by Charlotte Paxman
I just wanted to share my story as I felt alone when I was trying for a baby and suffered my early miscarriage. I hope sharing it with people would help. My husband and I tried for a baby for just over a year when we finally fell pregnant. At first I was so excited but deep down something just did not feel right and whatever I did I couldn't shake it. Sure enough my instinct was right somewhere between 6 and 7 weeks pregnant I had a miscarriage, in my heart I knew something just didn't feel right. I knew it wasn't my fault and I do believe they happen for a reason but at same time it hurt my husband and I a lot and put a strain on our relationship as we began to lose hope that we would ever get the child we so badly wanted.
However 2 months later we got our miracle, I was pregnant again and thrilled but so nervous so much so that the nerves of losing my baby again overtook my excitement.
I just felt that if it happened again how would I cope. I remember having a very early scan and holding my breath waiting to see if there was a heartbeat and there it was flickering away on the screen. Every time I saw my baby or heard her heartbeat I would always feel like there was a relief from the weight on my chest.
The weight finally lifted on the 13th January 2016 when my beautiful little rainbow baby was born healthy we called her Florence. I can't tell you how I felt when I saw her and how I feel everytime I look at her, words can't describe it. I just can't believe this amazing little girl is mine.
Everyday I breathe in her baby smell and kiss her and hold on to those moments, I am truly grateful for my rainbow baby every single day.
But there is not a moment that goes by that I don't think about my baby, that I lost. I will always wonder and think about what he or she could of been like but I know that I have one Angel here on earth and one Angel in heaven both I hold so close in my heart.
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