Back in 2009 I knew I was pregnant without doing a test. I told my husband of my thoughts and we both agreed to do a test. As we sat on the bed the results were ready. It was very difficult to see the + sign but it was there just very faint. Because of the faint line I really wanted to do a digital one. Again we sat on the bed and the result appeared. It read 'pregnant 3-4 weeks'
Having been pregnant before I knew something didn't feel right.
A week later I went to a supermarket and bought multivitamins for pregnancy. I had never bought these with my previous pregnancies only folic acid. We went home and I started the taking the multivitamins.
A week later I started getting a sharp pain in the sole of my foot. That pain was immense but I didn't think anything about it. A day later I then started to get a sharp pain my my right shoulder. Again I didn't think anything of it. The day after I started to bleed ever so slightly. I asked my husband to take me to hospital as I have never suffered with bleeding before.
We were taken from A&E round to the antenatal clinic. That was not the best thing for a woman worrying if all was ok. The sent me into a side room with a scan. During the scan the lady just looked and didn't say anything. She called a doctor and they did the scan again.
"I am very sorry to tell you but by the size of your baby and by the weeks pregnant you are, we are sorry to say that the baby does not have a heart beat"
Those were the most heart breaking words I had ever heard.
We were taken out of the scan room and put into a grief room. I was told that because I had started to bleed, I should be able to miscarry naturally. I didn't know how I felt about that but I knew it was the right thing for me to do. I could say good bye in my own way.
I was only 6-7 weeks pregnant but still it hurt like I was 20+ weeks pregnant. The love I had for that child was out of this world.
It took a while for me to accept what had happened and decided to buy a magnolia tree. Every day we get to say good morning or good night. I have a little chat with junior (the tree) when I am down.
After the miscarriage I became desperate to get pregnant again. Putting a lot of stress on both myself and my husband.
I knew I could carry and I knew that I could fall pregnant. I was just desperate to know if i could again.
We lost the baby in May and by August I decided to give up trying. It was putting way to much pressure on everyone and really was not healthy.
Then in October I found out I was pregnant again. That pregnancy was difficult because with every little pain, with every little quiet moment from the kicking I kept asking if he was ok.
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