Story of #miscourage by Anonymous,
I found out I was pregnant on the 7th of April 2015, 2-3 weeks the test said. I had the achiest boobs, and was sick every time I seen food.
I told my other half, and he ran half a mile, we still lived with our parents, and maybe people would say 'we're too young' but anyway he came around and we were both excited for being a family!
I remember one night I dreamt that I had woken up in a pool of blood, that I had lost our baby, my mum reassured me that everything was fine that it was just a bad sleep and our little one was fine!
The 20th of may came around and that's when I had my 12 week scan, there was no heartbeat, I was broken. He was broken. I suffered a 'missed miscarriage' our baby's heart beat stopped at around 9 weeks and 5 days - the midwife took us in to a room and explained it all and what would happen next, all I remember is her telling my partner to 'take me home and get a cup of tea with a few sugars' like tea was going to help, but he did he took me home and made me a cuppa and I couldn't.
I just cried.
I was sat still carrying my unborn baby knowing that I'd never get to meet my baby, they baby that I had already bought clothes for, the one that I was going to take to nursery and one day we'd see get married and create there own family, all those hopes and dreams for our miracle suddenly disappeared.
I was made to wait a week before going to talk about my options, in the mean time I had to continue daily life, I felt sick constantly; and couldn't eat, I was scared to go to the loo encase I was bleeding so I didn't drink either.
I felt like my body let me down, it was a failure and it was being punished. A week later we went to talk to the midwife, and I got another scan, they didn't believe me that the baby hadn't came away, and I had no sign of anything happening, I had another ultrasound and was told 'baby doesn't want to leave it's mummy after all' which broke my heart into a million little pieces! They wanted to give me another week to see if nature took its course but my mum stood her ground and said that I couldn't go on the way I had for another week; and nor I could, it was HELL!
The next day at 11am I was scheduled to come in for a D/C - the consultant came round and I just begged her to look after my baby, that afternoon I was put to sleep and my little baby was brought into the world sleeping. I woke up in the theatre after the procedure and woke up in a panic; our baby was in the same room but in two separate worlds.
I have never been through anything so tough and agonising in my life.
A year later I fell pregnant again; I was petrified for the 12 week scan, but my little one was jumping around on my bladder having a great time!
Now I have a rainbow baby, but there's not one day that I don't think about my beautiful angel that made us parents!
To my little angel baby, the day you passed you took a part of me with you, you are a huge part of who I have become today, and I will always love you.
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