by Kimberley Baggett
I'm 26 years old and very healthy physically. This didn't stop me from going through a heartache I'd never forget. My partner and I felt it was time to try for our second child, I couldn't have been happier! Two months in we fell pregnant. I was going through a tough time with depression and anxiety and when I fell pregnant it was touch and go emotionally with all the hormones etc, but it got better.
Soon I was happy in every element of my life, I have a beautiful son, loving partner and supportive family, and now a baby on the way. I was feeling sick almost every day and was sensitive to smell I really thought this one was going to be a girl. Mothers' day came and I felt stressed for some reason but very happy and emotional. We went for a mothers' day lunch and that's when it started to go wrong. I was struggling with my son as he was arguing and I got upset and went to the toilet.
I didn't expect to see the blood. Absolutely frightened I told my partner and as we had already ordered our food stayed to eat before rushing to A&E. After three hours of waiting and a blood test we were told to come back for a scan two days later. I was very upset and concerned but kept on hoping. Tuesday came and I went with my parents to my scan. I saw her for the first time, she had a heartbeat.
I was so relieved but didn't feel like that was the end.
Two days had passed and I was still bleeding, and on day two I had passed a clot. I just burst into tears. I couldn't believe it. I rushed to the hospital with my mum. After more waiting and more tests we were told to come back for a scan the next day. The day of the scan I received my little cow and gate gift which was a little cow. It came with me in the hope everything was OK. Sadly the baby couldn't be seen on the scan. It had died. I was so upset, I couldn't understand why me? I'm healthy and happy why? I had had a missed miscarriage meaning it's doomed from the start.
I opted for surgery just in case it didn't pass naturally. It came to the day of the surgery and I was nervous. I took my little cow with me and it stayed with me until surgery was completed. I came to and was in such a state, this was it, it was over no more baby. The next few days were hard. I lost my nausea, my smell wasn't sensitive and my stomach was going down. It's been two months and although we're trying again I will never forget the short time we had you. I bought an orchid to look at in memory on the day we should have seen her for the first time. Miss her everyday xxx
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