your doctor, midwife or hospital immediately. Read full disclaimer

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