We started trying for our first baby on Christmas Day 2014 with so much hope and excitement but without a clue as to what would come. We fell pregnant fairly quickly after about 4 months and were so excited to see a positive pregnancy test!! Sadly after around 6 weeks pregnant I started spotting and then bleeding. Doctors confirmed we were miscarrying. I remember feeling very sad as within weeks of discovering we were planning for a family to discover it was all gone in a flash. Although we had kept the pregnancy secret from many, we had begun to think of names, ideas for nursery, due dates and when I would finish work. Luckily we had a holiday booked the following week which meant my husband and I could be together and talk and relax. Heavy bleeding discomfort and headaches for a week and after all of that we began to move forward.
We started trying again a few months later and fell pregnant straight away. I was excited again but very nervous this time. Watching and feeling for any signs of miscarriage again. After around 8 weeks spotting started. I felt devastated and confused. Was it all over again? Why was it happening again? What if I couldn't carry a baby? After a month of ups and downs and doctors giving hope due to bleeding stopping for a few weeks, the emotional roller coaster was over.
I miscarried for the second time at 10 weeks. It was very painful this time both physically and emotionally. I questioned everything I ate and wondered if I had done something to cause it. I felt bitterness towards other people who could fall pregnant with ease and without any problem and without caring what they did or aye or drank! I soon realised everyone has a story and it's rare for pregnancies to work out so perfectly. Unfortunately many friends have lost babies at different stages and some desperately trying after many years.
After another holiday(!) rescuing a dog (!) and Counselling we started trying again. Third time lucky it worked out for us and we are truly thankful every day for beautiful Olive our now 10 month big bundle of joy!
Lots of love to all those out there who have experienced this traumatic event but wishing hope for a successful future xxx
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