My husband and I started planning a family late 2011. I fell pregnant reasonably easily, however at our 12 week scan we found out that our baby had Anencephaly. We were devastated and with advice and support decided to have a termination for medical reasons. Six months later we felt able to try again. Sadly we had a spontaneous miscarriage at 10 weeks. We fell pregnant again very quickly and thankfully we had our son.
When he was two, we decided to try again for a baby brother or sister for our son. Having had a healthy baby we were so positive and excited but at 10 weeks I started to bleed. I had a scan which showed a missed miscarriage but was advised to wait two weeks for a repeat scan in case I had my dates wrong. I was sure that my dates were right and endured an awful two weeks wait where I continued to bleed but did not miscarry.
The second scan confirmed missed miscarriage and I was advised to return for medical management. Unfortunately it didn't work and I had to go theatre. The whole thing was awful, I was so angry and sad, and felt so incapable. Incapable of carrying our baby, yet incapable of miscarrying. I know that sounds mixed up, but I was so confused and overwhelmed. Although losing our first two babies was hard, our third loss hit me the worst. I can't pinpoint why to be honest.
Afterwards my periods stopped for 8 months and I was diagnosed with cervical scarring following the miscarriage and D&C. I have since had an operation and treatment and I think my body is finally getting back to normal. I also had counseling to help me come to terms with my grief which had helped a lot.
My husband and I have spoken about planning another baby. I would love to try again but I'm so scared that I may miscarry again and worry if I could cope.
I'm not sure what we'll do but I couldn't have got through the last year without my husband and my friend's.
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