I remember the doctor saying there was no chance of survival

That was 13 years ago and I remember it like it was yesterday.

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May 2016

I was 26 and I wanted a baby more than anything in the world. I took a test and low and behold after a year of trying, I got that blue line! I was absolutely ecstatic, I remember crying with happiness ringing my mum and telling her. I was only 5 weeks pregnant and it seemed such a wait until my 12 week scan. I had my scan and everything was looking good, I'd had morning sickness and felt pretty yucky but hey it was worth it. Then at 14 weeks I started spotting. I panicked and went to the early pregnancy unit where I was in a right state but there I heard my baby's heartbeat on a Doppler for the first time.

I was so relieved. The midwife told me a lot of women bleed in pregnancy and not to worry try and rest . The bleeding didn't really ease up for the next month and I was backwards and forwards to the hospital, I had a scan, everything was ok with the baby but oh my gosh I was bleeding heavily I remember running to the toilet on numerous occasions with my hands between my legs as I would lose another huge clot.

I was 19 weeks ... I woke up one morning and was covered in blood I panicked and was crying uncontrollably my partner rang the hospital and I had to get in the shower and he took me straight down to the hospital. I had a scan and was told my waters had broken. My baby was alive, there was a heartbeat, and with that heartbeat there was hope.

For the next 24 hours I was monitored there was no water round my baby and the doctor came and spoke to me.

At this time I was pretty ill, exhausted and emotionally drained.

I remember him saying there was no chance of survival and that my baby's lungs wouldn't develop and would be born with all its limbs stiff and would never survive. I asked about treatment and he told me of 3 cases and 3 different scenarios he had dealt with. All ended the same way. I gave birth to my baby on 22/11/02 to baby Thomas who weighed 1 pound and was alive until he was born . Absolutely heartbroken, I focused on his funeral where I carried his tiny white coffin and buried him in the baby garden.

That was 13 years ago and I remember it like it was yesterday. I wonder who he would look like, what he would be doing now and how much I would've loved him. RIP baby Thomas. You live on through your brother whom I conceived 4 years after you were born sleeping. I was so lucky to get the chance to become a mummy I know a lot of people don't so I treasure very moment I have with him xxx

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Disclaimer

Please note that the opinions expressed by users in Tommy’s Book of #misCOURAGE are solely those of the user, who is unlikely to have had medical training. These opinions do not represent the opinions of Tommy’s and are not advice from Tommy's. Reading individual, real-life experiences can be a helpful resource, but it is never a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment from a qualified health care provider. We strongly advise readers not to take drugs that are not prescribed by your qualified healthcare provider. If you think you may have a medical emergency, call your doctor, midwife or hospital immediately. Read full disclaimer

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