I looked inside the "bubble" and my heart broke

I could see my baby's eyes, hands, legs everything was there. I screamed for my boyfriend and just ran out the room and cried.

Rebecca Sonogram

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October 2016

Rebecca

When me and my partner first found out I was pregnant we were so scared as we already have a baby girl. We both decided to keep our baby (I'd never go through an abortion anyway).

We both quickly decided to start coming up with names and plan our future. We wasn't so sure about a girls names but for a boys names we picked Jordan.

I told my partners family a few days after we found out that I was pregnant they were happy for us but said it will be hard as they've done it themselves (got pregnant less than a year after giving birth).

We then decided to tell my family but they didn't take it as well as my partners family. At the end of the day I was pregnant and no one could do anything to change that.

I signed myself and my daughter up to a mother and baby fitness group. I was doing everything they told me to do and I even started eating healthy for a day then it stopped. We were then doing that once a week. 

Then it came to my Nan's birthday and I bought her 2 tickets for a Harry Potter Tour with my Grandad. Their house needed tidying as they have loads of things they don't need or no longer want. Me and my parent were carrying heavy things out also looking after our daughter at the same time.

When they came back there was a lot of arguing that started and I was mostly involved. I was shouting and crying all the time. This was when I started bleeding and had really bad stomach pain.

I phoned up the hospital and they booked me to have a scan. I was so scared I just wanted my baby to be safe. One of the nurses turned the screen round so nobody could see it I thought something was wrong.

She turned the screen towards me and said "there's your baby and your baby's heartbeat, your baby is completely fine" I was so happy! They gave me a scan photo and joked with everyone and told them I was having twins haha which I wasn't there was only 1 baby.

The next day I had to go to the mother and baby fitness group I thought since my baby is fine I may as well do it. I had the worst pain I've ever had at that time and I couldn't carry on. I went home with sharp pains in my stomach. When I got home I just lay flat on my bed and feel asleep.

The next day was the worst day of my life 22.06.16. I phoned the hospital and told them the pain was worse they told me they can't do anything until next week. I lay crying in pain on my bed.

Around 2 o'clock in the afternoon I went to the toilet. I wiped and there was what I thought a bubble of blood. I looked closer because I never experienced this before and no one ever told me about it.

I looked inside the "bubble" and my heart just broke. It was my baby in the sac, my baby Jordan died at exactly 8 weeks old.

I could see my baby's eyes, hands, legs everything was there. I screamed for my boyfriend and just ran out the room and cried.

He told me it was our baby and I just didn't know what to do. I just kept blaming myself and to this day I still do.

All my baby wanted to do was rest and I went to a fitness class knowing I was bleeding and having pains. After what happened all the pain in my stomach just left as if nothing had happened. I buried my 8 week old Jordan Brooklyn Miller next to my dad.

I will never forget that day but we always act as if he is still here even if we can't see him/her. We will never get over the loss of our baby!

Me , daddy and Jessica love you lots Jordan sleep tight my angel X 

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Disclaimer

Please note that the opinions expressed by users in Tommy’s Book of #misCOURAGE are solely those of the user, who is unlikely to have had medical training. These opinions do not represent the opinions of Tommy’s and are not advice from Tommy's. Reading individual, real-life experiences can be a helpful resource, but it is never a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment from a qualified health care provider. We strongly advise readers not to take drugs that are not prescribed by your qualified healthcare provider. If you think you may have a medical emergency, call your doctor, midwife or hospital immediately. Read full disclaimer

Comments

  • By kel (not verified) on 16 Oct 2016 - 08:34

    I am so sorry for the loss of your son Jordan, I lost a baby at 8 weeks and when I was spotting before this I asked my GP if I should rest/avoid exercise/ not work etc. and he assured me it would make no difference to the outcome of the pregnancy (whether it would survive or I would miscarry) he said it just might make me question whether I done something wrong if I, for example, rode a bike then started miscarrying, but that it wouldn't actually be that causing it. I hope this can help you even a tiny bit to not blame yourself/be so hard on yourself - but I also know it's kinda just what we do isn't it.?take care of yourself x

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