We are currently going through the mourning of another baby.
This one was an ectopic pregnancy, a viable pregnancy that ended up in the wrong place, a little baby whom we will never know and who will never know their big sister, a little baby who was desperately wanted and loved but we had no other option than to have the baby removed along with my left Fallopian tube.
Another shock and sadness for us and another reminder of how lucky we are to have our daughter.
Our journey has not been easy & can sometimes seem so unfair but we focus on the light, the luck and the gorgeous girl we have been blessed with and we know and have faith in the mantra of 'what will be, will be'
We had two long years of trying and longing for a baby, each month getting tougher, more emotional, a fight to be brave for each other and then, just before I was due to start Clomid, we did it, I was pregnant.
I was spotting but was clueless as to what this meant, we went to the early pregnancy unit, they couldn't see anything on the scan and so I had a blood test.
Two days later I had another blood test and by the time they called with the confirmation of an early miscarriage, I already knew, I was now bleeding and in physical and emotional pain, I didn't know how we would get through it.
We then started on Clomid, I ovulated the first month but no joy and then the next two months, I didn't even get a positive on the ovulation tests and we were distraught, I felt it would never happen for us, then, suddenly it did.
I think we were in a dream like state throughout the pregnancy, never relaxing, never really believing, and then she arrived and she was perfect. We had a few scares when she did arrive but we got through those and here we are a year later, hoping for another baby.
We started trying about four months ago, with everyone telling us it would probably happen straight away, well it didn't quite, but month two it did, but then so did the bleeding, seven weeks of it, really to push the point home that we were having another miscarriage.
It was another early miscarriage which I know we are lucky for, not too long for us to get our hopes up, although still just as heartbreaking.
Then the next month we found out I was pregnant again, this time we had a clear week of no bleeding, planning, confidence building and excitement, that was until the Sunday, I started spotting and I warned my husband what was happening.
We went to the early pregnancy unit, time for more bloods, more scans, more questions.
I had a week of bleeding and thought maybe that was it, the miscarriage had happened but it was now over. It wasn't, my hcg levels were rising, but slowly and they were pretty sure there was an ectopic.
They were right and so here I am, recovering in bed, hoping that we may have better luck next time.
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