The cot remained up as I couldn't bring myself to take it down

I will never forget the two babies that I never got to meet, and I always wonder if they would have been boys or girls and what they would have been like.

Heartbreaking stories. Devastating stories. The miscarriage story needs to change. That's why we've created Tommy's book of #misCOURAGE. Read this story now and help spread the word that miscarriage can no longer be ignored. Help us change the story to save babies' lives.

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#misCOURAGE story, 22/05/2017, by Rebecca

Previous to this miscarriage I am about to talk about, I lost a baby very early at 4 weeks. I tested a week early and discovered I was pregnant. On the day my period would have been due, I lost my baby.

Several months after this, I discovered I was pregnant again, and petrified of the same thing happening.

Everything seemed to be going normally, until I began to spot pink blood at what I thought was 11+1 weeks. I had no cramping and so thought it was normal (as spotting can be normal in early pregnancy).

I was at work at the time, and phoned the early pregnancy unit to ask advice. They booked me in for a scan the following day and told me to rest until then.

So I went home and waited until the next day, still with no pain and minimal spotting. The next day, I went to the epu and while waiting for my scan, I just knew I had lost my baby, my gut was telling me my baby had died.

Sure enough, not many minutes into the scan, I was hit with the devastating news that my baby had indeed died. My baby had likely died around 7 weeks, but my body held on to it, as a what is known as a missed or silent miscarriage.

I was told that I could either have a D and C or go home and let nature take its course. I opted to just go home and let things happen naturally.

Sure enough that night I began getting very bad back pain and tummy cramping, with lots of bleeding. I couldn't handle the pain and painkillers were not working.

My partner took me to A&E as I just wasn't coping. I was seen by the triage nurse, and told her I was there because I was suffering a miscarriage and was in horrendous pain.

Her response was "how do you know you are miscarrying?" In my head I was thinking, well the immense pain and amount of blood is a huge give away. But out loud I said "because I was in the epu a matter of hours ago and told that my baby had died and that I should prepare to miscarry."

I was sent home with strong painkillers and told to rest. The next day, I was sat in bed, with my back in bits, but I decided to try and walk around and ease it a bit.

I got to the top of the stairs and felt something leave my body. On going to the toilet, what would have been my baby and all the accompanying tissue fell into the toilet.

I couldn't bare to just flush it away...that was my baby. I fished it out and stared at it for ages, trying to come to terms with the fact that my baby was laying on my bathroom floor.

In the end, I decided to carefully wrap everything up, I said goodbye and flushed it away...what else could I do??

Following on from this, I went into the room that was meant to be the baby's nursery, where the cot was set up and waiting. We had bought it just before we lost the baby, as we thought we were close enough to 12 weeks to be safe to buy.

The cot remained up as I couldn't bring myself to take it down. Four months later, I discovered I was pregnant again, as we decided we wanted to keep trying.

And now I have a happy and healthy 3 year old little boy. I was petrified throughout my pregnancy with him, yet I had a perfect pregnancy with him, apart from bad sickness.

I adore my son and he is my life. But I will never forget the two babies that I never got to meet, and I always wonder if they would have been boys or girls and what they would have been like.

Nobody should be afraid to share their miscarriage stories.

#miscourage

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Disclaimer

Please note that the opinions expressed by users in Tommy’s Book of #misCOURAGE are solely those of the user, who is unlikely to have had medical training. These opinions do not represent the opinions of Tommy’s and are not advice from Tommy's. Reading individual, real-life experiences can be a helpful resource, but it is never a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment from a qualified health care provider. We strongly advise readers not to take drugs that are not prescribed by your qualified healthcare provider. If you think you may have a medical emergency, call your doctor, midwife or hospital immediately. Read full disclaimer

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