In 2013 my husband and I welcomed our daughter into the world. We had conceived easily after only 2 months activity trying. It had been an easy pregnancy until 36 weeks when I developed a DVT but she arrived happy and healthy so we never really considered when we decided to give her a sibling it wouldn't be as easy. You know that pregnancy loss happens but you never expect it to happen to you.
In July 2014 we decided we were ready to extend our family. In December we were pregnant again. I was over the moon at first but quickly felt like something was wrong. At 10 weeks I started spotting. A quick scan showed no baby but I didn't have enough bleeding for me to have passed the baby. my hcg levels were checked and they were high, almost 270,000. At that point I was told it was a possible molar and that I would have a D&C the next day.
I did the worst thing possible-I googled. Not only had I lost our baby but words like 'cancer' and 'chemotherapy' were being thrown at me.
I discovered I would have to monitored for months and not allowed to try again until cleared. Two weeks later pathology confirmed I'd had a partial molar pregnancy and I was referred to the specialist team in Sheffield. I had to provide urine samples every 2 weeks to monitor my hormone levels. If they rose then chemo would be started. It took a long 11 weeks for my levels to return to normal, thankfully with out chemo. In those weeks I felt so many emotions, I was scared, angry, lonely and the samples were constant reminders of what I had lost. 4 weeks later they were happy for me to try for my rainbow. I conceived straight away.
At this point I turned into a crazy lady. Every symptom, or lack of them, were analysed and even scans at 7,9 and 12 weeks didn't allow me to relax. Carrying a rainbow is possibly the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I think about what could have been every day but looking into the eyes of my son for the first time helped bring me peace in a sense. If I'd not had my molar loss I wouldn't have my rainbow and I wouldn't want to change him for the world.
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