I'd just turned 19, when I found out I was pregnant. I was scared, worried as I was on the pill and didn't think it was possible to get pregnant. I was in steady relationship. Abortion didn't cross my mind. I wouldn't be able to live with myself.
I kept having irregular bleeding and after a month of feeling so tired and unwell, the irregular bleeding had stopped. I was concerned. I spoke with my GP, who took some blood. I still wasn't convinced. Every women knows their own body and there just wasn't something right.
I took a test 3 times all came back positive. I spoke with my GP and a week later he confirmed I was pregnant.
One week after I told my partner at the time and our families. Everyone was so happy for us. We the waited for our 12 week scan.
Two weeks before my scan, I popped to the toilet at work, and noticed I was bleeding. My boss took me to A&E, my mum met me there. I was seen in A&E by a horrible female doctor. She was rude, in-compassionate and showed no emotion, she just said your possibly having a miscarriage, it happens, and sent me away. She asked me how far along I was, I explained what had happened and that I didn't know I was pregnant as I was on the pill. She said there was no point in sending me for a scan as it might not show anything.
Two days later I went and spoke with my GP to get signed off work. She immediately phoned my local hospital and got me a slot for a scan. At the hospital I was sitting in a waiting room, full of very happy couples, all to see their babies. I just felt so lost. My name was called I had an internal scan. It was confirmed I was having a miscarriage, I didn't cry, I didn't listen to what they were saying I do not remember anything; from putting my clothes back on to seeing my sister when I got home. It was then the emotion came flooding out, I didn't cry up until this point. I just remember how heartbroken I was.
I had never met this baby or even wanted to be pregnant this time 2 months before. But yet I had all this emotion inside me, that I never knew existed. I thought I was being stupid. After having my cervix cleaned and having gone through the pain which was like no pain I have ever felt before. That was it all over and done with. I returned to work after 2 weeks off and was thinking of a 2 week holiday with my partner.
My relationship broken down. And still to this day will never forgive the doctor in A&E. I had no support from an medical team. I just felt like I was dumped. I spent the next few years really struggling to deal with a lot of differently emotions. I just tried to blank it all out like it never happened.
I sought help myself. I spoke with a therapist and I can now say I have dealt with it and understand a lot better why it happened. The only thing that concerns me now, is will I be able to carry a baby again? Or will I miscarry again? If I do, then I'm now better prepared to deal with it.
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