I never wanted to have kids. I don't have patience, I love myself to much... but when I find out that I was pregnant, I was very happy. My husband too.
We were very young, two 21 year olds. My sister was pregnant at the same time,and she didn't want to have the baby. She went to get an abortion,but it was too late. Meanwhile, I was so exited! But after few days of knowing that I was pregnant, I started to feel bad, and not pregnant bad, I just didn't feel right. I went to see the doctors few times a week, but he told me to stop coming to the surgery because "he knows people like me - lazy, who don't want to go to work."
Because the pain didn't get any better, I went to see the doctor again.This time he sent me to the hospital, because he thought my appendix was acting out. After 6 hours in the waiting room, I had a scan and I was told that my baby is dead. No heart beat for at least 3 weeks.
A year later, I fell pregnant again, this time I had a miscarriage at 4 weeks. Then 2 years later,I fell pregnant again, and this time too, I had a missed miscarriage
Our world turned upside down,I didn't want to see anyone.I couldn't go to see my sister, because of her baby girl,I kept imagining that my baby would be the same age.
After losing three babies I felt guilty. I hated myself, hated my body for letting me down.
Then we got tested, and doctors found a problem with my blood. I was told that as soon as we start thinking about having a baby, I will need to get medicine to control my blood problem. That's what we did. And finally now we have 2 beautiful kids, a boy and a girl.
Even though 7 years have passed after losing our first child, everyday I think about them. How would they look? How happy I would be...
We gave them names, and when we talk about them we use their names. I can't help but think that now instead of 2 kids running around, I should have 5 :-(
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