The summer of 2013 we started trying for a baby. After a few months of disappointment, we finally found out we were expecting a baby, due November 2014.We were so excited to share our news, so told a few close family members and friends.
At 10 weeks after just telling two very excited sisters, I bled a little. Then a little more, and a little more. I was booked into the early pregnancy clinic for the next day.
We were so optimistic, maybe a little naïve, that I attended alone only to see there was a small sac with no heartbeat. I was told it was very likely I'd miscarry within the next week. My mum came to support me and my husband a few days later.
During a presentation at work I started to feel small pains in my tummy, on and off. They got stronger and more frequent through the evening. At 1am on 30th April I woke bleeding heavily with heavy pains.
I went for a scan a couple of days later that just confirmed what we already knew.
Devastated and grieving, we tried to smile through with only a few people knowing what happened. The worst was after my birthday when a colleague commented that I should 'hurry up and have a baby before time runs out'.
I ended up having anxiety and needed to talk to a professional about how to deal with it. I avoided intimacy with my husband for fear it would happen again.
Things became easier when I knew I wasn't alone. I found out that 3 women in my family and many more had miscarriages also, I felt stronger drawing from their stories.
I still found it hard to be around babies, during that time I found out my sister was pregnant, due about the same time of year of my baby loss, that was hard to deal with.
I was able to get pregnant again eventually but unfortunately, 11 months later on 30th March I lost another. This time around, I bled again and had another early scan.
We saw a heartbeat and a little bean of a baby. It looked so real and felt like the right time.
This baby was due October 2015. I had a few friends on Facebook due about the same time which was exceptionally hard to deal with. The second time around, I felt like it was easier to deal with.
During all this time I had 3 friends who were dealing with miscarriages & infertility, I felt like I could help them.
Almost two years to the day after my first miscarriage my son was born, healthy and beautiful. The wait and the loss was hard to accept, but he came at the right time for us.
I'll never forget those babies. We have framed dried flowers from bunches we were given at the time of the losses as a small memorial.
I wish that people would speak up more & that I would have the courage to speak up more about experiences. If I had known that this was more common I wouldn't have felt isolated to start with.
Please note that the opinions expressed by users in Tommy’s Book of #misCOURAGE are solely those of the user, who is unlikely to have had medical training. These opinions do not represent the opinions of Tommy’s and are not advice from Tommy's. Reading individual, real-life experiences can be a helpful resource, but it is never a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment from a qualified health care provider. We strongly advise readers not to take drugs that are not prescribed by your qualified healthcare provider. If you think you may have a medical emergency, call your doctor, midwife or hospital immediately. Read full disclaimer