I just lay there unable take any of it in.

by Cristina

My advice to anyone is stay strong it's really hard, but sometimes it's for the best.

Heartbreaking stories. Devastating stories. The miscarriage story needs to change. That's why we've created Tommy's book of #misCOURAGE. Read this story now and help spread the word that miscarriage can no longer be ignored. Help us change the story to save babies' lives.

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May 2016

In August 2014 I married the man of my dreams and I knew right away I wanted a baby so right away we started trying for our own little family. October 2014 it finally happened I was only a day late and just knew I felt different and could smell everything (good and bad). So I rang the doctors and had an appointment and began the process.

Then for the first 12 weeks I went though ups and downs felt sick and tired a couple of days before we got our scan date through. That very morning  I was sick just before we got to the scan. We went into the room and it began. The midwife said nothing at first and I just lay there holding my husbands hand. Then she told us the worst news ever; she couldn't find a heartbeat, of course she was really sorry.

I just lay there unable take any of it in. We went into another room where they explained that the baby had died at 7-8 weeks but my body hadn't realised. It carried on thinking it was pregnant and gave me all the symptoms, and that this was called a 'missed miscarriage.'

So they gave me 3 options: to wait to see if I miscarried on my own, to have a medical intervention, or surgery; a D&C. We decided to go home as we still couldn't get our heads round it. We saw all our parents cried a lot and waited.

Nothing happened and on the 4th Jan I was booked in for a medical miscarriage which was horrible.

I couldn't carry on but all I wanted was a baby. Then my husband took me away to Paris and while I was away I could smell everything again and as soon as I got home I did a test and I was pregnant again with my rainbow baby. I was totally stressed out at first and was stressing everyone out around me, so I  had an early scan at 7 weeks which put my mind at rest (sort of.) Then the 12 week scan came and  as soon as we got there I was terrified.

We ended up in the same room as last time and I just cried, so the scan lady quickly scanned me and showed me my babies heartbeat. From there all was good. On 14/12/2015 I had my rainbow baby and I couldn't be happier it's all I ever wanted.

Even though I will never forget my first pregnancy I know deep down it was for the best and I wouldn't have my beautiful daughter if it wasn't for that first baby giving up its life for his/her little sister. So my advice to anyone is stay strong it's really hard but sometimes it's for the best.

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Disclaimer

Please note that the opinions expressed by users in Tommy’s Book of #misCOURAGE are solely those of the user, who is unlikely to have had medical training. These opinions do not represent the opinions of Tommy’s and are not advice from Tommy's. Reading individual, real-life experiences can be a helpful resource, but it is never a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment from a qualified health care provider. We strongly advise readers not to take drugs that are not prescribed by your qualified healthcare provider. If you think you may have a medical emergency, call your doctor, midwife or hospital immediately. Read full disclaimer

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