I spent the next few years really struggling to deal with a lot of differently emotions. I just tried to blank it all out like it never happened.

I sought help myself. I spoke with a therapist and I can now say I have dealt with it and understand a lot better why it happened.

Heartbreaking stories. Devastating stories. The miscarriage story needs to change. That's why we've created Tommy's book of #misCOURAGE. Read this story now and help spread the word that miscarriage can no longer be ignored. Help us change the story to save babies' lives.

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by Sophie

May 2016

I'd just turned 19, when I found out I was pregnant. I was scared, worried as I was on the pill and didn't think it was possible to get pregnant. I was in steady relationship. Abortion didn't cross my mind. I wouldn't be able to live with myself. 

I kept having irregular bleeding and after a month of feeling so tired and unwell, the irregular bleeding had stopped. I was concerned. I spoke with my GP, who took some blood. I still wasn't convinced. Every women knows their own body and there just wasn't something right. 

I took a test 3 times all came back positive. I spoke with my GP and a week later he confirmed I was pregnant. 
One week after I told my partner at the time and our families. Everyone was so happy for us. We the waited for our 12 week scan.

Two weeks before my scan, I popped to the toilet at work, and noticed I was bleeding. My boss took me to A&E, my mum met me there. I was seen in A&E by a horrible female doctor. She was rude, in-compassionate and showed no emotion, she just said your possibly having a miscarriage, it happens, and sent me away. She asked me how far along I was, I explained what had happened and that I didn't know I was pregnant as I was on the pill. She said there was no point in sending me for a scan as it might not show anything. 

Two days later I went and spoke with my GP to get signed off work. She immediately phoned my local hospital and got me a slot for a scan. At the hospital I was sitting in a waiting room, full of very happy couples, all to see their babies. I just felt so lost. My name was called I had an internal scan. It was confirmed I was having a miscarriage, I didn't cry, I didn't listen to what they were saying I do not remember anything; from putting my clothes back on to seeing my sister when I got home. It was then the emotion came flooding out, I didn't cry up until this point. I just remember how heartbroken I was.

I had never met this baby or even wanted to be pregnant this time 2 months before. But yet I had all this emotion inside me, that I never knew existed. I thought I was being stupid.  After having my cervix cleaned and having gone through the pain which was like no pain I have ever felt before. That was it all over and done with. I returned to work after 2 weeks off and was thinking of a 2 week holiday with my partner. 

My relationship broken down. And still to this day will never forgive the doctor in A&E. I had no support from an medical team. I just felt like I was dumped. I spent the next few years really struggling to deal with a lot of differently emotions. I just tried to blank it all out like it never happened. 

I sought help myself. I spoke with a therapist and I can now say I have dealt with it and understand a lot better why it happened. The only thing that concerns me now, is will I be able to carry a baby again? Or will I miscarry again?  If I do, then I'm now better prepared to deal with it.

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Disclaimer

Please note that the opinions expressed by users in Tommy’s Book of #misCOURAGE are solely those of the user, who is unlikely to have had medical training. These opinions do not represent the opinions of Tommy’s and are not advice from Tommy's. Reading individual, real-life experiences can be a helpful resource, but it is never a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment from a qualified health care provider. We strongly advise readers not to take drugs that are not prescribed by your qualified healthcare provider. If you think you may have a medical emergency, call your doctor, midwife or hospital immediately. Read full disclaimer

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