The hardest thing about repeated miscarriages is the not knowing. You just want answers

Helen gave birth to her daughter, Nicole, in January 2010. She’s gone on to suffer four miscarriages in the last three years.

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by Helen Gough

February 2016

I’d only stopped taking the pill for four weeks when we conceived Nicole. My pregnancy was problem free, I loved it, and our daughter was delivered by forceps at 41 weeks. Everything went so smoothly, we never expected there would be such heartbreak ahead.

We were going on honeymoon in 2012 when I realised my period was late, I put it down to wedding stress but, when we came home, a pregnancy test confirmed we were expecting. We were surprised, but delighted.

We were so excited as we went in for our 12-week-scan on November 1, but we were given the heartbreaking news that I’d miscarried, our baby had stopped growing at just over 7 weeks.

It was completely surreal and I struggled to take it in

I’d suffered no bleeding or pain, so it was diagnosed as a missed miscarriage. I chose to have a D&C because I just didn’t feel strong enough to go through a natural miscarriage.

They had also told me that they could carry out tests on the foetus if I had a D&C and, we were desperate to know how this had happened. I had the operation the following day.

We started trying again and by Spring 2013 I was pregnant. I was very scared when I saw that positive pregnancy test; all the joy of my previous two tests had evaporated.

Sitting in the waiting room before our 12-week-scan, there were posters on the wall explaining that one in four pregnancies resulted in miscarriage.

I found myself counting the number of women in the room and, wondering if it would be me again. It was; our baby had died at around 7 weeks.

It was completely devastating and my way of coping was to throw myself back into work. I’m a nursery nurse and I know, for some women, being around little children after a miscarriage would be unthinkable, but I love my job and I love children, being around them didn’t make me feel sad.

Although, I’d have to say that the second miscarriage was harder. It’s so hard to pass it off as bad luck, little did I know that would become even harder.

In November 2014 we had another positive pregnancy test and, an early scan at 8 weeks that showed us a heartbeat and reassured us everything was okay. But at our 12-week-scan we learned that our baby had passed away at 9 weeks.

Hearing that heartbeat had given me such confidence, to lose that baby left me feeling so insecure

All I could think was the more miscarriages I had, the less chance of going on to have a healthy baby. It felt like with every loss my chances of having another child were decreasing.

At this point we were referred to a specialist and given lots of tests, which all came back normal. It was good news but, in a way, so hard because we were desperately looking for answers.

In Spring 2015 I was pregnant again. We weren’t offered an early scan and, at 12 weeks, we found out our baby had passed away at 9 weeks. I felt so sorry for the sonographer; she was a trainee and, with my history, probably shouldn’t have been put in that position.

I was referred to City hospital in Dudley under a registrar, where they’ve tested me for sticky blood. They asked me to stop taking the pill, which can affect results and, go back for more tests in March.

Last month I had a scan to check if there were any abnormalities, or anything left behind after surgery and, it came back saying my womb was completely clear. I’ve also had tests on my thyroid, because there’s a history of problems with women in my family, but all the results came back normal.

It’s good news, but the hardest thing about repeated miscarriages is the not knowing. You just want answers. Physically I’ve always healed very well, but emotionally it’s been really tough.

I just feel very thankful I’ve got my beautiful little girl and try and keep myself busy

A close friend gave birth nine weeks ago and while I’m over the moon for her, it’s hard to see her experiencing what I’m missing out on. My due date would have been around now.

Tommy’s campaign is so important because women need to know that there’s help available. I think that there’s a lack of understanding from medical professionals and, I only pushed for answers because a lovely nurse told me that’s what I needed to do.

I feel such a mixture of emotions; guilt, sadness, anger. Sometimes I just want to be on my own, my husband and I haven’t even spoken about the last miscarriage. What is there to say?

I feel very overwhelmed, I feel scared and emotionally drained but, at the same time, I have a little girl so I just keep going. Nicole is desperate for a baby sister and I can’t explain why it’s not happening. I’m just hoping, at some point, she’ll get the sister she wants so much. I’m still hoping.

 

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Disclaimer

Please note that the opinions expressed by users in Tommy’s Book of #misCOURAGE are solely those of the user, who is unlikely to have had medical training. These opinions do not represent the opinions of Tommy’s and are not advice from Tommy's. Reading individual, real-life experiences can be a helpful resource, but it is never a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment from a qualified health care provider. We strongly advise readers not to take drugs that are not prescribed by your qualified healthcare provider. If you think you may have a medical emergency, call your doctor, midwife or hospital immediately. Read full disclaimer

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