For years my husband and I had been trying for a baby, for years we were told it's because I was too fat..... truth was I have polycystic ovaries or PCOS for short. Lose weight they said that will help, I fought to lose 4 and half stone and guess what it didn't help!!
Eventually my consultant agreed we needed help.... they gave me clomid which was supposed to help my eggs grow, they turned me into a monster for a few days every month, we did everything I was supposed too, went for the scan (an internal scan is used to detect the egg size embarrassing you would think - not so much after so many of them!!) it seems my ovaries didn't want to play fair and kept hiding away, being prodded and poked by the scanner, feeling uncomfortable whilst they searched....eventually a few faint eggs appeared, some too small and not viable, one month there was a couple of larger ones, there was hope this time.
I was given an injection to help release the eggs, sex was timed, took all the fun away, made it seem like a chore...., spending the next two weeks symptom spotting, every twinge, every pain, every mood swing became a sign..... but nope it was never meant to be.
After 18 months of this we were told our only option was IVF however I'd done some research, came across ovarian drilling a procedure to help women with pcos conceive, my consultant agreed too it and pencilled the procedure into her diary.
A few weeks later the procedure was done, I recovered and we started back on the crazy clomid journey, no hope or expectations it would work..... imagine our surprise when in September two lines appeared on the pregnancy test.
A few more tests and a lot of tears later we couldn't believe it we were finally pregnant.
An early scan at 5 weeks confirmed a little baby peanut with a strong heartbeat we were over joyed, we told nobody kept the secret to ourselves, then one night I had signs of bleeding, an anxious visit to the hospital the following day revealed all was fine, we were two days away from 12 weeks, that day we shared our enjoyment with the world a proud mummy & daddy to be.
The next day changed our lives, our future, I awoke to immense pains, bleeding, range the early pregnancy unit to be told they wouldn't scan me again for a week, to put my feet up, take some pain relief and ring them in a week.
A midweek scan confirmed our peanut was gone the following weeks past in a blur, so much pain and upset.
Now our only hope is IVF, we can't afford it on our wages and can't have it funded by the NHS as my husband has children from a previous marriage yet if we move 20 miles away this would be different..... how cruel is that??
We hope one day our lives will change and we will have a family of our own but it's all just a dream for now!!!
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