Whilst I wish not to share my name at this point - my journey to motherhood is not yet complete - I would like to share my story so far.
Sharing stories has been the most tremendous source of strength for me. The energy from a woman focused on and determined to have a family is like nothing else.
Call it maternal instinct or whatever, but until you experience miscarriage and understand that having a baby is not always a simple 9 months of joy, you will never know how intense that fire in your belly can get, how much something can take over your life, and how far you can be prepared to push your body and mind to get to your goal.
Facing up to miscarriage you have a choice - you either let this energy consume you, spending hours Googling everything to find fault or reason (I've been there, often!) and resenting anyone and everyone with a family - or you open up, be honest to yourself - share with other women, and harness this energy in the best possible way.
I recently experienced my second miscarriage in a row, ending in an ERPC at 9 weeks - this time after hearing a heartbeat and seeing my baby on a scan and feeling confident all was ok.
After the first time, with this pregnancy I had decided to refrain from travelling to LA at 8 weeks with work, which meant I had to tell a few people earlier than I would have liked.
This turned out to be the best decision I could have made (not just because the way things worked out I would have been there when I started to lose my baby) because I inadvertently opened up a conversation with other women at work who had suffered loss.
Their advice on coping with recurrent miscarriage whilst managing a successful career (and not letting that area of their lives suffer too) keeps me motivated.
Their refreshingly honest accounts of dealing with the physical and mental side effects keep me sane.
Their acceptance of the impact that trying so hard for a baby has on their relationships makes me feel less guilty.
Their turning up at my house with their medical records and a slice of cake makes me believe in kindness. And the babies they have since had or are on their way to having fill me with hope.
Sharing means their energy is passed on to me, the fire keeps burning, and I am ready to pick myself up and start again. It won't be a straightforward path, but I know I am confident I will hold my baby eventually.
Please note that the opinions expressed by users in Tommy’s Book of #misCOURAGE are solely those of the user, who is unlikely to have had medical training. These opinions do not represent the opinions of Tommy’s and are not advice from Tommy's. Reading individual, real-life experiences can be a helpful resource, but it is never a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment from a qualified health care provider. We strongly advise readers not to take drugs that are not prescribed by your qualified healthcare provider. If you think you may have a medical emergency, call your doctor, midwife or hospital immediately. Read full disclaimer