At the hospital I was told there was no way of saving my baby

He was beautiful. My heart filled with love then broke into a million pieces.

Heartbreaking stories. Devastating stories. The miscarriage story needs to change. That's why we've created Tommy's book of #misCOURAGE. Read this story now and help spread the word that miscarriage can no longer be ignored. Help us change the story to save babies' lives.

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October 2016

Claire Stewart

Growing up all I ever wanted was to be a mum, I always assumed it would be easy. How naive was I.

My first pregnancy in 2004 wasn't a good one, but once I hit 12 weeks I thought I was out of the danger zone. At 18wks however I woke up after my waters broke.

At the hospital I was told there was no way of saving my baby.

Benjamin was born after 22 hours of labour, silently. I wasn't sure what I was expecting when the midwife handed him over to me, but I remember being surprised at how much like a baby he was. His nose and mouth, 10 fingers and toes.

He was beautiful. My heart filled with love then broke into a million pieces. 

It took almost 4 years for me to fall pregnant again, Duncan was born by emergency section, we believe his big brother was looking over him and made sure I got to the hospital in time.

5 more years passed with 3 more losses, 2 miscarriages and then an ectopic where I lost my left tube. I told my husband I was giving up. That we would be happy with what we have. Duncan would have all our focus. 

I was sad and very disappointed, but I could not go through anymore heartache.

In the following months my husband's nan passed followed quickly by my mother in-law so all my strength went to being there for my husband.

The family decided 6mths after their passing to have a family get together as a surprise for my father in-law, a week before we were due to travel I felt some familiar symptoms, and did 4 tests which all told me I was pregnant. 

I tried staying positive, it was so hard but with each scan I got the pregnancy progressed, I was told the heartbeat is strong we have a good feeling about this one. We found out we were have a girl, at 39+6 Faith was born by elective section, and our family was completed. 

I often wonder about the 4 children that never made it.

And I choose to believe they are somewhere waiting with their grandma for us all to be a family, it the only way I know how to deal with it. Life has taught me not to lose faith.

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Disclaimer

Please note that the opinions expressed by users in Tommy’s Book of #misCOURAGE are solely those of the user, who is unlikely to have had medical training. These opinions do not represent the opinions of Tommy’s and are not advice from Tommy's. Reading individual, real-life experiences can be a helpful resource, but it is never a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment from a qualified health care provider. We strongly advise readers not to take drugs that are not prescribed by your qualified healthcare provider. If you think you may have a medical emergency, call your doctor, midwife or hospital immediately. Read full disclaimer

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