by Fiona Bennett Stepp
On April the 20th 2015 I became a mum to a beautiful little boy who we named Jackson. I also became a statistic the dreaded 'one in four'. My son was born before 24 weeks so will be classed as a miscarriage.
My experience started on the 16th when my waters broke at 19 weeks. I had noticed a lot of discharge a couple of days before but was told it was perfectly normal in pregnancy and not to worry. I went to the EPU and was seen by a doctor who told me that my waters hadn't broken but I could have experienced a gush of discharge.
This was my first pregnancy but I knew it was my waters breaking.But these people know best so off I went. I was still leaking fluid on the Thursday so we went to the hospital again. We were there all day.
At about 4 o'clock a doctor and her team came to tell both my husband and I that I had suffered a Preterm Premature Rupture of Membranes (PPROM)
This had caused the fluid from the gestational sac to empty and I was at serious risk of miscarriage.
Now the choice we were given was to terminate the pregnancy now, or see if I could continue. With thoughts of miscarriage, brain damage to the baby if he came too early, lung problems if we allowed the pregnancy to continue, and a possible termination going through our heads we couldn't make a decision.
Sadly our boy chose for us, arriving at 1am on the Monday. It was a very quick delivery and with no pain at all.
Since that day we have had some very dark moments. We have been through every emotion.Happy that we were parents, sadness at his loss, anger at why us. My husband wouldn't get to proudly carry his first son out of the hospital in his car seat, I wouldn't get to feed him when he cried. The plans we had made and the things we had bought were all neatly packed away and hidden as though if we didn't see them, what had happened couldn't be true.
It was only after we went to see a counselor that she brought up the pain free labour I had.
The reason I had suffered the PPROM was due an incompetent cervix. It dilates too early and opens so that the weight of the baby becomes too much and tears the sac. Anna from Downton Abbey experienced the same as me.
Together, my husband Colin and I have got through this. We are stronger than ever because we have been open and honest about our feelings.
We sadly had another miscarriage in December last year at 7 weeks. I don't think you ever get 'over' a miscarriage. How can you? This was a person we made and I carried. My body was supposed to keep him safe until he was ready to meet us but sadly I couldn't do that.
My 2016 resolution was to be happy. Let's hope a rainbow baby can help with that.If you are reading this and have been through this please talk to your consultant or midwife. It doesn't matter if you feel silly or you're feeling you might be wasting their time. It could make all the difference.
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