by Nicola Watson
It was really hard. I was having a small bleed so my doctor sent me to the epu where they checked me out and did a pregnancy test. They told me that my baby was fine and that I should come back in three days for a scan.
I went for scan and still go no answers, all I was told was that I had a sack but no baby as of yet, and that I should come back in two weeks for another scan.
The doctor said that finding just a sack so early in pregnancy was quite common and that the baby would be found at 7 weeks.
For the next few days I had my hopes up even though I knew I'd lost my baby then. I had a heavy bleed and phoned the epu who told me that it sounded like I'd lost my baby.
They advised me to take pain killers and go to bed.
I was so annoyed I was getting nowhere with anyone that by the time I went back for the second scan I was in very deep depression.
All I wanted was someone to listen to me and reassure me that it wasn't my fault.
Instead I was given a leaflet and told I could try again as soon as my bleeding had stopped. For over a year I cried myself to sleep thinking it was my fault then I found out I was pregnant again I had mixed emotions.
I really wanted my baby I was on edge at the beginning until I saw my bundle of joy for the first time at 10 weeks. At 15 weeks I had to see a consultant, who told me that as I was a big lady they needed to keep an eye on me as women that are overweight are more likely to suffer miscarriages and stillbirth.
This news was put to me insensitively and it sparked my depression. I'm now 29 weeks pregnant but I still panic every day. The day that I hold my daughter in my arms will be the best day that I've had in two years.
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