After a history of fibroids, my husband and I finally started trying for a baby early 2009 when I was 36. Little did we know the journey that was to come.
After a year of nothing, my husband got tested and sadly we were told we had to do IVF due to a very low sperm count (we were given a 0.5% chance of conceiving naturally). This news came as such a massive shock and we started looking into what IVF entailed.
Our first cycle was done on the NHS and because of the drugs, I ended up over stimulating, and was admitted to hospital for a few days on a drip prior to the embryo transfer. When the pregnancy test came back as negative we were gutted. We spent the following years up to 2014 enduring repeated cycles of IVF, all of which ended in negative pregnancy tests.
It was all so hard and we started to think that we would never have a family. I was getting older and older and biology was against us!
I gave up my job in early 2014 due to the stress of trying to keep my emotional head above water.
I went through more costly testing and found out that my immune system had been attacking the embryos, so I was prescribed additional treatment alongside the standard IVF drugs.
We used one of our frozen embryo's in spring 2014 and nervously awaited the test results. Amazingly it was positive! To say we were elated is an understatement. We couldn't believe that after everything we'd been through (all the drugs, injections, surgeries and heartbreak), it had finally worked.
We spent the next 8 weeks on cloud nine until an early scan revealed our worst nightmare. It was a missed miscarriage. My world fell apart. I had to stop my IVF drugs, and I chose to have a D&C as I just couldn't face the prospect of seeing what I was losing. The operation was quick but emotional.
I cried buckets before the anesthetic as I realised that how I was currently, was possibly as pregnant as I was ever going to be.
The rest of the year went by in a dark blur. It was hell. After all the years of trying I couldn't get my head round how life can be that cruel.
Eventually at the beginning of 2015 at the age of 41, I plucked up the courage to use another frozen embryo. I was determined to not give up. It was successful!
We had another early scan at 8 weeks to check on things. I was terrified as I didn't think I could cope if it was bad news. Amazingly, it was great. Our little one wiggling away on the screen with a good heartbeat. Needless to say lots of tears were shed! I spent the rest of the pregnancy elated but nervous that something would happen.
The pregnancy itself was difficult with placenta issues and a few hospital admissions due to bleeding, but finally on Oct 23rd 2015 our little girl came into the world 3 weeks early by c-section.
I am now 42 and feel totally blessed watching her playing as I type this. Some people assume that now I have her that the past doesn't matter, but I tell them that what I went through will always be a part of me and I will always think about the baby that I lost.
I also get people asking me if I'm going to have another, almost like now I have her, it would be easier to do it again. They have no idea. I'm blessed to finally have her, I have no intention of putting myself through it all again.
I had the miscarriage statistics quoted to me almost as if the fact that it's so common makes it more bearable. These people obviously have never lost a pregnancy.
It doesn't matter how common they are, it's still your baby, your hopes and your dreams that are lost.
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By Anonymous (not verified) on 12 May 2016 - 18:21
Thank you for being so brave and sharing your story.
2 things have resonated with me and so pleased you mention them, 1. Yr age, I.m now 40 and have had IUI 3 times and have miscarried each time, now waiting for tests to find out why before we can start IVF
2. The fact you have stopped working. I.ve read many stories on here where people have had terrible times but somehow say they manage to drag themselves to work. I couldn't, I can't and so have made the difficult decision to stop (for a short period, money dictates as usual). I felt weak, pathetic, something else that I couldn't get right!
So thank you for sharing, you have given me a little hope and reassurance #misCOURAGE