After a miscarriage

Recovering from a miscarriage can be very hard. Ask for support from the people around you if you need to. Your doctor and midwife can support you, too.

The hospital or unit that you are seen at will probably provide some information about miscarriage, including details about local support groups.

Everyone reacts differently after a miscarriage. You are entitled to any feelings you have, no matter when you lost your baby. Some people prefer to take time to recover, while others want to get back to normal life as soon as possible. It’s important to follow your doctor’s advice and listen to your body.

 

Going back to work

Before you leave the hospital, it may be helpful to ask your doctor about how long you should take off work to recover. Depending on your circumstances, you may need to take some time off.

Miscarriage can be a traumatic experience, so remember that you may need time to recover emotionally as well as physically. Your partner may also need to take some compassionate leave. This may be to recover emotionally or to care for you.

If you need time off work after your miscarriage, this should be treated as pregnancy-related sickness. Your doctor or GP can give you a sick note (also known as a fit note) that you can give to your employer.

Emotional recovery after miscarriage

Emotional recovery after a miscarriage can be very difficult. Many women start imagining their baby’s future from the moment they knew they were pregnant. You may need some time to mourn your baby and all the hopes and dreams you had for them.

Some women and couples don’t feel comfortable with this grief. They may feel it’s unjustified because they never met their baby. It doesn’t matter how far along you were, nothing should stop you from grieving for the baby you made. Find out more about your feelings after a miscarriage

Getting support

For some people, having a miscarriage is not something you necessarily ‘get over’. Many women and couples feel that they learn to cope with the loss, rather than get over it.

Talk to the people who can best support you. This may be your partner, a family member or friend.

“For me, it would have been helpful to know that it is ok and normal to want to talk about it. People think because they may not have told anyone about the pregnancy they can’t talk about their miscarriage. But they may find that other people have been through similar experiences.”
Sam

If you feel you are not coping, no matter how long after the miscarriage, ask for help. You may need more support such as professional counselling. Find out how to get support after a miscarriage.

If you have a partner, be prepared to give each other space and time to grieve. You and your partner may react to a miscarriage very differently. Everyone has their own way of grieving and it may help to accept and respect those differences. Find out more about your relationship with your partner after a miscarriage.

Pregnancy ads

At Tommy's we often hear from women and men who are bombarded with ads promoting maternity and baby products after loss, which can be really distressing.

Find out how to stop pregnancy ads

Looking for causes of miscarriage

Unfortunately, we still don’t know why every miscarriage happens. That’s why Tommy’s has opened the UK’s only research centre dedicated to understanding miscarriage and preventing it.

Not knowing why it happened can be very difficult to come to terms with and can lead to some women and couples blaming themselves. But most miscarriages are not caused by anything you have or have not done.

However, there are some reasons why a miscarriage may happen that we do know about. Find out more about the cause of miscarriage.

Give yourselves time to grieve

Miscarriage can be physically painful, but for many couples the emotional fallout can be far more overwhelming. You may feel low for some time and may find it difficult to come to terms with the loss of your baby. Don’t bottle up your feelings. Try to express how you feel to your partner or a close friend. Sometimes, talking to your GP or a bereavement counsellor can also help. Find out more about grieving for your baby.

You may need time off work to recover or extra help at home if you have other children. While you are grieving, many couples experience a range of emotions including anger (especially if they don’t know why they miscarried), envy of other women’s pregnancies and crippling sadness. All these feelings are normal. You may feel numb for a long time, and many women feel utterly desolate on their due date and subsequent anniversaries. Everyone copes differently, but time does help you to heal.

What happens to my baby? Breaking the taboo

It is difficult for people to talk about the remains of a baby after miscarriage. But many bereaved parents need to know. The Royal College of Nursing has guidelines for finding out this information. No matter how early in pregnancy a miscarriage occurs, parents should be told the options available for disposing of their baby’s remains. Parents should be asked to give written consent for this. Some hospitals will arrange a cremation or burial, or you can organise a private memorial service or blessing. For more advice, talk to your hospital midwife or PALS (Patient Advice and Liaison Service) officer, chaplain or bereavement counsellor.

Find out more about what happens to your baby after miscarriage.

Pregnant again after a miscarriage

You may wish to conceive again as soon as possible but are worried about having another miscarriage. After a miscarriage, you should have a follow-up appointment with the GP or hospital. This will allow you to discuss the best way to move forward. Some couples need time to prepare themselves emotionally and physically before trying again. When you are ready, try not to worry too much about your next pregnancy. Try to remember that most women will go on to have a normal pregnancy.

The best time to try again is a very individual decision. It should be when you and your partner feel emotionally and physically ready. If investigations are happening into the possibility of recurrent miscarriage, it’s good to wait until you have all the facts. Women with certain health problems may be prescribed medication to increase their chance of a healthy pregnancy.

Be aware that you are fertile in the first month after a miscarriage. So if you don’t want to become pregnant straight away, you should use contraception.

Find out more about trying again after a miscarriage.

Reading personal stories

If you want to hear from other people who have been through a similar experience to you, you can find personal stories of miscarriage on our Tommy's stories page.

Sources

The Royal College of Obstetricians & Gynaecologists (2011) The Investigation and treatment of couples with Recurrent First-Trimester and Second Trimester Miscarriage. Green Top Guideline No 17

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    Last reviewed on February 5th, 2020. Next review date February 5th, 2023.

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    Comments

    Please note that these comments are monitored but not answered by Tommy’s. Please call your GP or maternity unit if you have concerns about your health or your baby’s health.
    • By Karl (not verified) on 21 Jan 2020 - 18:21

      My wife and I have gone through 3 miscarriages all 9 weeks or before. This last one was approximately 2 weeks ago. They're making us go back for a scan this Thursday morning to confirm what we already know before they will refer to a recurrent miscarriage clinic which I think is disgusting, rude and hurtful. Plus we have never been offered any kind of support or counselling from the hospital at all. Why is there no kind of national policy on this?

    • By Kathryn (not verified) on 14 Jan 2020 - 10:55

      We have children already thought we would try again luckily for us it happened straight away but when my scan was due found out that our baby had stopped growing at 5-6 weeks was gutted what a shock it was to us both, went along and had a D&C as had to wait a week to see if baby had grown since last scan incase got our dates wrong, fell pregnant a month after D&C got to 6 weeks again and had a natural miscarriage again, I'm so scared of trying again just incase it will happen again, got an appointment with gynocoligist in a month to see what's happening but so wanting another one now more than I did before

    • By Hannah (not verified) on 4 Jan 2020 - 20:22

      I’m just commenting to ask about my second pregnancy this time round everything’s a little crampy and I’m very worried about the baby I’m not far on only 6weeks I lost my last baby at 7 weeks I’m terrified this happens again. I’m not sure why I’m so crampy though it’s as if It’s almost itchy in a way aswell but I really can’t explain the feeling and I’m wondering if anybody could tell me what it could be. I don’t know if it’s maybe my uterus stretching but it’s causing a bit of discomfort because of scar tissue or if I’ve gotten pregnant again far to soon after my miscarriage. Help please.

    • By M (not verified) on 10 Oct 2019 - 07:57

      I lost my baby at 9 weeks. I chose to let it go naturally and it was painful and was bleeding heavily for a day but all in all I had bleeding for 2 weeks. I really wish and pray that all women do not have to go through what some of us have to go through. It is painful because I did not find out I was having a miscarriage until I went in for a routine check up. The check up prior to that we saw the baby's first heartbeat and this is my first pregnancy.

      I feel I am ready to try for another child but I am afraid I will develop anxiety during my course of being pregnant because of this experience.

    • By [email protected] (not verified) on 3 Oct 2019 - 13:44

      Hi, I had a miscarriage on 20th September at 12week, and it all happened naturally though I had to be put on IV fluids because I was loosing myself and almost went to shock. But the heavy bleeding only lasted for a 5 hours, the spotting then continued for another 4 days and that was all. Now I am wondering if it's safe to have sex again or I should wait until my first cycle.

    • By Suzie (not verified) on 1 Oct 2019 - 23:12

      I had surgical evacuation on Friday after finding out the Friday before that our baby didn’t have a heartbeat.
      I seemed to recover from the operation quiet well (pain wise), however the past 24 hours I have suffered with terrible cramping pain (which I was told I would get after the surgery but didn’t), and now I’m passing quiet a bit of blood and clotting when I go toilet. Is this normal? Is my body just having some sort of delayed reaction to the surgery? I was sent on my merry way half an hour after coming back on the ward from the surgery, so I just assumed everything ok?
      I’m just slightly worried as I have never experienced cramping/pain like I have, or passed clots like I have been doing.
      X

    • By Midwife @Tommys on 9 Oct 2019 - 15:36

      Hi Suzie. If you're still bleeding heavily and haven't been reviewed again at hospital, please do!
      Don't leave it and continue to bleed heavily
      Take care, Tommy's Midwife

    • By Emilie (not verified) on 8 Sep 2019 - 22:20

      Hi, I miscarried two weeks ago at about 10 weeks all naturally. My foetus had stopped developing at 5 weeks. However, two weeks after the miscarriage I have just done a pregnancy test and it says that I am 1-2 weeks pregnant. Could it be my old hormones decreasing (I used to show 3+ week pregnant in the past) or could it be a new pregnancy?

    • By Jimna (not verified) on 8 Sep 2019 - 11:38

      Hi! I also had a misscarriage around 10 weeks. After scanning the doctor said there is no heart beat. And i lost the baby. It was most devastated feeling because me and my husband were trying for a baby from last two years. After my misscarriage bleeding stopped within two weeks again me and my husband tried for a baby. But suddenly it started bleedingand I dont know what is happening....its not severe bleeding...I need urgent answer

    • By Samalou06 (not verified) on 30 Aug 2019 - 16:31

      Today it is two weeks since I had my D&C due to my third loss.

      My first was in 2009 when i was 18. I had a molar pregnancy and needed a mild form of chemotherapy. Terrified for it to happen again we put off trying again for some time.

      In 2013 I found out I was pregnant again, then in 2014 gave birth to my beautiful daughter who sadly died two weeks later in a picu due to congenital heart disease. 17 months later I gave birth to my rainbow who is now three and a half ❤️

      I recently found out I was pregnant and I stupidly got over excited and sadly at 8 weeks and 3 days I found out the baby didn’t develop properly and I was given the choice of letting me miscarry naturally or for the d&c. I chose the d&c, it was an awful experience but I couldn’t have coped waiting for it to happen.

      My d&c went well they said they removed all the tissue and scanned to check ect but I lost more blood then they wanted only 250ml but have been on and off spotting now.

      I had my d&c two weeks ago today and I had a holiday booked for the Monday luckily in this country so we went and enjoyed the week as a family and it was brilliant I was always busy the weather was nice and we didn’t stop all day everyday! But this week o have been exhausted I can’t be bothered to do much and I am so tired is it normal to feel so tired? I am back at uni in my second year as a student nurse next week and don’t want this to effect my studies anyone have any tips of feeling more awake? And how to get more energy?

    • By MrsMH (not verified) on 24 Aug 2019 - 16:41

      I lost my baby at 21 weeks. Had d&c and heavy bleeding for that day only. I have been spotting ever since and thought it will stop. Today Im full 4 weeks after but still spotting. 2 days ago the spotting started to be red when I wiped but it never flows. Im worried sick and we already made an appointment for Monday. Is there something wrong. I don't have period like s/s and im waiting for my period so we can try again. We did not have sex since because of the spotting so im not pregnant.

    • By Midwife @Tommys on 28 Aug 2019 - 12:25

      Hi MrsMH
      I am sorry that you lost your baby. Bleeding can take 4-6 weeks to ease and stop after D&C, but if you are concerned that you are still bleeding, or passing unusual colour, or smell discharge, then please be seen urgently today.
      Take care of yourself, Tommy's Midwife

    • By Lily (not verified) on 4 Aug 2019 - 14:21

      Hi. I had a misccarriage last june 13 and it was successful because the tissues came out. But I am worried because on july 16 I had my first menstruation after the miscarriage and now I have a pink discharger. What does it mean? The smell is just like the usual discharge.

    • By Anonymous (not verified) on 29 Jul 2019 - 13:24

      Hi there,

      I’m so confused and do not know what to do! I was told 5 weeks ago that I have had a miscarriage! I was early, about 5/ 6weeks. I was told at the time that I could either have medical management or leave things to go naturally. I decided to go naturally. However, 1 week had passed and nothing had happened (but I was still spotting). I rung the hospital and they told me that as I was still spotting that my body is doing something, so I was told to leave it another week!

      I left it another week (2 weeks since I was told I had miscarried) I tried ringing the hospital to tell them that nothing was happening ( e.g the heavy bleeding and clots that was expected)-they then told me to go 1 more week, which I did! By this point I had stopped bleeding. When I rung the hospital they said because I had stopped bleeding and it was a small pregnancy, it seems that I could have already passed it all and to give it another week and take some pregnancy tests within the week!

      By this point it was 4 weeks since I was told I had miscarried. I took 3 pregnancy tests within that week which all came back positive. I rung the hospital again who then asked me to come in for a scan as it’s seem that some of the tissue could still be there (this was now week 5).

      I went for a scan and was told the pregnancy was still there. However, I’ve been told that although it’s very unlikely, hospital guidelines means I cannot be offered medical management until I have another scan a week later as the measurement is 6.4mm (so sorry, but I have no understanding of what this means). They have just told me that it could be a viable pregnancy, although very unlikely, and that they cannot do anything until I come back for another scan a week later.

      I am so upset and confused. 5 weeks ago I was told I had miscarried and that I could either have medical intervention there and then or go naturally! Now I’m being told that I cannot until I have another scan (although the scan shows no heartbeat or yolk and according to my dates I should be about 11 weeks).

      I have been really strong through this whole process but to be told to wait another week for another internal scan before anything can be done is really getting me down! I don’t understand how 5 weeks ago I was told I had miscarried and I can have medical management there and then to now being told that I have to wait even longer before anything can be done is very upsetting!

    • By Jo (not verified) on 13 Sep 2019 - 17:20

      Hi, I just had to reply to your post as I just wanted to check you ok now.. I’m going through similar and the pain at keep having to be told to wait. My pregnancy is now possibly eptopic and I’m being told I have to wait and see and go back after weekend . I just wanted to check you ok now as I know my emotions are all over the place so you must be similar.. hope you are being kind to yourself, sending kind positive vibes xx

    • By Hope (not verified) on 17 Sep 2019 - 11:00

      I was in the same situation but my family medicine doctor took a different approach. I was told that my 8th week baby has no heart beat at 8 weeks. My MD Did a vaginal scan and found nothing and sent me to hospital to get a second scan ASAP with the radiologist. They also perform beta -HCG test to measure my hormones levels every 24hrs the first 2 times and every week since then. The radiologist confirmed that my baby had no heart beat and my MD gave me my options and I decided to go naturally. After the 3rd week of being I started spotting and by the 3rd day, today, my baby cake through.
      I hold it in my hand and it hurts but I had my moment with my baby.
      Usually after being diagnosed with miscarriage my body didn’t react until the 3rd week. Hormones and ultrasounds with specialist are very important to check if your baby is growing or not. My hormones dropped from 7716 to 4500 in 24hrs.
      Ask a second opinion

    • By Anonymous (not verified) on 28 Jul 2019 - 20:20

      i went for my 12 week scan on 11th july, and was told my baby died at 7 weeks with the yoke enlarged, what does that actually mean? it took me 7-8 weeks to miss carry and baby to leave my body so carried my baby around died extra. thats been 3rd miscarriage all around 7 weeks pregnant. ive been referred to yourselves but scared to try again incase it happens again and ive got 2 boys already but not to same partner

    • By Kellie (not verified) on 24 Jul 2019 - 10:48

      Hi I'm new and really need to talk or get some advice or anything off anyone please help I am so upset.
      I had a miscarriage on my sons 2nd birthday I rang up in the morning and they told me I couldn't come in but go to my hospital emergency department of I needed to then later on after all party food was done around 6pm I rang and got accepted into my early pregnancy unit where I was told I would be checked out I sat waiting for an hour then I was called in to have my blood pressure done and while I was in the room she said to me we don't accept anyone usually unless they are filling up 3 pads an hour but to go and do a urine test at the point of going in I was bleeding red but not much on my pad just loads when I wiped but I complied and went to take a urine sample and as I was urinating I had dark black blood come out with some tissue I went to tell her that I didn't want to bring it out in front of everyone but she did anyways I was then left with nothing to wait. After a while I asked what was happening and she just said yes it looks like tissue and we sent it off to the lab to be tested I was again left with nothing then I was taken round to a ward to wait for a doctor when the doctor finally came to see me it was just we have booked you an appointment for Thursday to see if it's all gone and I said is that it do I not get checked out she said well we can if you want us too it was awkward and I felt as if I was wrong for coming so I said no to that as she was just sending me home with an appointment made me feel like I shouldn't of been there all the while I'm looking at a poster for miscarage awareness nonth.
      Noone said I'd actually miscarried I was left feeling numb angry and all sorts of emotions because I wanted to know if I was the only one who is treated this way.
      Not everyone has to saturate pads to know that they are miscarrying.
      I was not told of any thing to expect after while at home and the next night I lost more tissue. I am totally discussed with my hospital and the treatment or lack of I received no help for emotional support nothing.
      Please help I hardly spoke other than to ask what was happening to me and still noone would say the words you have miscarried. It was this Sunday it happened. When I first rang they said I would be checked out examined I had nothing.

    • By A.M (not verified) on 10 Jul 2019 - 09:56

      Hi Midwife @ Tommy's! How are you?! I had a miscarriage on June 13th naturally. Although I'd seen My Angel's heart beat, it was too early for us to hear it and she was measuring 1 week behind. The OB said that everything was ok, but I felt something wrong. My Angel was supposed to be 9+2, but when went back, I took all of my children and Husband and come to find out My Angel had already gone back to Heaven, there was no heart beats and my baby measured 3 weeks behind. One week later, My Angel fell out in the toilet unfortunately, after having a lot of cramps/contractions, as if I was giving birth to a full term baby. That was June 13th, my bleeding stopped after on June 18, My husband and I had unprotected intercourse on June 26, I'd spotted a quarter size of blood on July 1 and now I'm so nauseated (unlike my previous pregnancy, I had no morning sickness. Was a sign), sleeping for 5 hours a day now, my nipples is tingling, I'm tasting metal in the morning, I'm weeing constantly, etc ...but I'd took a pregnancy test yesterday and it was negative. I am so confused. I don't know when I'm supposed to test. Maybe I'd just want another Angel, maybe My Angel will come back! Please tell me, when am I supposed to take my test because I don't know when my last period was. Was it the day I spotted or was that implantation? I've been cramping every single day w/headaches. Shouldn't I be due for a period already? I don't know what to think. Please help. Sorry so long. Thank You So Very Much, Midwife For Taking The Time To Care About Us!!!! GOD BLESS YOU!!!

    • By Anonymous (not verified) on 4 Jul 2019 - 09:06

      Me and my husband have misscarried five babies im not at a good place at the moment I'm 30 and trying to lose more weight for IVF but its difficult with PCOS. I can get pregnant but my husband had cancer when he was a teenager so we will probably need IVF. I'm just scared that nothings going to work I'm scared that I going to let him down again even though he says he loves me no matter what happens. The hospital say if i get pregnant they can do some tests on me and my hormones but i don't know if i can mentally deal with losing another baby. I want a family so bad and my husband does too but he don't really talk about it because he knows it will upset me.

    • By Victoria (not verified) on 28 Jun 2019 - 15:02

      Hi, I had a miscarriage at 7 weeks 4 weeks ago and the bleeding only stopped a week ago. I’m just confused as to when to expect a period, every where and everyone says 4-6 weeks after the miscarriage but does that mean 4-6 weeks after the bleeding has stopped or 4-6 weeks from the first day the miscarriage happened?

    • By Hannah (not verified) on 20 Aug 2019 - 18:40

      Hello

      I had my miscarriage 2 weeks ago..the bleeding stopped about 4 days ago and iv now started to bleed again. Cant work out if this is a period or not as like you everywhere says 4-6 weeks. Before i realised that there was any bleeding i did think that i felt ‘periody’ so very unsure what to think

    • By Banan (not verified) on 26 Aug 2019 - 01:44

      I had the same issue
      Did you get any reply
      As am keen to try for baby again ASAP but my husband lives abroad so I must time it and travel to him

    • By Anonymous (not verified) on 16 Jun 2019 - 21:12

      I have just found out I’m pregnant, 6 months after a miscarriage. Of course, we’re very lucky but I’m absolutely petrified. Im so terrified that I can’t tell my husband, or anyone. I desperately need to have another baby to fill this gaping hole left in my life, but I just can’t feel happy...

    • By Rebecca (not verified) on 4 May 2019 - 21:55

      We lost our baby 2 days ago after a heavy bleed,so went in for a scan no baby, early miscarriage at 6 weeks, no leaflets or after care advice. Just it happens we have the next appointment due now, sat in next room hearing the next woman being told her baby was gone too. In same speech, the experience felt unreal like not happening to me, cant be happening to me as last week I am planning the baby.. naming him.. picking nursery colours.. birth plan..now hes gone. All I want to do it sleep as the pain stops when I sleep... My partner looks at me and I can't help thinking he's blaming me for not carrying our baby more safely or protecting him like a mother should have. After all I was carrying him it's my job and I failed.

    • By sally (not verified) on 22 Jan 2019 - 10:20

      My husband and I are desperate to be parents and both approaching 40 we fear time isn't on our side. I'm currently going through our 3rd miscarriage and feel completely broken. People keep trying to say that it will happen and stay positive but I cannot listen to these words at the moment, I feel so angry and overwhelmed with sadness and grief. I really can't get past the feeling that we'll never be able to have children, the last 2 times I have been able to get back to work quite quickly but this time I can't bring myself to go outside or see anybody, I break down in tears regularly and I'm having moments of absolute panic where I can't catch my breath. In one instance I want to see a specialist as soon as possible, have tests and see if there is a reason and in another sense I want to forget all about it and not try again as I don't know if I can go through this pain anymore. Friends and family have distanced themselves as children have come easily to a lot of them and I guess they don't know what to say, they don't acknowledge our loss which hurts even more and just makes me angry. Thank you for listening.

    • By Midwife @Tommys on 29 Jan 2019 - 11:07

      Hi Sally. I am so sorry to hear what a difficult time you have been going through. If you live in the U.K and wish to be referred to one of our Tommy's Miscarriage clinics, you can get in touch with us ([email protected]) where we can send you information about how to get referred and the tests offered. You can also find all of the same information on the link below - https://www.tommys.org/our-organisation/help-and-support/clinical-trials
      If you feel you need some emotional support, your GP can also refer you and your husband for some bereavement counselling. Many couples find this useful after experiencing multiple pregnancy loss. If you ever need to talk, please do feel free to call our helpline. We are here Mon to Fri, 9 an to 5pm. Thinking of you. Tommy's Midwife

    • By Izabela (not verified) on 6 Jul 2019 - 22:49

      Hi Sally, I am so sorry for your losses. I had to have an abortion three months ago because our baby had the limb body wall complex, and I miscarried our second pregnancy just two days ago. I feel your pain about friends and family distancing themselves, you are not alone. I hope you are well and sending you and your family much love.

    • By Kendra (not verified) on 21 Jul 2019 - 16:25

      Im soooo sorry in 2013 from limb body wall defect idk how then a couple days ago. I lost the baby at. 10 weeks. I will never forget my babies

    • By LL (not verified) on 10 Jul 2019 - 21:58

      Hi Sally, my husband and I are in a very similar position (approaching 40, have been trying for years and years, 1 ectopic pregnancy, 1 miscarriage). I completely understand what you’re saying and share your feelings. I also have lots of friends who became pregnant easily and lots people telling me to stay positive. I have people telling me to hurry up as I’m not getting any younger (which is particularly painful). I am trying to suppress this panic that it may not happen and that my time is running out. I want a baby so badly but I also dread the potential heartbreak of another miscarriage. I don’t have any solutions but just wanted you to know that you’re not alone. Your feelings are real. We will push forward with whatever the right next step is for each of us. And whatever happens, there are other women who have been and others that will be (unfortunately) in our shoes and we will all be ok. Hug your partner tight and take extra care of each other. Sending you lots of love xx

    • By Laura (not verified) on 17 Jan 2019 - 19:18

      My husband and I have been trying to conceive for the last 6 months and on the 3rd Jan we found out we were expecting. We were over the moon and so excited. Our happiness was soon disrupted 7th Jan when I started to bleed. I called my GP and he referred me to the local EPU. My dates suggested in was approx 6 weeks along. When I was scanned there was nothing there- the doctor suggested that I may be earlier along than I thought and did a blood test which confirmed my pregnancy however the levels were very low. I had to go back two days later and the levels were even lower. The nurse called to confirm I was miscarrying. I am beyond devastated, my husband and close friends have been a great support but I'm inconsolable. I went straight back into work the day after we found out and I'm finding it so hard to pretend I'm ok when I just want to cry. I feel totally unjustified in my greif as I wasn't that far along yet I can't pull myself together.

    • By Midwife @Tommys on 18 Jan 2019 - 13:29

      Dear Laura,
      I am so sorry to hear about your miscarriage, such a devastating time for you both. It is so raw at the moment, it maybe that you need some time off work to recover.
      If we can support you or you just want a chat then please do be in touch, you can email us [email protected] x

    • By Anonymous (not verified) on 13 Oct 2018 - 19:03

      I miscarried naturally 4 weeks ago i was 13 weeks along but baby had stopped growing at 8 weeks ao it took 5 weeks for my levels to drop enogh for the process to start. I was in hospital and they had to intervene with no anesthetic due to the speed things happened and a few issues which was very traumatic . I have started to spot again today and I don't know if this is my period as I only stopped bleeding a week ago from the miscarriage? I also haven't had any check ups since I lost my baby, should I have had?

    • By Midwife @Tommys on 22 Oct 2018 - 12:34

      This is usual practice in many hospitals. If you are still bleeding after 6 weeks your GP would refer you for a follow-up scan. Hopefully, the bleeding will settle down now and the new bleed may be your period. If you continue to have irregular bleeding or spotting, please arrange to see your GP for advice.

    • By Anonymous (not verified) on 8 Aug 2018 - 16:41

      Today I have found out that again my baby stopped developing. This is the 4th missed miscarriage I have had. I am booked in tomorrow for the surgical removal but I feel numb and don’t know what to do with myself. I just wish someone could tell me why this is happening to me.

    • By Midwife @Tommys on 13 Aug 2018 - 09:42

      We are so sorry to hear this and send our condolences. Once you feel strong enough please arrange to see your GP who should be able to refer you for some tests. If this isn't possible you are welcome to call us on 0800 0147 800 and we will try to put you in touch with a consultant who can advise. Best wishes from Tommy's midwives

    • By Lydia Kendall (not verified) on 25 Jun 2018 - 19:49

      Hi,
      We have been trying to conceive for 26 months. We conceived last June and lost it at 5+2 and have just conceived again and lost it at the exact same time.
      I've had tests done on my fallopian tubes and have a hyposalpinx on the right side, but everything else is apparently normal. We are devastated and want answers. I can't believe we have to go through all of this another time just to find out if anything else is wrong... I'm so confused and I don't understand what's happening. Is it my fallopian tube? My GP said it wouldn't cause any problems. We feel so terrified of getting pregnant again because what if this happens again? At the exact same point... This must be a sign of something?

    • By Midwife @Tommys on 27 Jun 2018 - 13:42

      Hi Lydia,
      I can only imagine how hard life must be for you and your partner right now. To lose two babies at the same gestation is heartbreaking. You are not alone in feeling utterly terrified at the prospect of trying again as many couples feel they will not survive another miscarriage.
      We have a digital book of miscarriage at Tommy's and the miscarriage association also have wonderful support including a forum which can be accessed 24 hours.
      I don't want to comment any further until I am sure about your fallopian tube. Have you been diagnosed with a hyposalpinx or hydrosalpinx Rt tube?
      Please do get in contact with us even if it is just to chat we want to be here to support you at this very difficult time in your life.
      Warm wishes
      Anna-Tommy's Midwife

    • By Hol (not verified) on 23 Jun 2018 - 00:04

      I found out at a 12 week scan there was no heart beat and baby died at 10 weeks. I have to wait 5 days for the surgery. I know my husband is grieving and is rubbish with emotions but I feel unsupported and lonely. He is stressed at work and went back to work emails all afternoon after our news. He told me initially the day of the op would not really work for him at work. I convinced him he needed to be there. He said he’d work all the days up to the op and come with me. I feel he needs the time off to grieve and also I’d like to grieve with him and not be alone. But he’s treating work like it’s more important than us/me. I am sleeping on the sofa tonight because he was in a huff that I was tossing and turning and crying. Feel completely alone. I was already being treated for depression and anxiety before this happened due to other health reasons beyond my control and I know this is going to put me back in a very dark place. I wish someone could shake my husband and tell him what’s reasonable at this time.

    • By Midwife @Tommys on 25 Jun 2018 - 14:41

      This is such a difficult time for you both. We must remember that each of us grieves in a different way and there is no 'best practice' for grief. Try to talk to a third person to help you, someone who can be there for you. Or call us on 0800 0147 800 for support. We send our best wishes to you both and hope that you will find a way through these difficult days.

    • By Joanna (not verified) on 28 May 2018 - 20:16

      I found out on Tuesday that I had a missed miscarriage. Our baby was only 6 weeks in size. It should have been 10 weeks +6. There was no heartbeat. I chose smm but the appointment wasn't till Friday. On Wednesday I awoke to alot of pain and passed most of it naturally later that day. I had a scan on Friday to see if I still needed the procedure. Unfortunately not everything had passed. I had the smm and returned home later that day. I am struggling to cope with the grief. I barely slept at all last night. I feel so broken. I just want to be pregnant again. How can I cope with everyday life? Nothing feels important anymore. Nothing matters.

    • By Midwife @Tommys on 29 May 2018 - 15:26

      Hi Joanna
      I am so sorry to hear what you've been through. I hope that you are well supported by your partner and family in your grief. At the moment, everything is still very raw and difficult - and it is very important that you are kind to yourself at this time. Make sure you eat and drink your favorite things, watch your favorite shows and take some time out for yourself doing your favorite things. You'll need space to process your thoughts and emotions.You did not do anything wrong or cause the miscarriage- it's important that you are told that as many women feel guilty, as if they have somehow caused it. If you feel that you need to chat, then please feel free to call us on 0800 0147800, we are here Mon to Fri ,9 am to 5pm.
      Thinking of you at this time
      Sophie,Tommy's Midwife

    • By Ipshita (not verified) on 10 May 2018 - 08:48

      Hi
      I lost my baby girl at 22nd weak.
      It was a premature delivery.
      I m completely devastated. When should I try again as I want to conceive as soon as possible, i had a history of pcod and thyroid also

    • By Midwife @Tommys on 10 May 2018 - 12:38

      Hi Ipshita
      I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your daughter at 22 weeks. I know that you must be going through a lot of turmoil and grief. I think it would be beneficial for you if you called us for a chat on 0800 0147800 so that we can get more information from you and help you to understand how you may be able to proceed with another pregnancy. You can also email us on [email protected]
      We look forward to hearing from you
      Sophie,Tommy's Midwife

    • By Sarah (not verified) on 6 May 2018 - 23:03

      I found out I was pregnant last September. I was over the moon I had pcos and had been on contraception for years. One day at work I had some mild cramps didn’t think the worst because I didn’t want to over react. The next day I went to the EPU and was told there was no heartbeat but the nurse said I could simply be earlier than we thought. Two weeks later after a repeat scan it was confirmed I had miscarried. I decided on the medically managed option as I thought it would be over quicker than naturally. The procedure itself went well. I had some heavy bleeding for about 12 hours and then was fine. Two days after I started to bleed really heavily. So much so I ended up in a&e. The doctor told me that I hadn’t passed any of the conception matter and that he would need to remove it all there and then before I bled out. I was at hospital on my own. My partner had to stay at home with his children. I had to go through the hardest thing I have ever been through on my own and scared. After the procedure I instantly felt better physically. Fast forward 6 months, me and my partner split up, I’m back living with my parents and I’m not coping very well. I didn’t get any counselling after and now I’m going through the grieving process again. In between all of this I had another early miscarriage. I don’t know where to begin in getting help.

    • By Midwife @Tommys on 10 May 2018 - 12:42

      Hi Sarah
      I really think that you would benefit from calling us and having a chat. We can talk you through lots of ways that you can get help and support. We will also be able to give you advice in a more private way than a public page on the internet. You can contact us on 0800 0147800 or email us on [email protected]
      You have been through such a lot and it's time that you focused on your own physical and mental health, to help make you feel better an be able to process you experience.
      We look forward to hearing from you
      Sophie,Tommy's Midwife

    • By Leona (not verified) on 25 Apr 2018 - 23:16

      Hi.We have been told we lost our baby at 12 weeks scan-no heart beat.It was the size of 8 which is scary in a way staying in me for 4 weeks.We didnt expect it and it was so painfull.
      I am so scared to try again.What advices would you give for next pregnancy because I am thinking what I did wrong this time.
      We had sex once in a week and I think this might be an issue.I was wearing tight jeans and thinking if this was the ptoblem.I was walking to work 30 min every day or because of the heavy bags after shopping.Every single possible reason is playing in my mind and dont leave me alone.Or the Veet I used for taking my hairs off
      I dont smoke,used to drink only 1 glass of wine before I realised Im pregnant.I tried to do everything right and dont know what the problem was.

    • By Midwife @Tommys on 27 Apr 2018 - 10:24

      Hi - Thank you for your message.
      I am so sorry to hear of your pregnancy loss - I hope you have been well looked after and good supportive care.
      Miscarriages are sadly more common than most people realize - up to 1 in 4 women will experience a miscarriage in their lifetime. This doesn't make your loss any easier or less painful - but may provide some solace that you are not alone.
      The causes of miscarriage are still largely unknown - Many women and couples who have had, or are experiencing a miscarriage, worry that they may somehow have caused it to happen. There are many common concerns which simply aren’t linked to miscarriage at all such as:
      Your emotional state, such as stress or depression
      Having a shock or fright
      Exercise (but do consult your GP or midwife about how much exercise is suitable)
      Lifting or straining
      Working, even if it involves sitting or standing for long periods
      Having sex
      Travelling by air
      Eating spicy food
      None of these factors have any known link to miscarriage - so please be gentle on yourself.
      If you would like to talk to someone about your concerns or for any support please call us on the Pregnancyline 08000147800 or email us on [email protected]
      You may also find our Miscarriage information and support pages helpful:
      https://www.tommys.org/pregnancy-information/pregnancy-complications/pregnancy-loss/miscarriage-information-and-support

    • By Jennifer (not verified) on 18 Apr 2018 - 22:59

      Hi,
      I need some advice as I am worried sick, I found out my baby had no heartbeat on 4th February after I had started to bleed on what should have been a few days before my 2e week scan, we were devastated.
      I decided to let it go naturally but this failed after waiting 2 weeks, I then went down medical management but this also failed and I was rushed in for an emergency d&c. It was very traumatic and I suffered panic attacks. It's been over 7 weeks and apart from 2-3 days of spotting about 5 days ago there's been no period. I thought it was coming but it tailed off. Lots of negative pregnancy tests too I just don't know ow what is wrong with me! Terrified there is and I'll never be able to get pregnant.

    • By Midwife @Tommys on 19 Apr 2018 - 16:20

      Hi Jennifer,

      We are so sorry to hear about your loss and can't begin to imagine what you and your family have been going through over these past weeks. It can be normal to bleed for a few weeks after a D and C, then you have this agonising time of waiting for that first period. Everyone if different and some women wait longer then others, but this doesn't mean that there is a problem, your body needs to heal both physical and mentally and this can take some time. If your period has not return within the next week then you can always go and see your GP who will be able to give you further advice. Keep positive and feel reassured that this can be normal after what you have been through. Take Care, Tommy's Midwives x

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