I met my husband in April of 2010 and got married in October if 2010. Everything was perfect, my husband treated me like a queen and we were very happy. My husband was anxious to start expanding our family, I was a bit scared of the whole pregnancy and delivery process. We decided to start trying soon after we were married and I became pregnant March of 2011. I remember the day we read that "pregnant" result on the pregnancy test we had bought, it was March 19th. Both my husband and I started crying and began to call our parents to give them the good news.
I was happy, excited and very scared. I was going to start a new job in just a couple of days and didn't know what I was going to tell my new employer. The next day after lunch I jumped in the shower. I was in the shower when all of a sudden I felt a sharp cramp on my lower belly and looked down. I was bleeding! I yelled for my husband and called my mum to tell her what was happening. She told me not to worry and to just lay down and rest. She told me bleeding could be normal at the beginning of a pregnancy . She told me that if the cramping or bleeding got worse to just go to the ER. We decided to wait since the bleeding had slowed down.
I soon discovered at my Ob/Gyn office that in fact I had miscarried.
I felt so guilty, I thought that because I was so worried about my new job I had caused myself to miscarry. I didn't want to leave the house and would cry through the day. This went on for at least a couple of months. I was mad at the world and felt such an emptiness in my heart. I wanted my baby! I put all my energy into my new job and tried to "forget" about what had happened. About 4 months later my husband asked me if I was willing to try again to have a baby. I was terrified I wouldn't be able to carry and that would break my husbands heart
I could see in his eyes how anxious he was to become a father. We found out we were pregnant again in July 2011. Every time I had a prenatal appointment I would have horrible anxiety expecting the worse news. Thankfully our sweet baby girl arrived May 5, 2012 super healthy. 9lbs 2oz and 21 1/2 inches healthy to be exact! She was perfect! I love being a mother to her. However now that she's getting older everyone asks "when are you having your next baby?" The truth is I'm terrified to get pregnant again! I'm scared to go through another loss especially now that I know what having a baby is like. I couldn't go through that heartache again.
I hope to someday have the courage to get pregnant again because I would love another child, but I can't help feeling anxious and afraid.
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