When my son was 16 months old we decided to try for another baby. I assumed it would all be as easy as the first time round, I found out I was pregnant and was very excited, even started to look at brands of double buggies.
Then at 7 weeks I had some pain, I was concerned but was busy at work and it went away.
That evening the bleeding starting and the pain got significantly worse - by the morning it was obvious I had miscarried and a trip to the epu confirmed it.
I took a few days off work and cried, but I knew there was a 1 in 4 chance of this and was positive about next time.
I shouldn't have been as next time ended the same - 7 to 8 weeks and the bleeding and pain started, this time I was slightly in denial I didn't even take anytime of work and I didn't want to think about what had happened.
My husband suggested seeing if the GP would refer me for tests, she told me 2 miscarriages was very common and I would need to have 3. I explained that I didn't really want 3 and I wanted someone to help me now, but we didn't get any help.
The 3rd time I was pregnant, we decided to be excited - despite what happened there was no point in being worried, we were wrong and while on holiday I miscarried again.
We didn't bother going to the hospital at all this time, I knew what happens and I wasn't dying so knew they wouldn't do anything.
I was so angry this time. Angry at my GP for making me wait for tests, jealous of anyone who's pregnancy made it past 12 weeks, scared that my son might be an only child, annoyed with anyone who said 'at least you have one'.
And I was tired - I had been pregnant pretty much continuously for 9 months, everyone else who was pregnant for 9 months were having their babies and I had lost 3.
We were finally referred to the recurrent miscarriage clinic when I found out I was pregnant again. This time the dr's actually took notice of me, I fell in to the unlucky category of recurrent miscarriage which meant they scanned me every 2 weeks and genuinely seemed to care about me and my concerns.
I'm now 12 weeks pregnant - the anxiety I have felt every one of those days has been exhausting, but I'm starting to feel a little hopeful this time round.
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