I lost 3 souls within one year.
Just unlucky they said.
My heart was ripped in two,
My wretched body bled and bled.
Well, at least you can try again.
Oh really, do you understand?
I'm not sure what my heart can take
What my marriage can withstand.
I'm trying to let my partner in
To not be distant or sad
But he deals with things so differently
And gets so very mad.
I'm angry too at the world
For being so unfair
Both in jobs where everyday
We see the result of lack of care.
But angry doesn't pay the bills
Or make it any better
Nor waiting for more results
Or the post, another letter.
Today more news of pregnant friends.
I paint the smile upon my face
What did I do so badly wrong
In another time or place?
Some days are good
but some hold too much pain
I wonder how I'll make it through.
I break my heart over again
Not knowing what to do.
No sibling for our little boy,
We'll never know who you would have been
What I wouldn't give right now
To be woken to a newborn cry or scream.
So when you say try again
My body stiffens in pain
What if this time I cannot make it through?
What if I crumble or go insane?
There is only so much heartbreak
We can put ourselves through
I've had my fill, no more for me
No matter how much I wanted you.
For me now will always be
What if I tried again?
Would we be lucky? Would it work out?
Or more physical and mental pain?
I'm broken now
I will never be the same
Part of me is missing
And no one is to blame.
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