by Samantha Scrivens
I am one of the 1 in 4 women to suffer from a miscarriage. We already had a 7 month old when we found out we were expecting again (a huge shock, as it wasn't planned.)
Nonetheless we began to get excited, we were due to get married the following summer and made plans to bring the wedding forward. Then before we knew it, I was bleeding heavily and I knew then that our little bean had gone.
I put all my energy into our little boy and planning the wedding, but every time I saw a newborn baby I knew I wanted to make my family bigger, so we decided to try again; 'What are the chances of losing another baby?' we thought.
We fell pregnant again in May and even though we tried not to get our hopes up, we couldn't help it. Four weeks later I was in crippling pain in my left side and as the day went on, it got worse.
I had been bleeding for a few weeks but the test was still showing positive so I thought nothing of it.
I was told to go to the hospital right away, which was a huge shock. Being told there was no baby in the sack was soul destroying, I was going through what they called an "undiagnosed pregnancy."
I felt stupid like my body had tricked me into believing I was pregnant because we wanted it so badly. How can a pregnancy go "undiagnosed"?
I spent the next 3 weeks back and forth from the hospital for scans. Every time I prayed to god they'd got it wrong and that there would be a little baby on the screen. They had to check my bloods to make sure my pregnancy hormones were dropping. They eventually went back to normal after having an injection of methotrexate to kill the fast growing cells. This meant we couldn't try for another 3 months.
I felt completely empty and alone, I'd cry myself to sleep most nights.
I felt stupid when I'd talk to people about it for them to say "it just wasn't meant to be" " your time will come again" "there's no rush" or " concentrate on the one you already have".
All of these were true but my babies were still babies they deserved to be mourned! People need to realise this is happening more and more and it's nothing to be ashamed of we need to #Beakthesilence.
We now have a beautiful 2 year old and our Little Rainbow Baby who is 4 months old, I thank god every day for them both.
Please note that the opinions expressed by users in Tommy’s Book of #misCOURAGE are solely those of the user, who is unlikely to have had medical training. These opinions do not represent the opinions of Tommy’s and are not advice from Tommy's. Reading individual, real-life experiences can be a helpful resource, but it is never a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment from a qualified health care provider. We strongly advise readers not to take drugs that are not prescribed by your qualified healthcare provider. If you think you may have a medical emergency, call your doctor, midwife or hospital immediately. Read full disclaimer