I was in a really bad relationship, I found out I was pregnant and my nan was dying of pancreatic cancer, I was working part time and doing a full time college course.
I had a lot going on, but the thought of a baby, made the everything seem better.
Once I told my partner at the time he basically washed his hands of me. He didn't want to know me or our baby and told me to terminate.
I obviously didn't listen to him, nobody would tell me what to do, I loved that baby more than anything.
After having a transvaginal scan at 5 weeks because of bleeding, the EPAU confirmed the baby was there, it was viable.
I went back 2 weeks later just to reassurance and they told me that my baby had a heartbeat.
I had a beautiful picture of my little peanut, I was over the moon and I had come to terms with the fact that I was going to raise this baby alone.
A few days later, my nan took really ill, we were told to prepare for the worst and on the 2nd January 2015 she lost her battle.
I was due to go to a private clinic on the 3rd January to get another scan to show my nan, when I went they couldn't find a heartbeat. I was devastated. I went straight to the EPAU again and they confirmed it. No heartbeat.
My options where to have an operation to remove the baby, a pill or let it happen naturally.
I chose naturally, I didn't want to interfere with anything. 2 weeks later, nothing had happened, I went back again for a check up scan, the sac was still there so I chose again to leave it and let nature take its course.
A few days later I lost the baby, in the toilet in work.
I have never been so upset in my life having to go thru it all alone.
To be told by the babies dad that it was for the best and never meant to be. He wins.
I later fell pregnant again with a new partner who supported me completely throughout the pregnancy and I could not be happier.
Please note that the opinions expressed by users in Tommy’s Book of #misCOURAGE are solely those of the user, who is unlikely to have had medical training. These opinions do not represent the opinions of Tommy’s and are not advice from Tommy's. Reading individual, real-life experiences can be a helpful resource, but it is never a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment from a qualified health care provider. We strongly advise readers not to take drugs that are not prescribed by your qualified healthcare provider. If you think you may have a medical emergency, call your doctor, midwife or hospital immediately. Read full disclaimer