I cry for the heartache caused by other people at the time; I didn't get the support I needed

Kimberly suffered a miscarriage before becoming a mother. The experience left her feeling isolated, especially around pregnant friends.

Heartbreaking stories. Devastating stories. The miscarriage story needs to change. That's why we've created Tommy's book of #misCOURAGE. Read this story now and help spread the word that miscarriage can no longer be ignored. Help us change the story to save babies' lives.

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Kimberley-Perfect

by Kimberley Perfect

March 2016

We started trying for a baby just after we got married in October 2010. Most of the people we knew fell pregnant at the drop of a hat. I know by some people's struggles that 7 months isn't that long, but for me it felt like a lifetime with friends falling pregnant all around me.

I remember my best friend being pregnant, and how seeing her belly grow whilst I was struggling to get pregnant added to my stress. Once she'd had her baby it was a relief, until another good friend announced her pregnancy!

I didn't feel well the following weekend, so I took a pregnancy test on the Monday and found out that I was pregnant. We were ecstatic. There was about 4 weeks between my friend and I, and I couldn't wait.

I had plans running through my head, but the next day they came crashing down when I started to bleed. The bleeding just got heavier and heavier, and on the Wednesday I went for an early scan, only to be told that I'd miscarried.

I do feel grateful that I only had a day of knowing, but at the same time, the thing I wanted most in the world had gone. I was devastated.

My husband refused to talk about it. I also felt that I couldn't talk to my friends as another friend was pregnant. I felt very alone. A few weeks later another good friend announced that she was pregnant, and whenever I met them I could see exactly where my pregnancy would have been.

In September one of the ladies rubbed her bump in front of my face and said: "You like my bump?"

Her reasoning behind it was that I wasn't interested, not the fact that I couldn't cope. She just said: "You weren't that far gone", and asked why I couldn't be happy for her. Needless to say, I never spoke to her again.

Five months later I found out that I was pregnant again, but I had a massive massive bleed at 11 weeks. I was inconsolable as I thought it was happening again. Luckily it wasn't, but from 11 weeks until 23 weeks I bled continually, and was advised I'd had a threatened miscarriage. I was told by doctors not to expect a baby at the end of it, which is bad enough, let alone if you've already gone through a miscarriage.

The pregnancy was hell and I ended up with prenatal depression, and told I'd have postnatal depression. No one seemed to understand that all I wanted was my baby, nobody took into account the miscarriage I'd had before.

Luckily my princess was born five days before her due date, perfectly healthy. It's only now that I think, that if I hadn't of had the miscarriage I would never have had my daughter. It still hurts and I'm writing this in tears, but I think that's mainly for the heartache other people brought surrounding it and the fact that I didn't get the support I needed.

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Please note that the opinions expressed by users in Tommy’s Book of #misCOURAGE are solely those of the user, who is unlikely to have had medical training. These opinions do not represent the opinions of Tommy’s and are not advice from Tommy's. Reading individual, real-life experiences can be a helpful resource, but it is never a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment from a qualified health care provider. We strongly advise readers not to take drugs that are not prescribed by your qualified healthcare provider. If you think you may have a medical emergency, call your doctor, midwife or hospital immediately. Read full disclaimer

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