I remember having a very early scan and holding my breath waiting to see if there was a heartbeat

Every time I saw my baby or heard her heartbeat I would always feel like there was a relief from the weight on my chest.

Heartbreaking stories. Devastating stories. The miscarriage story needs to change. That's why we've created Tommy's book of #misCOURAGE. Read this story now and help spread the word that miscarriage can no longer be ignored. Help us change the story to save babies' lives.

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by Charlotte Paxman

May 2016

I just wanted to share my story as I felt alone when I was trying for a baby and suffered my early miscarriage. I hope sharing it with people would help. My husband and I tried for a baby for just over a year when we finally fell pregnant. At first I was so excited but deep down something just did not feel right and whatever I did I couldn't shake it. Sure enough my instinct was right somewhere between 6 and 7 weeks pregnant I had a miscarriage, in my heart I knew something just didn't feel right. I knew it wasn't my fault and I do believe they happen for a reason but at same time it hurt my husband and I a lot and put a strain on our relationship as we began to lose hope that we would ever get the child we so badly wanted. 

However 2 months later we got our miracle, I was pregnant again and thrilled but so nervous so much so that the nerves of losing my baby again overtook my excitement.

I just felt that if it happened again how would I cope. I remember having a very early scan and holding my breath waiting to see if there was a heartbeat and there it was flickering away on the screen. Every time I saw my baby or heard her heartbeat I would always feel like there was a relief from the weight on my chest. 

The weight finally lifted on the 13th January 2016 when my beautiful little rainbow baby was born healthy we called her Florence. I can't tell you how I felt when I saw her and how I feel everytime I look at her, words can't describe it. I just can't believe this amazing little girl is mine.

Everyday I breathe in her baby smell and kiss her and hold on to those moments, I am truly grateful for my rainbow baby every single day.

But there is not a moment that goes by that I don't think about my baby, that I lost. I will always wonder and think about what he or she could of been like but I know that I have one Angel here on earth and one Angel in heaven both I hold so close in my heart.

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Disclaimer

Please note that the opinions expressed by users in Tommy’s Book of #misCOURAGE are solely those of the user, who is unlikely to have had medical training. These opinions do not represent the opinions of Tommy’s and are not advice from Tommy's. Reading individual, real-life experiences can be a helpful resource, but it is never a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment from a qualified health care provider. We strongly advise readers not to take drugs that are not prescribed by your qualified healthcare provider. If you think you may have a medical emergency, call your doctor, midwife or hospital immediately. Read full disclaimer

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