by Tracey Cutting
I already had five healthy children, but when a close friend gave birth to a baby girl in 2007, it made me very broody. That October I suspected I was pregnant when we got the BFP ( big fat positive ) Ray and I were so excited that we told the children and our families.
A few weeks went by when I started spotting. I rested as much as I could but when I started having pain and cramps I booked in for a early scan. I wanted an internal scan as I was only about 7 weeks but the hospital said that the bleeding was nothing to do with the baby and that you could see baby's heartbeat beating away.
Two weeks later I felt very tired and had a bit of backache, I suddenly felt a lot of blood come out of me. I rushed to the bathroom and saw I was bleeding very heavily, I was scared. Our local hospital was 13 miles away so we went straight there.
What happened next will live with me for the rest of my life; I was at the A & E reception and the pain was unbearable, I was trying to call for help but my words wouldn't come out. The baby came away there and then down my trouser leg I couldn't do anything. The blood was pouring out and I dropped to the floor as my legs gave way.
The next thing I remember was being in was in a wheelchair. I'd lost the baby in the entrance of A&E.
I was mortified and people were staring
Poor Ray didn't know what to do he felt helpless - but the nurses were fantastic, they couldn't have done enough.
I had to spend the night in hospital as I was loosing a lot of blood and had to be scanned the next day to make sure everything had come away.
I was 9 weeks pregnant and had a complete miscarriage. I felt empty, heartbroken,emotional and mentally drained, it was one of the worst things I had ever been through and all I could think was WHY????????????
A nurse came and told me that 'Baby Cutting' would be put into a labelled white box and sent to the crematorium at the end of the day and discretely cremated with other babies.
I was given some leaflets but that was it ..no offer of help or support or even counselling And to this day almost 9 years on....I still question WHY??????
This is the first time I have really spoken about what happened that day but I know the anniversary 4th November 2007 is stamped in my brain and I will never ever forget the part of me that passed with the angels along with baby Charlie-Ray - RIP my prince.
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