#misCOURAGE story, 1503/2017, by Chelsey Houvener
It was my 25th birthday. I could hardly contain my excitement to start the next year of my life knowing that I myself had another life growing inside me.
I was determined and hopeful that it was going to be the best year of my life.
I had been spotting for a couple days before this and was concerned but everyone just kept saying how it was normal and to not worry unless this or that happens. Well this and that did happen.
I remember going to the bathroom at my parents house during my birthday dinner and being hit with the harsh reality that I was losing my baby.
I told my husband I didn't feel well and that I wanted to go home. By the time we got home I couldn't stand up from the pain. We got back in to the car and went in to the ER.
I remember the doctor coming in and examining me while all I could see was blood.
I remember the ultrasound tech scanning me and all I could see was an empty monitor. I remember the doctor coming back in to tell me that I had in fact had a miscarriage.
I looked at my husband, the man that I loved, the man who had trusted me to carry his baby and immediately fell apart from guilt and sadness and anger at myself.
The next couple of days were a blur. I didn't go in to work, I didn't get out of bed, I didn't talk to anyone. I spent my time anxiously surfing the internet trying to figure out what I had done wrong.
What did I do to lose this baby? Did I eat something I shouldn't have? Did the strep throat medication I took before I knew I was pregnant do something?What about that beer I had had the day before I took the test? My mind went crazy.
I lost any sense of security or hope.
Then it happened. I came across Tommy's #misCOURAGE stories. I was speechless. ALL of these people had experienced the same thing as me?? HOW is that possible? No one talks about miscarriages. I certainly felt like I couldn't talk about mine.
In these stories I found security that I wasn't alone. Security that I hadn't done anything wrong to harm my baby. I found that there is light at the end of this dark tunnel.
Flash forward 2 months and I have connected with people from all around the country who have been through this. All because they chose to be open and honest and real with their stories.
That is now my hope now. That we can change the taboo surrounding this topic that affects so many people every year.
These are our babies and they always will be. They deserve to be remembered. They deserve to bring light to those who are suffering in the darkness.
I hope that in sharing my story someone can find their light again.
Please note that the opinions expressed by users in Tommy’s Book of #misCOURAGE are solely those of the user, who is unlikely to have had medical training. These opinions do not represent the opinions of Tommy’s and are not advice from Tommy's. Reading individual, real-life experiences can be a helpful resource, but it is never a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment from a qualified health care provider. We strongly advise readers not to take drugs that are not prescribed by your qualified healthcare provider. If you think you may have a medical emergency, call your doctor, midwife or hospital immediately. Read full disclaimer