There it it…this constant thread of sadness running through my life now. It's just always there like a really sad shadow.
I eat and it's there, I sleep and it's there, I laugh and then feel guilty because it's there. This sadness won't leave me. I function and go out, see friends, have dinner…but I don’t feel like myself anymore.
All I want to do is talk to about it.
When asked “How are you?”
All I want to say is “Hey! I'm really sad and my whole life feels different. This awful thing that I don't understand has happened and I don't know how to feel ok again or if I ever will”.
I want to talk about it.
I want to talk about what happened physically, to describe the pain and the blood.
I want to talk about it. I want to talk about how I’m almost terrified to have a period again because it’s going to bring it all back.
I want to talk about it. I want to talk about how I’m so scared that this will taint any future pregnancies, I hope to have, and fill it with fear.
I still want to cry. I still want to talk about it. I just want to talk about it.
But…in reply I simply say…”Yeah! I’m fine. Moving on and getting on with things. Y’know”.
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