I blame myself everyday

I think what if I done this differently, I wasn't offered any counselling, but I think I will go see my GP to see if I can get some.

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#misCOURAGE story, 02/03/2017, by anonymous

Hi this was my third pregnancy so I just took it for granted that I wouldn't have any problem as my 1st 2 pregnancies were problem free.

My pregnancy was going great no sickness at all 12 wk scan went prefect, everything normal.

Then when I was 18wks I started to having spotting, I didnt panic straigth away and left it a few days. The bleeding was still there so I called the hospital who told me to come in and get checked just incase.

When I got there the doc checked me and thought he'd keep me over nught to make sure the bleeding wouldn't get worse, they scanned me and baby was prefect no problems at all wth baby so I wasn't too worried.

The bleeding stayed the same so the day after I got sent home and told to keep an eye.

The bleeding didn't stop so again I rang hospital and the dr said if I was worrird to come back in, again I was checked and told I might have a Cervical ectropion and was sent home again to keep an eye.

The bleeding didn't stop so a few days later I thought I'd book an app with my GP and ask Aboit the Cervical ectropion as I didn't really know what it was.

My GP again checked me and said don't worry u are 18wks u are out of the danger zone and to just stop panicking as my babies heart beat was perfect.

So then I turned 19wks and was still bleeding then started to feel unwell like I had the flu, the clinic told me to stay in bed and rest which I did, but that night I started to get pain like labour pains, my partner rang the hospital and they said to come into the GP out of hours which I did.

I was in really really bad pain, by this time like I was going to delivery my baby, I was so so scared.

Got to the hospital and they checked me over and thought I had a UTI, I was put onto a IV and giving fluids and antibiotics. I thought it will be ok these docs will fix me and I'd be home soon.

The next day I was laying in hospital and felt something running down my leg, I was so scared as I thought it was blood.

I got up and went to the toilet and discovered it wasn't blood so I kinda felt relieved, went back to bed and told the nurses I had a clear liquid come out of me (my waters didn't break with my other 2 pregnancies) the doctor then took me in to do a scan and let me see that there was no waters left around the baby.

I didn't know what this meant, I felt numb and sick with the infection.

They told me a doctor would speak to me in the morning. I lay awake all night my partner lay and sleep on the hospital floor as he didn't want to leave me on my own.

The next morning my world feel apart, we were told my baby wouldn't survive and I had to delivery my baby. The doctor put 2 tablets up inside me and I was in the worst pain for 1 hr then my baby was born.

Me and my partner were too scared to even look so they took my baby away, I will regret not holding my baby for the rest of my life.

I stayed in hospital for 3 more days on strong antibiotics then was let home to take the rest. When I got the post-mortem results back they just said infection but no mention of what infection I had, they ruled out UTI.

I was told my baby was a little girl, I have 2 boys at the minute. I hope this story helps someone out there, I am killed with guilt now, I blame myself everyday. I think what if I done this differently, I wasn't offered any counselling, but I think I will go see my GP to see if I can get some.

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Disclaimer

Please note that the opinions expressed by users in Tommy’s Book of #misCOURAGE are solely those of the user, who is unlikely to have had medical training. These opinions do not represent the opinions of Tommy’s and are not advice from Tommy's. Reading individual, real-life experiences can be a helpful resource, but it is never a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment from a qualified health care provider. We strongly advise readers not to take drugs that are not prescribed by your qualified healthcare provider. If you think you may have a medical emergency, call your doctor, midwife or hospital immediately. Read full disclaimer

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