I have four angels in the sky

Everyday was like torture, going to the toilet to check for bleeding, obsessing over what not to eat, do, think.

Heartbreaking stories. Devastating stories. The miscarriage story needs to change. That's why we've created Tommy's book of #misCOURAGE. Read this story now and help spread the word that miscarriage can no longer be ignored. Help us change the story to save babies' lives.

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by Louise Twist

May 2016

I was 27 years old when I had my first child Chloe. She was perfect in every way. My pregnancy was easy. The birth was fairly straight forward and she was just the way a baby should be in every sense.

When Chloe turned three I started to try for a second baby. Most of my mummy friends had their second so I felt time was catching me up at 30, which sounds ridiculous but looking back now I realise we actually don't have all the time in the world life passes us by in the blink of an eye.

So I came off the pill and we started to try. I thought it would only take a couple of goes as I fell pregnant with Chloe only three months into being married.

After five months I was pregnant. I was so excited telling everyone - friends, family, work, strangers, but at 11 weeks I had my scan to tell me I had silent miscarried twins with very little development.

I was stunned and the walls came crashing in. No picture to show my little girl. No happy outcome.

So I tried again and got pregnant the following month again. I lost the pregnancy but this time it was awful - a suspected molar pregnancy with bad blood loss. I had to have a DC and the pain was unbearable.

I got referred to a hospital where I had the tests for possible reasons why ladies miscarry. I almost pinned my hopes on them finding something wrong - then they could fix it and I could have another baby - but they found nothing. I was advised try again and suffered another loss.

By this point I had given up hope of a baby. Then I got offered to take part in a medical trial investigating pregnancy loss. I got pregnant straightaway and began the trial.

Every day was like torture, going to the toilet to check for bleeding, obsessing over what not to eat, do, think.

I saw a heartbeat at six weeks but then suffered bleeding at 8 weeks. I was convinced that I had lost the pregnancy, but she was still there.

I spent the rest of the pregnancy praying - not drinking tea, not eating prawns, cheese, anything that would take her away. And then she arrived - baby Harriet, my miracle!

I don't know if I was on the trial drug or a placebo but my advice to anyone in my situation is don't give up hope or trying ask for help and don't take having children as a right. It's a privilege not everyone can have. Don't leave it for a rainy day. If you want children, have them while you can. I will never forget the babies I have lost. Four angels in the sky .

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Disclaimer

Please note that the opinions expressed by users in Tommy’s Book of #misCOURAGE are solely those of the user, who is unlikely to have had medical training. These opinions do not represent the opinions of Tommy’s and are not advice from Tommy's. Reading individual, real-life experiences can be a helpful resource, but it is never a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment from a qualified health care provider. We strongly advise readers not to take drugs that are not prescribed by your qualified healthcare provider. If you think you may have a medical emergency, call your doctor, midwife or hospital immediately. Read full disclaimer

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