We'd been trying for 3 months when I was in lots of pain and went to the doctor who told me I was pregnant but that it was possibly ectopic with the pain I was having. We were rushed to a scan which showed a baby in the right place and a large cyst on my ovary which was causing the pain.
I was told to go away and take paracetamol. I bled up until my 12 week scan but I wasn't worried as it was OK at 7 weeks. They found I had a missed miscarriage and that the baby had gone. I had to then be booked in for a D&C. Three months later I got pregnant again and was excited but scared, the joy didn't last long as I started miscarrying at 8 weeks.
A scan confirmed that my body had cleared this time. A couple of months later I was pregnant again and lost it while we was away on holiday at 6 weeks. I wasn't offered a scan but was booked-in with a consultant to investigate all my losses.
We decided to stop trying and concentrate on getting married instead so I started planning the wedding to find I was pregnant again at my consultation appointment.
It was decided the hospital would scan me every 2 weeks. I tried not to think about the pregnancy and just get on with the wedding plans as I didn't want all the hurt again. All the scans went great and 9 months later I got to hold the baby girl I'd always wanted. She was perfect and filled the hole in my heart that was missing. We had a great 18 months together she was clever, sweet and the perfect little girl we did so much. Then I found her one morning in bed she had grown her angel wings and couldn't come back. I was heartbroken but also 11 weeks pregnant I had to stay strong for the life growing inside my rainbow.
It was a hard pregnancy and I didn't bond with her to begin with, even when I found out she was another girl. She is now 15 months old and is the one thing that keeps me smiling through all this heartache.
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