by Carlie Ball
After conceiving my first child easily after two months of trying and having a picture perfect pregnancy, I couldn't wait to have another child. When my son was 5 months old we started trying for our second expecting it to happen quickly again. It didn't.
Months and months went by, things got harder, it was no longer fun trying to conceive, it was scary. The thought that it may never happen again. Friends started trying after me and getting pregnant before me, pushing home the pain of what I was missing and wanted so badly.
After 13 months trying, I finally got a positive pregnancy test. The pain of the past 13 months evaporated immediately. Although the joy was short-lived for just two weeks until I suffered an early miscarriage. I went to the toilet and when I wiped there was bright red flow of blood, I knew immediately.
Unfortunately it happened on a weekend when no maternity services were available for early pregnancy.
I had to wait until Monday to go to the early pregnancy unit for a scan. By which time I knew my baby had gone and I was going for the confirmation as opposed to reassurance. Heartbroken was an understatement. The thought of trying to conceive again filled me with dread.
I didn't want to go through month and month upset, but the thought of not having another child was even more devastating. Expecting it to happen quickly as the rumours that your more fertile after a miscarriage filled me with hope. Although it did not happen. Months went by, we started the ball rolling for tests and consultations, being our second we had no help from NHS.
Coincidentally 13 months after my miscarriage, 1 month before we were due to start IVF, I got another positive test. Excitement changed to fear of going through another miscarriage.
Thankfully it never happened and I am now holding a 3 week old baby in my arms :)
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