The deepest sadness

I had clearly done something wrong because my body couldn’t do the one job it was supposed to do.

Story of Miscourage

Heartbreaking stories. Devastating stories. The miscarriage story needs to change. That's why we've created Tommy's book of #misCOURAGE. Read this story now and help spread the word that miscarriage can no longer be ignored. Help us change the story to save babies' lives.

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Story of #miscourage by Sarah

We finally decided to start trying for a baby and our journey started 3 years ago... we tried for 6 months and found our we were expecting our first!

One of the most amazing days in my life, I was so excited! As a couple we were a little guarded because people tell you that you shouldn’t share your news before 12 weeks, just to be safe...just in case.

But you never think it will be you, not really you imagine all those people that it does happen to and then you think “but that’s not us, we will get to meet our most wanted and cherished baby”. And then I had a weird feeling at 8 weeks, I couldn’t place my finger on it but I told our baby that all she had to do was to stay put and as far as I was aware she was.

We made it to 9 weeks and then 10, but as we edge close to our first scan I started to spot and immediately knew the worst had happened. We went for the scan, that dreaded waiting room where everyone else is anxiously waiting but no one walked out crying... not until I had my scan. I was devastated. We had lost our little baby. I had lost her. No one else was to blame, just me.

I had clearly done something wrong because my body couldn’t do the one job it was supposed to do. We had suffered a silent miscarriage or missed miscarriage. It doesn’t overly help however you label it, it was a complete shock to the system.

You don’t only lose the baby you had longed for or got so excited about you lose what you had planned for the future, you grieve for all the things that baby will never get to do, what you will never get to do with them.

It took me just under 2 years for that grief to lift, two years of struggling to get pregnant again and two years of feeling like a part of me had been stolen away.

I will always remember that baby, that we should have met but never did but I will never forget the compassion that so many women showed me when I told them what we had gone through and how so many of them hadn’t spoken of their losses.

Whilst we guarded our pregnancies I always told my close family and friends because ultimately they are what got me through the physical and emotional pain of losing some so precious.

It’s the deepest sadness that I have ever felt, but that baby taught me how to empathise and support other woman who have gone through miscarriages, and that is a gift that no one else could have given me but that baby I never met. #misCOURAGE

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Disclaimer

Please note that the opinions expressed by users in Tommy’s Book of #misCOURAGE are solely those of the user, who is unlikely to have had medical training. These opinions do not represent the opinions of Tommy’s and are not advice from Tommy's. Reading individual, real-life experiences can be a helpful resource, but it is never a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment from a qualified health care provider. We strongly advise readers not to take drugs that are not prescribed by your qualified healthcare provider. If you think you may have a medical emergency, call your doctor, midwife or hospital immediately. Read full disclaimer

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