Eventually the girl said those words "I'm sorry but I can't find a heartbeat."

Even through all the heartache I have experienced, I wouldn't change it for the world, as without it I wouldn't have my beautiful princess.

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April 2016

My husband and I have been together since our teens and had a plan for getting a house, getting married, having babies; and everything was going to plan.

I fell pregnant in September 2012 in our first month of trying.

I had horrid morning sickness and was prescribed anti-sickness tablets and iron tablets when I went to see the midwife at 8 weeks.

I also read a lot, and was on forums. One story stuck in my mind, a lady who was pregnant and went to her 12 week scan to be told that there was no heartbeat.

I picked my husband up from work to head out of town for a scan as the scanning centres in town were too busy. I said to him when I picked him up this scan will change our lives whether it is good news or bad.

I'd thrown up the day of the scan, so I no longer never believe those words 'If your sick baby is OK.'

We waited for ages on being called and I was dying for the toilet. They took us into a room with three other couples, separated by a curtain so there was no real privacy.

They put the gel on my belly and started scanning but said nothing. Eventually the girl said those words "I'm sorry but I can't find a heartbeat".

We were devastated. They took me to a room and told us the options.

The hardest part was having to tell everyone, we had been so excited and as we were over 12 weeks we had thought it was OK.

 A few days later I went into hospital to have the process started. I'd opted for the pill as I wanted to get on with having a family ASAP. Only once I passed the baby the bleeding didn't stop, they went inside twice and then gave me an injection which eventually worked but I was very weak and had to stay in hospital.

When pregnant we had bought a new house so we were busy with the move in January. Then in February I realised I hadn't had any bleeding since before Christmas. A blood test confirmed I was pregnant but the second test two days later revealed the baby wasn't developing.

This time I let nature take its course and 8 weeks later I passed the baby.

I then immediately fell pregnant again.

At every scan I was terrified and cried but the sonographers were great and showed me the heartbeat immediately which helped put me at ease.

On 11 January 2014 at 8.16pm my daughter was born by emergency C-section and taken to neonatal. I got to see her for 10 mins at 2am then it was 11am before I got to see her again as I was also very ill. I got my first cuddle at 4pm the next day and it was an amazing feeling.

My daughter is my life, I love her more than the world. Even through all the heartache I have experienced, I wouldn't change it for the world as without it I wouldn't have my beautiful princess.

I'm currently 7/8 weeks pregnant with our second child and am terrified that something will go wrong. I've had a scan already which confirmed a heartbeat so so far so good but I don't think I will remain calm until my 12 week scan on 30th Dec, so we will be getting a private scan.

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Disclaimer

Please note that the opinions expressed by users in Tommy’s Book of #misCOURAGE are solely those of the user, who is unlikely to have had medical training. These opinions do not represent the opinions of Tommy’s and are not advice from Tommy's. Reading individual, real-life experiences can be a helpful resource, but it is never a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment from a qualified health care provider. We strongly advise readers not to take drugs that are not prescribed by your qualified healthcare provider. If you think you may have a medical emergency, call your doctor, midwife or hospital immediately. Read full disclaimer

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