I kept waiting for someone to tell me it'd been a big mistake

I hadn't had any bleeding or pain. Surely I hadn't miscarried?

Heartbreaking stories. Devastating stories. The miscarriage story needs to change. That's why we've created Tommy's book of #misCOURAGE. Read this story now and help spread the word that miscarriage can no longer be ignored. Help us change the story to save babies' lives.

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May 2016

Since late 2014, my husband and I have been trying for a baby. In March this year we decided to see our GP, as nothing had yet happened. Unfortunately, we were advised to hold off from tests as at the time I was suffering from pneumonia. However, little did we know that I was already pregnant by this time. On 2 April our hopes and dreams were confirmed by 4 different pregnancy tests. Having a baby was all I've ever wanted, I was on cloud nine.

Things went well in April, I had consistent pregnancy symptoms (tiredness, sore breasts, some food aversions) and our countdown to our 12week scan progressed. 

I struggled with anxiety in the first month, so we decided to have a private scan. The scanner picked up a strong heartbeat and dated our baby a few days earlier than our NHS date predictor.

This got us so excited, so we started planning how we'd tell our families. We both had special family events during my 11th week and decided that would be the right time but we'd have another private scan two days before - mainly so we would have an up to date photo.

Scan day arrived and my nervousness kicked in, so much so that when we walked into the scan room, I told the woman I'd convinced myself something was wrong. I lay down and we soon saw an image of our baby. But the scanner's face revealed something was wrong. I closed my eyes and started to cry, as she double checked our dates and asked when we were due our 12 week scan. She then told us that she couldn't find a heartbeat and that the baby was measuring 8w2d, not 10w6d as expected.

I could actually feel my heartbreaking as she said these words. 

Two days later, the EPAU rescanned me and said the same thing as the private scan. I kept waiting for someone to tell me it'd been a big mistake, as I hadn't had any bleeding or pain. Surely I hadn't miscarried?

A week later, the EPAU confirmed the miscarriage and told me I should have the D&C the next day, as my body (one month later), still hadn't realised I'd miscarried. I was glad with this decision, as the waiting for nature to take it's course was taking it's toll on me. I was struggling to cope.

Yesterday I went in for my D&C, with sadness in my heart but relief that the short procedure would allow me some closure. Unfortunately, what should have been a quick procedure turned into a dramatic operation. I lost nearly 2litres of blood and was unconscious for 3hours. I was rushed by ambulance to a larger hospital and hooked up to goodness knows how many wires.

I was allowed home today, after 24hrs in hospital and although my heart remains broken and I'm in a lot of pain from the operation, I hope the healing process can now begin.

I'm desperate to try again, but petrified in case this happens another time. I honestly don't think I could cope.

Thinking of all of you who have been through a miscarriage, I honestly wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy 

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Disclaimer

Please note that the opinions expressed by users in Tommy’s Book of #misCOURAGE are solely those of the user, who is unlikely to have had medical training. These opinions do not represent the opinions of Tommy’s and are not advice from Tommy's. Reading individual, real-life experiences can be a helpful resource, but it is never a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment from a qualified health care provider. We strongly advise readers not to take drugs that are not prescribed by your qualified healthcare provider. If you think you may have a medical emergency, call your doctor, midwife or hospital immediately. Read full disclaimer

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