by Samantha Dennet
In April 2013, I married my wonderful husband Sam. Having a family was always something that we both wanted, but agreed to give it year before started trying to settle into marriage, our new house and complete studies. So in March 2014 we starting 'trying', and we were delighted to find out we were expecting our first baby in June of that year. Both my sisters had had previous miscarriages prior to having their children and I was well aware of the statistics of 1 in 4 miscarriages, so I knew that being pregnant wasn't without its risks.
However we launched into working out due dates, booked a midwife appointment, downloaded a pregnancy app to follow the progress of the pregnancy and told close family. Then at 7 and half weeks pregnant, I started bleeding. Panic-stricken I informed my GP who sent me to the local early pregnancy unit. They scanned me and as I lay there with my husband beside me, the nurse finally speaks with such a soft tone that I know it's not good news 'there is the pregnancy, but the heartbeat is so slow, I'm afraid I don't think this will be a viable pregnancy, come back in one week and we will see how it's progressing'.
So we went home and we waited. The bleeding had stopped, I had no pain, I had pregnancy symptoms, so we were feeling positive. A week later we were back.....'I'm so sorry there is no heartbeat' we were devastated.
We sat and listened to the medical blurb about what to expect, how much bleeding I might get, what to do in the event I have no bleeding, given emergency contact numbers and we were sent on our way.
A few days later the bleeding started and after hours of painful contractions one night what would have been our baby came away, not really knowing what to do with it we flushed it down the toilet! This must be our 1 in 4 we said, painful and horrible, but we agreed to try again.
So in the September of that year we found out we were pregnant again. Again we were delighted to get a positive pregnancy test. Slightly more apprehensive this time round but we had no reason to doubt this one wouldn't work out, because we had had 'our 1 miscarriage'. So when the bleeding started again this time at 6 weeks pregnant, we were gutted. It was heavy, and painful. More like a heavy period. So again we went to the early pregnancy unit and saw the same lovely nurse as we did a few months previously. The scan revealed no baby, just an empty uterus. No signs of a pregnancy. I had my bloods done twice and they confirmed my hCG levels were falling. Another miscarriage confirmed. We couldn't believe it! Not another miscarriage. So we went home, grieved for what was another loss, another small bit of us lost forever. We shared our disappointment and tears with our close friends and family who were wonderfully supportive, and over time we began to heal from the loss.
When no.3 pregnancy was confirmed six months later in March 2015, we were again so happy. Relieved that at least we were getting pregnant. There seemed no problems with our fertility! But again early on in the pregnancy I started bleeding. This time, when we arrived at the early pregnancy unit, it almost felt comfortably familiar. But as we entered the familiar room with the same familiar specialist nurse, the mood changed. This time though as I lay there with Sam beside me, and the nurse next to me scanning me, I could see the look on her face. The tears ran down my face. No words were needed this time. But the words came ' I'm so sorry there is no heartbeat would you like to see or would you rather not?' I needed to see, and Sam wanted to see and there on the screen at 9 weeks old was my tiny baby with no heartbeat.
Baby no.3 had not made it either...and this time we needed an operation to remove the ' products of conception' as the medics called it. I had to sign the consent form for an ERPC, and I wanted to tell the sweet doctor that in fact they were removing our hopes and dreams, and what would have been our third attempt at starting a family not a few products of conception.
We were now a frightening statistic of recurrent miscarriage. 3 miscarriages and now we were entitled to some investigations.
We were warned by the team that most cases there is no clear rationale or medical cause and normally the tests come back clear. There must be a reason for losing three precious baby's we thought....Wrong....there was nothing wrong with us apparently! All the blood tests came back normal, they tested our chromosomes and all were normal...great news everyone said, at least there's nothing wrong, but a very small part of us wished they would find something small that at least they could fix, or treat.
Whilst we were waiting for the test results I found out I was expecting again. I miscarried again. No.4 and it didn't come as a shock. We had learnt to sadly expect this now. A positive pregnancy test came with mixed emotions. People no longer knew what to say. We didn't know either. People were reluctant to congratulate us on a new pregnancy. This had become the norm.
Following our 4th miscarriage in January this year I had a uterine septum resection in the hope this would improve our chances of a positive pregnancy outcome, it has sadly not worked. I have just had my 6th miscarriage.
This journey has been incredibly tough. It is a constant rollercoaster of emotions, hormones, tests, investigations and surgery. Miscarriage has an affect on not only your physical, emotional and spiritual health but it also has an affect on you as an individual, as a couple, your work, your friendships, and as people trying desperately to navigate through life without loosing hope, or your mind.
The pain we have felt loosing each pregnancy is unbearable. Yet, we still have no answers, and until someone says stop, there is always hope, so we keep going. We have been accepted into the new Tommy's research centre which opened in April and we hope that this may help in finding a cause that can one day prevent others from having to go through this.
For my husband and I we have a strong faith and continue to seek God in the mist of a difficult and testing time. For us, it has been what has kept us strong and given the strength to keep going. For now, we pray that no.7 pregnancy may be our miracle baby and thank God for the incredible support we have had not only from our close family and friends, but also the wonderful care we have received from our local early pregnancy unit and doctors. Without the kindness and compassion, this journey would be so much harder to walk.
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By Anonymous (not verified) on 19 Jul 2016 - 01:44
We love you guys and are always here for you. X