I started planning the wedding to find I was pregnant again at my consultation appointment

I tried not to think about the pregnancy and just get on with the wedding plans as I didn't want all the hurt again.

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May 2016

We'd been trying for 3 months when I was in lots of pain and went to the doctor who told me I was pregnant but that it was possibly ectopic with the pain I was having. We were rushed to a scan which showed a baby in the right place and a large cyst on my ovary which was causing the pain.

I was told to go away and take paracetamol. I bled up until my 12 week scan but I wasn't worried as it was OK at 7 weeks. They found I had a missed miscarriage and that the baby had gone. I had to then be booked in for a D&C. Three months later I got pregnant again and was  excited but scared, the joy didn't last long as I started miscarrying at 8 weeks.

A scan confirmed that my body had cleared this time. A couple of months later I was pregnant again and lost it while we was away on holiday at 6 weeks. I wasn't offered a scan but was booked-in with a consultant to investigate all my losses.

We decided to stop trying and concentrate on getting married instead so I started planning the wedding to find I was pregnant again at my consultation appointment.

It was decided the hospital would scan me every 2 weeks. I tried not to think about the pregnancy and just get on with the wedding plans as I didn't want all the hurt again. All the scans went great and 9 months later I got to hold the baby girl I'd always wanted. She was perfect and filled the hole in my heart that was missing. We had a great 18 months together she was clever, sweet and the perfect little girl we did so much. Then I found her one morning in bed she had grown her angel wings and couldn't come back. I was heartbroken but also 11 weeks pregnant I had to stay strong for the life growing inside my rainbow.

It was a hard pregnancy and I didn't bond with her to begin with, even when I found out she was another girl. She is now 15 months old and is the one thing that keeps me smiling through all this heartache.

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Please note that the opinions expressed by users in Tommy’s Book of #misCOURAGE are solely those of the user, who is unlikely to have had medical training. These opinions do not represent the opinions of Tommy’s and are not advice from Tommy's. Reading individual, real-life experiences can be a helpful resource, but it is never a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment from a qualified health care provider. We strongly advise readers not to take drugs that are not prescribed by your qualified healthcare provider. If you think you may have a medical emergency, call your doctor, midwife or hospital immediately. Read full disclaimer

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