I feel like everyone has moved on and forgotten about what's happened, except me

I still feel sad and think about my baby and what I've lost every day.

Heartbreaking stories. Devastating stories. The miscarriage story needs to change. That's why we've created Tommy's book of #misCOURAGE. Read this story now and help spread the word that miscarriage can no longer be ignored. Help us change the story to save babies' lives.

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November 2016

Hello - my name is Amy, I'm 35 and I had a miscarriage about 2 months ago.

It was my second pregnancy - I have a little boy who's 2. I have a very supportive husband and family, but I've been feeling increasingly lonely in the last few weeks.

The people I've told about my miscarriage were very kind, but I'm now feeling like everyone has moved on and forgotten about what's happened, except me. I still feel sad and think about my baby and what I've lost every day. 

The other two main emotions I'm struggling with are guilt and jealousy.

I feel guilty for feeling sad, partly because I'm luckier than a lot of people - I have a lovely son. I lost my baby quite early at 12 weeks. I think it must be harder to lose a baby later on in pregnancy. I've only had one miscarriage (so far), and lots of people have suffered this multiple times.

I also feel guilty for wanting another baby - why can't I be happy with what I already have?

Lots of my friends have recently had babies or are expecting babies. Whilst I'm very conscious of not wanting what happened to me to spoil anyone else's happiness, and not wanting it to affect my friendships, I can't help feeling jealous.

I feel even more jealous when I see pregnant women I don't know. I'm trying hard to hide it, but I have started to see less of my friends with babies - I feel bad when they talk about babies, but I also don't want them to feel uncomfortable or awkward because I'm around.

I feel guilty for feeling like this. 

The other thing that's struck me is how little miscarriage is talked about, and how it seems to be something of a taboo subject.I understand why people feel like to they can't bring it up with me - they think I might not want to talk about it.

But actually, talking about it helps me a lot. I have started talking to a counsellor, which I'm hoping will also help. I've also found just typing out my feelings here really useful. 

I'm trying to stay positive and am hoping that I will have another baby at some point. Some days I feel positive, and others not.

Reading the information on the Tommy's website has made a difference - knowing that there are lots of people out there who have been through the same thing as me makes me feel less lonely. 

Thanks for reading my story.

Amy

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Disclaimer

Please note that the opinions expressed by users in Tommy’s Book of #misCOURAGE are solely those of the user, who is unlikely to have had medical training. These opinions do not represent the opinions of Tommy’s and are not advice from Tommy's. Reading individual, real-life experiences can be a helpful resource, but it is never a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment from a qualified health care provider. We strongly advise readers not to take drugs that are not prescribed by your qualified healthcare provider. If you think you may have a medical emergency, call your doctor, midwife or hospital immediately. Read full disclaimer

Comments

  • By Anonymous (not verified) on 16 Nov 2016 - 14:50

    Hello Amy,
    thank you for sharing your story, sorry for your loss, I feel all those things you have described too!! it's so hard isn't it? like everyone is moving on with their lives and I am still sad and thinking about it all! It doesn't matter if it's one or more miscarriages it still hurts like hell - please don't feel guilty for that (easier said than done!)

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