In August 2014 I married the man of my dreams and I knew right away I wanted a baby so right away we started trying for our own little family. October 2014 it finally happened I was only a day late and just knew I felt different and could smell everything (good and bad). So I rang the doctors and had an appointment and began the process.
Then for the first 12 weeks I went though ups and downs felt sick and tired a couple of days before we got our scan date through. That very morning I was sick just before we got to the scan. We went into the room and it began. The midwife said nothing at first and I just lay there holding my husbands hand. Then she told us the worst news ever; she couldn't find a heartbeat, of course she was really sorry.
I just lay there unable take any of it in. We went into another room where they explained that the baby had died at 7-8 weeks but my body hadn't realised. It carried on thinking it was pregnant and gave me all the symptoms, and that this was called a 'missed miscarriage.'
So they gave me 3 options: to wait to see if I miscarried on my own, to have a medical intervention, or surgery; a D&C. We decided to go home as we still couldn't get our heads round it. We saw all our parents cried a lot and waited.
Nothing happened and on the 4th Jan I was booked in for a medical miscarriage which was horrible.
I couldn't carry on but all I wanted was a baby. Then my husband took me away to Paris and while I was away I could smell everything again and as soon as I got home I did a test and I was pregnant again with my rainbow baby. I was totally stressed out at first and was stressing everyone out around me, so I had an early scan at 7 weeks which put my mind at rest (sort of.) Then the 12 week scan came and as soon as we got there I was terrified.
We ended up in the same room as last time and I just cried, so the scan lady quickly scanned me and showed me my babies heartbeat. From there all was good. On 14/12/2015 I had my rainbow baby and I couldn't be happier it's all I ever wanted.
Even though I will never forget my first pregnancy I know deep down it was for the best and I wouldn't have my beautiful daughter if it wasn't for that first baby giving up its life for his/her little sister. So my advice to anyone is stay strong it's really hard but sometimes it's for the best.
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