#misCOURAGE 22/08/17 by Jessica Bunce
November 2016, February 2017 and July 2017.
These dates will be forever significant for my husband and I. July 2017 was our 3rd miscarriage, it was different to the previous 2 as those both started with bleeding and cramps and I soon knew what was happening to me.
For the 3rd we went for our 12 weeks scan not quite believing we had gotten to this stage, so excited. We had bought a photo frame to put the scan picture into and planned our ‘Rainbow Baby’ announcement. The midwife started the scan and looked at me and said ‘Are you sure about your dates’ at this point the world stopped and I knew again what was happening. Before the scan I had no bleeding, no cramps and still having pregnancy symptoms only to be told our baby had stopped growing at 9 weeks and there was no heartbeat. My heart was torn from me, my husband and I drove away and pulled into a car park to break the devastating news to our parents when we both broke down and sobbed into each other’s arms. We honestly had no idea and thought everything was fine.
I was booked in for an operation to have our baby removed 2 days later and spent 1 day in hospital which was the worst day of my life to date and since a day has not gone past when I have not cried. A part of me feels angry with everything and everyone, Why me? It’s not fair, what have my husband and I done to deserve this? Will I ever be able to provide my husband with the child we both so dearly want.
We are both so lucky to have our friends and family around to support us through these times but I can’t help but feel so alone and unable to talk about what has happened without crying. I feel defeated and crushed by what has happened and feel useless as a woman to not be able to carry my child. I can’t help but think it will never happen for us but I know this thinking will get me nowhere and I must be strong for everyone around me.
So, from here we have looked forward and have been referred for testing which I am hoping will show something which can be ‘fixed’ but also hoping nothing is wrong.
It has helped me so much reading other stories so if mine just helps one person to get though what I can only describe as the most heart wrenching time of my life then that's good.
It has also helped to write down my feelings so thank you for reading.
Please note that the opinions expressed by users in Tommy’s Book of #misCOURAGE are solely those of the user, who is unlikely to have had medical training. These opinions do not represent the opinions of Tommy’s and are not advice from Tommy's. Reading individual, real-life experiences can be a helpful resource, but it is never a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment from a qualified health care provider. We strongly advise readers not to take drugs that are not prescribed by your qualified healthcare provider. If you think you may have a medical emergency, call your doctor, midwife or hospital immediately. Read full disclaimer
By Gilliane (not verified) on 12 Oct 2018 - 19:45
II had 3 miscarriages. They were not straightforward I was ill with migraines and severe vomiting before the first. I vomited so much I lost the baby at 13 weeks. Doctors would not give me anti sickness tablets until it was too late. I then had retained tissue as was told a complete miscarriage but foetus was still there for 4 month's. So was ill with constant bleeding and infections. The 3rd was a missed miscarriage I then had to wait 3 weeks on removal. I thought I was coping but this week my husband told me he is leaving me as he is desperate for children. I feel worthless useless and sad. No one told me or suggested my marriage would also end. Ive lost everything. I was only tested for hughes syndrome they said if I could hand in foetus after 3rd they would do a genetic analysis but then couldn't. There was no advice given really. It's sad
By Midwife @Tommys on 18 Oct 2018 - 13:29
Dear Gilliane, Thank you for your comment.
We are so sorry to hear of the situation that you are facing at the moment. Please be reassured that your miscarriages were not your fault, sometimes they have no cause and cannot be predicted. After 3 miscarriages, you can be referred for further investigations and you can do this through your GP. It is important that you have support around you at this time. Have you spoke to your husband about getting counselling together as you both want children not just him and there other issues going on?
I would speak to your GP if you feel that your mood is getting lower as you do need that extra support at this difficult time. Help and support is there, you just need to confide in someone and ask for help. We really hope that you and your husband can work through your differences and that you can start your journey to a positive future. Take Care, Tommy's Midwives x
By Rachel (not verified) on 15 May 2018 - 18:05
I just been through the same thing today just had my 12 week scan and no heartbeat had a scan at 8 and a weeks heartbeat and everythi g was fine this is my third miscarriage it's just so unfair and worry I won't be able to have children.
By Midwife @Tommys on 16 May 2018 - 14:25
We are so sorry to hear about your recent miscarriage, we can't even begin to imagine what you must be going through at this time. As this is your 3rd miscarriage you are entitled to a referral on the NHS to a recurrent miscarriage clinic or for further tests if you feel like this is the next step you would like to take. Depending on what your local NHS hospital provides, if you would like to email the Tommy's Midwives on [email protected], then we can send you the information about our miscarriage centres. If you feel like this would be an options for you, you can then see your GP who will be able to send a referral to the centre which is most locally to you. Hope that this helps and if we can help in any way then please get in touch. Take Care, Tommy's Midwives x
By Stephanie (not verified) on 31 Jan 2018 - 17:30
I had 3 miscarriages before having my oldest boy (now 8) and another 1 before having my youngest. So please, don't give up hope x
By Midwife @Tommys on 1 Feb 2018 - 10:43
Hi Stephanie, Thank you for you lovely comment.
It is lovely when women like yourself share their stories so that it gives others hope of their own Rainbow baby. Thank Care, Tommy's Midwives x
By Anonymous (not verified) on 8 Oct 2017 - 02:46
I read your story with recognition and such pain for you. I also had three consecutive miscarriages in one year and nearly lost my mind. All I can tell you is that for us, persevering turned out to be right: we waited a few months till I felt able to bear trying again, and then conceived my son who is now 9 months. I have two friends who both had healthy babies after 4 consecutive losses. I hope it will be as lucky for you. Thank you to Tommys for making a place to share these stories; we are not as alone as we feel.
By Midwife @Tommys on 9 Oct 2017 - 16:30
Such lovely words. Thank you x