Why supportive relationships matter in pregnancy
Pregnancy hormones can make you feel a mix of emotional highs and lows, which can make many women feel more vulnerable or anxious. Some may also have trouble coping with their symptoms or even have complications during their pregnancy, which can cause extra stress.
From couple to parents
It’s quite normal for couples to argue, even if you’re in a healthy relationship. Sometimes this has nothing to do with pregnancy. But there are some common reasons why you may argue when you’re pregnant. These include:
- you feel your partner is less interested in the pregnancy than you are
- the baby doesn’t seem real to you or your partner
- you feel your partner is being too protective of you
- you are both stressed about money
- one of you wants to have sex but the other doesn’t
- you are feeling sick, tired and moody
- you are both anxious about being parents
- you are worried your partner won’t find your changing body attractive.
“I felt sick all day, every day during my pregnancy, which didn’t really get better until I was about 6 months along. I didn’t feel good physically and was also really upset that I wasn’t enjoying my pregnancy. This made me really stressed and irritable, which affected my relationship with my husband for a while.”
Making the change from being a couple to being parents isn’t easy. You’re probably thinking about how it will change your life and your relationship with each other.
It’s a good idea to talk to each other about your feelings and any anxieties you have about the future, including:
- your hopes
- your fears
- your expectations about life with your baby
- what kind of parents you want to be
- how you can support each other.
You may also find it helpful to:
- have an open and honest chat about how you’re both feeling. Take turns to listen to each other
- try not to be accusing or too negative, instead think about practical things you could both do to make things better
- try to understand things from your partner’s point of view as well as your own
- make a wellbeing plan to make sense of your feelings and help you talk them through with your partner.
Talking about how you feel won’t always stop you arguing. But it may make you feel better prepared for the changes ahead and reassure you that you are in a strong, healthy and loving relationship.
Sorting out relationship problems
Sometimes problems in a relationship can become overwhelming. Some people may feel like they are dealing with everything on their own and so feel isolated or resentful. Other couples may try to talk through their problems but still can’t find a way to sort things out.
If you are feeling unhappy you may want to try relationship advice or counselling. This gives you a chance to talk about your worries together in a safe and confidential place with a trained counsellor. You can also talk to a counsellor about your relationship on your own if you want.
- get relationship advice and support from the Couple Connection
- get information about couple’s counselling at Relate. They also offers a live web chat service where you can talk to a relationship or family counsellor for up to 30 minutes for free.
- find a private counsellor in your area though the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP).
If you split up
Unfortunately, some couples split up when they are expecting a baby. This can be a very difficult time for both of you but there is support available.
The charity Gingerbread supports single parent mums and dads by providing information about things like:
- financial support
- managing money
- you and your child’s wellbeing.
Domestic violence can be physical, sexual, emotional, psychological or financial. One in four women experiences domestic abuse or domestic violence at some point in their lives.
Some abuse starts when women become pregnant. Other times the abuse gets worse during or after pregnancy.
Domestic violence or abuse can cause emotional and mental health problems, including stress and anxiety. It also puts you and your unborn child at risk.
It may be very difficult to recognise or admit what is happening. Remember that domestic violence or abuse can happen to anyone and you are not alone.
There are professionals you can talk to if you are thinking about having a family but are being abused. Nobody will judge you or tell you what to do, it’s just important that you get support (listed below).
If you’re not comfortable talking to someone face-to-face, you can call the Women’s Aid 24-hour domestic violence helpline on 0808 2000 247. They will give you confidential advice and support.
Remember that anything you say to your midwife or doctor is in confidence. That means they can't tell anyone else without your permission.
You can tell your midwife or doctor if you are experiencing domestic abuse. They may be able to help you and, if not, they can advise you where to go for help.
NHS Choices. Domestic abuse in pregnancy https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/pregnancy-and-baby/domestic-abuse-pregnant/ (Page last reviewed: 17/03/2018. Next review due: 17/03/2021)Hide details
ℹLast reviewed on October 12th, 2018. Next review date October 12th, 2021.
By Patrice (not verified) on 19 Jun 2019 - 17:43
I've been with my partner for 5 years. We have a 10 month old son and baby girl on the way. He's been very distant towards me since I've been pregnant with the second baby. I try to tell him that he worries me by staying out late and drinking to he passes out. I asked him does he wants to leave and co parent...he says no but his behavior tells me otherwise. I'm just fed up with him and ready to call it quits.
By Katie (not verified) on 9 Jun 2019 - 09:33
I’ve been with my boyfriend for 2 years and our relationship is wonderful, we both love each very much.
I always expressed my wishes for wanting to start a family together; he says he’s not ready or financially stable.
Last year when I thought I was pregnant; he told me to abort, he wouldn’t even consider the thought of keep it; we argued a lot and he drank heavily. Turn out to only be a scare.
This year I tried to talk to him about starting a family but he said he rather break up then us try for a baby.
So I told him I didn’t want to lose and that I wouldn’t mention it again.
So I decided to get pregnant without his permission; because I’m not wasting time; trying to find a new partner; that could be worse than him and going through the same situation as men are selfish bastards; who are never ready to give their selfish ways,
I’m prepared for him not being involved as my family are supportive and my mum said said if he doesn’t stick around; she will help raise the child as she raised I helped raise 5 children together as my father was a good for nothing selfish abusive human. So I know that’s a struggle and how much you have to give in order for a child’s happiness and I’m ready for that commitment with or with him.
As I rather raise my child alone with my family than be stuck into a unhappy situation and see my child suffering everyday. I truly love children and I’ve always wanted to have my own family.
My first pregnancy ; I was with my boyfriend for a year when I was 16 and I wanted to break up; so we did. He told to come watch a movie as friends; when I come over; he encouraged me to take drugs and get high; he then raped me in the bath, I woke the next day and had no recollection of what had happened.
I continued partying and taking drugs unaware of my pregnancy. Until one of my friends told me I looked pregnant.
I went to the doctor and I was 4 months! I knew I didn’t want a family with him as I would be stuck with him forever as he was would regularly punch me and kick to floor.
So I decided to end it and I did.
I don’t regret and it was bad timing, wrong partner and the amount of drugs I had taken I didn’t want enflict a disability on my child.
My 2nd pregnancy was with my boyfriend of 5 years; We both wanted children so we started trying and straight I was pregnant but didn’t know I was because I kept getting false readings on the rest so I ignore it til the morning sickness started. I went the doctor and he told me I was 3 months.
And I should have come in sooner.
Everything was fine and we went for the 20 week scan and found out I was carrying non identical twins; a boy and a girl. We was so happy til a few days later when I went into preterm labour and had a miscarriage at 5 months.
It was the most devastating thing in my life; We found out that I had caught an infection from our cat and there nothing we could have done to prevent the miscarriage; we tried to get through it but we became distant and then we broke up.
The point I’m trying to make is; pregnant can happen at anytime of a women’s life weather she expects or not; it’s about your decision to commit to the child; if the father doesn’t want to know; then it’s best to either manage on your own or find a new partner; don’t put up with abuse cause you only get used to more abuse and wasting your time being miserable.
Asking yourself would you put up with that kinda treatment if you weren’t expecting a child/ had child with his monster of a man? No.. way!
It’s hard I know but when someone doesn’t show you love; don’t try harder; give up and find a man that can love you and adopt your child as his own because then adleast the odds of being happy are in your favour.
I watched my mum struggling and severely abused by my father for 20 years and I wish she had taken us away from him and left him but she’s didn’t. Now she’s a shell of a person and completely mentally broken.
I urge any women reading this to empower yourself by removing yourself from an unhappy abusive situation, find a safe place; move house; move town, change your number; build your strength and confidence and find a man willing to commit and accept you a unit.
What hurts more than tears is wasted years!
Please get help; don’t suffer like this; my heart goes out to every women who’s going through abuse; Get out before it’s too late.
By China (not verified) on 21 Jun 2019 - 01:05
Great advice to all the women who are going through situations like these or similar ones. I'm sorry you had to go through all of that and your mom. God Bless You.
By Marissa (not verified) on 3 Jun 2019 - 18:26
I have been with my partner for three full years moved out everything. I never knew I could get pregnant as I had several harmonial problems.,. One day I took a test as I missed my period for five weeks, on some cycles this was normal. Test came positive and things have just been upside down since then. My partner is all about money. All he wants to do is buy a house so a day to day relationship enjoyments and dates are never there. I’m 7 weeks pregnant and we decided to tell my parents, he behaved so badly and Rudely to them and me and just walked out. I’m at the cross roads when I may have to raise this child alone or just end all this now so that my baby does not have to go through any of this pain. Any advise
By Joanna Brands (not verified) on 26 Jun 2019 - 11:03
If you do whats right and go with your heart then all will work out dont base your decision off of fear <3
By LittleMiss (not verified) on 31 May 2019 - 09:10
Im currently 16 weeks pregnant, this wasnt a planned pregnancy so was a shock. When we found out i was 6 weeks gone and me and my partner had only been together 2 months. Before the pregnancy the relationship was okay, it wasnt perfect but we was happy. As this pregnancy progressed i found myself tired all the time, constantly feeling sick and just wanting to shut everyone out. We live quite far from each other and was only seeing each other once a week. Somedays i could do without contact with him cause even the thought of going onto the phone made me feel really ill which frustrated him. Eventually we had argued about the same thing so much i felt like i was drowning and had to call it a day, this was around 3 weeks ago. A week after the split he went out on a date and is still now in contact with this girl. I thought id lost some feelings for him but now im unsure, im really upset and angry over the date and just want to reach out to him but i know if i try it makes things harder for him. He told me he loved me but i hadnt got that far feelings wise so was frustrated i couldn't return the feelings. The only contact we have is text as hes blocked me on everything. I understand i made him feel alone and wasnt there when he needed me but i felt like i couldnt keep my head above water and couldn't be there like he wanted. Now all the tiredness and nausea has passed im just constantly upset. I find myself checking my phone hoping hes messaged and then disappointed when he hasnt. I dont want to tell him exactly whats going on as im scared id just be leading him on if this is a want what you cant have. His family feel like ive used him to get pregnant and to claim off him. I dont know what todo anymore and im so scared of whats to come. We've tried clearing the air and hes said i can text if i ever need a chat but I'm scared of causing him more upset. How can you tell if this is a want what you cant have or if i do still have feelings for him? When i saw him last i felt so calm and relaxed even though we wasnt properly on speaking terms and i was feeling okay once i left for a few hours but cause i didnt hear off him ive been upset since. Is this normal with pregnancy hormones? Im all new to this and have nowhere or anyone to turn to.
By Eamon (not verified) on 10 Jun 2019 - 05:38
The only way to know whether or not you care for him is to have an honest and open relationship with him. You need to talk to him about your feelings and try to work things out. If he can't handle it, then at least you know that A.) You did everything you could to make it work and B.) He simply wasn't mature enough to handle a real relationship anyway. Because that's what a real relationship is. It's having messy, complicated feelings and having life throw struggles at you all the time and being brave enough and close enough to always be honest with each other and help each other through it all.
By Jonathan (not verified) on 17 Jun 2019 - 08:32
I've learned my girlfriend was pregnant we ended up breaking up because she felt overwhelmed by everything I try to be there for her but she gets mad and brings back the things I've done wrong I'm thinking i should stop trying I told if she needs anything she could contact me I believe your ex might be feeling the same way and telling him that you need help and telling the truth about your worries would be for the best because I think that's what he was waiting for
By Akrreeteee (not verified) on 28 May 2019 - 08:23
My husband abuses verbally...Hence I get so angry I just punch lightly is to my 25weeks pregnancy tummy...Is it too dangerous for baby?? Is my baby safe? I am very worried about my baby because I had been in stress because of him for past 3-4 months...He abuses me by saying baseless things & he always disturb my sleep by chattering near my ear...
By Lisa (not verified) on 3 Jun 2019 - 03:55
You need to leave you dont need someone around you or your baby think of you and your well being you dont want to ever have your child in a situation where he or she ever feels scared bc the safety of mommy is in jeopardy please leave go to your family
By Eamon (not verified) on 10 Jun 2019 - 05:32
Yes, that's very dangerous because you are tip-toeing down the road towards being an abusive mother as a way of dealing with your anger, sadness, and resentment towards your abusive partner. You need to leave him and find a therapist and a support group for yourself. If you find that you can't stop yourself from taking your anger out on your child then you need to find your child a safe home. Justifying small abuses will lead you down a dark and dangerous path.
By Pandafox (not verified) on 1 Jul 2019 - 10:22
Your post made me so sad :( Yes that is dangerous! As a previous reply said, this is going in the direction of being an abusive mother, please leave your partner and seek help for yours and your baby's sake as this is not a normal reaction and not your baby's fault!
By Mercy (not verified) on 26 May 2019 - 19:18
I have a 19months old and I'm nearly 30 weeks pregnant, when I was 7 weeks pregnant with my son 2years ago I was told by doctors to take it easy because they suspected I might have had a twin pregnancy and lost one, so my husband told me to stop working of which I did and then when my son was born and when he was about 9months o started looking for a job and I couldn't find.... Since the my husband and his family they been on neck over the issue, so this year I found out I was pregnant again and I got a job at the same time the job requires me to stand a lot, still his not happy , now I need help with my other son coz I get pains and sometimes I lose strength, he does help anymore all he cares about is his work. He also don't tell the truth to his family about. I'm at a point where I feel like I leave on my own, even when I'm not feeling well he expects me to do all the house chores.... Right now I'm so stressed and I have headaches all the time. I don't what do
By Marie (not verified) on 17 May 2019 - 02:53
I am having a very tough time right now emotionally and mentally. I have been with my boyfriend for a while now and I am 7 months pregnant. He already has 8 children but this is my first. We talked about having kids together but I didn't think it would happen. I have tried to get pregnant before. I've always wanted to be a mom and have a family. He was kind of excited about it when I found out at 9.5 weeks but his interest had just depleted over the months. He doesn't work and keeps saying he will do anything to help me take care of our baby but he wants to act like a teenage boy playing video games all day and sleep all day and then be out all night. I've been trying to hard to express my concerns and worries and my feelings to him but he never says anything back. Now he is saying that he doesn't know if he wants to be with me. I don't know what changed because I've only been trying even harder to make things good. What do I do?
By Holly (not verified) on 6 Jun 2019 - 14:18
He hasn't changed my love but shown his true colours. He already has 8 children with either one or multiple mother's. I know this is harsh but a leopard doesn't change his spots. Why did you think you getting pregnant would mean his behaviour would change when he has 8 children with other women ? There's a reason he isn't with the other mums. Probably because he's a lazy, layabout who hasn't grown up. My advice if you were my friend - kick him to the curb, leave and make a life for you and that baby. Be independent and strong and move on and next time you invite a man into your life be more choosy and look more carefully at his past behaviour and relationships.
Please move on and find happiness with you and your baby and when your ready with someone who is a mature grown up who will treat you and the baby with respect
By Anonymous (not verified) on 14 May 2019 - 17:48
Am married and pregnant ,am almost due now,since my 6 mths my hubby has change a lot,he doesn't care like before he chat all through the night when he comes back from work,even when I try to talk to him abt it ,he gets angry ,he stopped touching me for like 3 months now,I just found out that he has been chatting my second in the office and I can't take it anymore,
By Jasmine (not verified) on 13 May 2019 - 22:46
Hi. I used to stay with my BF now ex, we have a 10months old baby and I last saw him when I was 5 months pregnant. He has blocked me everywhere , he just transfers money monthly into my bank account. I can't get hold of him in case of an emergency, only he can contact me and that's like once in 4 months. I am feeling suicidal.
By Midwife @Tommys on 17 May 2019 - 16:54
I am so sorry to hear what you are going through. Please do talk with your GP or midwife for support with how you are feeling.
By Sanele (not verified) on 1 Jun 2019 - 15:02
Please be strong for u and the little one
By Claire (not verified) on 2 Jun 2019 - 18:56
Hi jasmine, i want you to know your not slone im 6 months pregnant and recently my partner left he was verbally abusive and totally unavalible. I have two children and this ons on way. My ex doesnt bother unless hes drunk and i dont get any financial support now. I too felt totally suicidal and very abandoned and worthless. Its very difficult to process all these emotions but what i keep telling myself is hes the worthless one not me and that if i keep trying things will get better. I really hope your doing ok im semding u all our love x
By Ngcina (not verified) on 13 May 2019 - 14:24
we where happy in love we find out we pregnant she started to act funny we went for first scan the second one she didn't even consider telling me today she was speaking on the phone with someone she need to see a doctor but she don't let me know anything
By Kay (not verified) on 6 May 2019 - 03:58
I'm almost 4 months pregnant,,my baby daddy is very supportive and caring but since we found out I was pregnant,,he has no sexual feeling for me and it was never like that before,I just want to know if that's normal.
By Dimakatso Leballo (not verified) on 5 May 2019 - 19:58
Hi, im 29 years old. Just started working as a
By Zeeshan Khan (not verified) on 3 May 2019 - 09:59
I got arranged marriage 6 month ago
She is sick & lazy all the time and she mostly use bacterial medicine & Injection. she's like a child and she doesn't know about anything
Her mom create many problems.
She don't care about my expectation. i am tried
Please tell me what should i do??
By Jenna (not verified) on 2 May 2019 - 15:19
I need advice, I’m 37 weeks pregnant, been with my partner 2 years, me and my boyfriend have moved into my mums so it’s easier for money and things when the baby comes, but he doesn’t seem to care, ever since my pregnancy he’s been moaning about money, yet The only thing he’s paid for is the buggy, he goes out all the time and don’t come home until 2/3am he moans at me that the washing isn’t done on a daily basis, and he just leaves a trial of mess behind him, Iv spoken to him countless times but he shuts me down, he doesn’t wanna spend anytime with me and when he does he acts like it’s a choir and spends the whole time on his phone or he will go upstairs and ‘sleep’ I don’t know what to do :(
By Excited baby mama (not verified) on 2 May 2019 - 03:08
My husband and I don’t always see eye to eye and communication has always been a challenge. 5 months pregnant he won’t talk or think about anything other than his job and ability to make money. He refuses to talk about anything that I may be going thru emotionally and has a physically uncomfortable reaction similar to that of a 13 year old being asked to clean his room by his mom (I clean our room) if I open my mouth of anything other than talking about his job and his interactions with his coworkers etc. He won’t even acknowledge the wisdom can provide or fact that I’ve been the bread winner and bill payer over the past 10 years and with that came the task of continuing to nurture our relationship into the marriage it has turned into today. I still fully plan to go back to work FT after baby as I love my career and my paycheck still will pay the bills whether he makes bonus or not. He is all I have no family nearby and friends are few between. I need emotional support during this time more than ever and he refuses to try to understand. I am only stressed out by him. He is so nasty to me whenever I open my mouth. Won’t read up on baby and when I tell him what I want for baby (ie stroller selection, bib selection) he automatically shuts me down and tells me I’m stupid and can’t make decisions. I know we need counseling. I just do not know how to get him there. He’s emotionally aggressive and gets defensive starting to throw nasty threats whenever we try to sit and talk about each other’s emotions. Please help?
By Sydney (not verified) on 1 May 2019 - 21:41
My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years. I have known him since we were 6 years old. When our relationship first started, maybe about 6 months into it, I found out he was talking to multiple different girls, a week later, I found out I was pregnant. We both thought it was best to terminate the pregnancy considering the situation we were in. We ended up staying together and things have been okay up until 2 months ago. We have been arguing over stupid things but he takes it much too far, calling me names like slut, lunatic, retard, bitch, manipulative, crazy. When all I try to so is tell him my feelings and ask him how he feels and all he comes back with saying is just insults. I never call him names or raise my voice at him. Last month it got worse, I have had bruises on my legs and arms from grabbing my skin during anxiety attacks, I grabbed myself so hard it bruised my skin. He saw the Mark's and immediately thought it was from someone else, forced my neck down telling me to look at the bruising, pinching the back of it so hard I couldn't even look down. He later apologized 20 minutes later. I'm 5 weeks and just told him about the news this morning, I'm pregnant. He immediately said it was all my fault, saying I dont take my contraceptive correctly and hes now tied to a ball and chain. He than blew up saying "out of all the guys you've slept with, why havent you gotten pregnant before, you've had so many guys nut in you, why me" than went on and said I was discusting. I'm only 4 weeks and I have no idea what to do. I'm scared and I feel so alone. I have no friends that I feel comfortable talking to this about let alone my own family whom I'm not close with.
By JennifEr (not verified) on 9 Jun 2019 - 03:45
Hey my name is Jennifer. I'm in the same situation as you I have nobody to talk to I'm lonely so if you ever need a friend to talk to im here . send me a message and if u want to exchange number we could .
By Michelle (not verified) on 29 Apr 2019 - 22:55
I would really like some advice, i have 4 month old baby currently and staying with my mum and dad atm as my partner is blacklisted becoz of his mum, idealy we need our own space. His mum is widoed and has not paid her dept in years and also blacklisted my boyfriend (her son). I am so frustrated as this is holding us back from buying a house together and she has no intention paying it, my boyfriend has also helped her a lot with bills ect and furniture for the house, i dont know what to do i dont want our relationship to suffer but i really need to focus on my babys future, as we have responsibility now our baby should come first and would like to concentrate on our future :( what should i do?
By Anonymous (not verified) on 29 Apr 2019 - 02:57
11weeks pregnant when I first told my boyfriend he was beyond happy happier than me . He wanted me to have his baby so bad . He so sweet & caring of me and rubs my tummy and holds it at night etc . So yesterday me & boyfriend got into an argument over me hanging out with his sister everyday and one day with my friends and he never said anything or had a problem when I hang out till I spent one day with my friends saying their miserable & he don’t want me around people like that especially since I’m pregnant then he said I’m not women enough to have his baby I can go to the dr & get rid of it or he’ll have some bitches do it blah blah blah . Then I’m just crying because I never asked for this baby didn’t wanna be pregnant at 22 but I didn’t prevent it either so it happened but I’m not mad or anything about it I feel I’m blessed god gave me this blessing for a reason & I wish I would let anybody or anything hurt my baby anyway back to the argument he left because I feel he knew he said some thing he shouldn’t he went fishing came back & then he apologize saying he was really mad & didn’t really mean that but when he’s mad he don’t care about anything or anybody & says thing he don’t really mean . But he just expect so much more outta more now that I’m pregnant blah blah blah but I don’t do anything but literally go over his sister hang out we go out to eat even sometimes she comes and hang with us she has to kids of her own one 3 & 11 Months not much we can do but chill hangout eat . All I did with my friend was eat & talk bout memories & went home I don’t understand what’s wrong with that at all . I think he just want me to be under her 24/7 . Cause he mad the comment his sister & my friend are not my ( n ) word . I honestly don’t know what to do it for one he disrespected me with I can deal with but my baby has nothing to do with our disagreements & that hurt me to the point I don’t even wanna be with him anymore .
By Stacy (not verified) on 28 Apr 2019 - 05:29
Me and my boyfriend been together for àbout 18 months. And in the beginning of our relationship I had been told by medical professionals I could never have a child. Well, I found out about a week ago I was pregnant. For some reason I have free so mean to him. I'm not sure why. And I said some hateful things. But I can't explain why. Because I love him and know he will be a good dad.
By Toiki (not verified) on 23 Apr 2019 - 19:31
Hello, my SO and I are a little over two months pregnant. She is constantly complaining about things I have no control over and it stresses me out. I'm working and she's almost finished with trade school. She doesn't want to cuddle and/or kiss that often if at all. When she does I cherish every second of it. Her libido went from 1,000 to 0 within a month and feels like it's getting lower (somehow). Not having sex isn't a big deal for me because it can sometimes make me feel dysphoric. My mind tries to tell me she is rejecting me but, I know it's the hormones and pregnancy. I guess I should mention that I am a pre-everything MTF. So, anatomically everything is "normal". All of this is really hard on me though. I've been through BCT, AIT, armed robbery, called names in the presence of my family, etc. and nothing has brought me down this much. I was about to start counseling and we found out we were pregnant. It was hard for me to find someone that loved me for who I am in the first place let alone let me have children with them. I never thought I would have children due to the effects of HRT(hormone replacement therapy) on my body. With that being said we've discussed surgeries. Everything is okay for the most part. We're both in between when it comes to the bottom surgery. We both want to make sure our baby is healthy and has a better childhood than we did. I just feel this distance growing and there's nothing I can do about it. Is that normal for pregnancy at 9 weeks? I like to fix problems when they arise but, I've never done any of this before so I don't know what to do. I'm just trying to be as supportive and helpful as I can while keeping myself together.
By Renie (not verified) on 1 Apr 2019 - 19:40
I need advice. I am five weeks pregnant and my boyfriend insist that I terminate the pregnancy because he is not ready. Last year he was pushing that we should have a baby. I am pregnant now and he wants me to terminate. I decided to keep the baby and he angry. He is no longer talking to me. He said he is not going to accept the baby. I am so stressed right now and I am worried about my baby more than anything
By Anonymous (not verified) on 26 Apr 2019 - 16:58
Did anyone reply to you Rennue, did you get some support?
By Lucille (not verified) on 1 May 2019 - 21:59
Girl keep the baby don't go after him their are lots of single parents out here and yet they made it without a man show him you not a murder kind
By Jessie (not verified) on 18 Jul 2019 - 04:19
By a man who claimed to be my child father, even though I had been kidnapped and prevented from returning to my new husband by the same man.
I now work in the legal field and I will tell you, men are often times violently possessive of their children's mothers.
Abortion is a choice.
Life is a choice.
Please do not tell this woman what choice she needs to make. She will decide on her own which choice she is content making.
By Anonymous (not verified) on 1 May 2019 - 22:22
You have to be the best Momma you can be. If he leaves, he’s losing the best thing that will ever had happened to him. Be strong
By Anonymous (not verified) on 5 May 2019 - 18:25
Where r u from?
By Mae (not verified) on 1 Apr 2019 - 03:51
My partner and I have been together for 4 years now.
A month ago, we learned I'm 6 weeks pregnant (I'm 10wks now).
At first, he's really excited and cheer me up. But lately, he always tell me he lost his motivation pursuing his dreams anymore (working or migrating abroad). Blaming me for unplanned pregnancy. Every week, he talks to me like he doesn't want it now. He sometimes even hit me whenever I answer him and point out my thoughts. I'm losing my mind and kinda depressed. Looks like we're splittijg up before my baby is born. I should be ready. :(
By Anonymous (not verified) on 4 May 2019 - 12:27
Leave that crazy useless man you deserve better god will provide a way out. Encourage your self and be happy that your wonderful baby
By Martha (not verified) on 30 Mar 2019 - 18:38
I am 8 months pregnant and my partner is behaving reckless he goes out drinking and never return plus he does not seem to be interested in me or our unborn baby.
By Stressed mum (not verified) on 30 Mar 2019 - 08:46
My partner and I have been together for 5 years and already have a 1yr old together. We were previously living with his family till I fell pregnant again and decided it was time we moved out into our own place.. he refused to come with cause he wanted to help his family out which I understood and was all good with. Now we’ve been living by ourselves for 3months and I am currently 6months pregnant. But the last 3months have been horrible. He’s lying to me all the time and every weekend is always out drinking and doesn’t go home till lunch next day.. Ive been having some major trust issues lately and have been getting so stressed out from his crap. I almost am stuck and don’t know how to deal with my emotions now. I’m worried for my belly baby’s safety with all the stress I’m putting onto myself and don’t know if it’s worth stay with him. He’s an average dad and only sees his 1yr old a few times a week. Let alone sees his pregnant gf. And to add into the mix I’m also working full time at a stressful job but I enjoy it cause it takes my mind off him. Am I being selfish or petty by leaving him for not caring for his family?
By Jayla (not verified) on 28 Mar 2019 - 18:11
I’m 4 months pregnant will be 5 in a week .i work two jobs and just rented my first apartment with him at 18 .things have been stressful and he calls me out my name,and says everything my fault .and that I’m lazy ,that I don’t want to work .when I try so hard ,it’s just days in the pregnancy that I don’t have the energy to get up or I’m in pain or feeling sick and he just says I’m over exaggerating and that I’m lazy.i cry so much in this relationship .after he insults me he always leave the house.when we argue I get this right pains in my stomach and lose breath I try to tell him argue everyday is slowing taking away from me but it seems he just wants to keep hurting me.
By Midwife @Tommys on 17 Apr 2019 - 15:58
Please can you speak to your midwife or doctor about his behaviour ? Could you also possibly tell a close relative or friend so that they can support you? It sounds like you could do with some support if deciding if you want to end this relationship safely and move out. Or if its something that you can address with him and improve upon your relationship. It it totally up to you. Please get the physical support that you can - both your midwife and doctor can help you in this. Please take good care of yourself and your baby
By Joe (not verified) on 21 Mar 2019 - 13:37
Myself and my partner where very happy and I proposed to her which she said yes then only a month later she found out we are having a child. I was absolutely made up and still am however she has become very distant and only recently decided not to see me. We have a scan 15 week scan booked in April which is three weeks away and I haven't seen her in 3 weeks already. Is this normal behaviour because it's heartbreaking for myself and don't understand any of it. I am trying to be there for her but she's adamant she wants to be on her own. We both have children from previous relationships but we all got along fantastically.
By Midwife @Tommys on 21 Mar 2019 - 17:01
Hi - Thank you for your message.
I am so sorry to hear that you are going through difficulties in your relationship during what should be an exciting time. Pregnancy can affect people in different ways and sometimes a partner may need time to adjust to the changes ahead.
Have you tried accessing counselling and support services such as relate?
By Anonymous (not verified) on 18 Jul 2019 - 05:49
Clearly, this woman has requested the end of a relationship, at the very least space a d solitude. OPs post worrys me for many reasons- but your response was detestable. If I'm not mistaken your profession requires you to, among other things, recognize abuse.
Three (3) weeks it was since he had seen her, and three (3) weeks it was prior to an appointment he likely showed up for - and yet he was in need of "urgent" advice? Since when has a period of 3 weeks regarding any "relationship", or in OPs case, the lack thereof, ever been considered "urgent" in your field? Perhaps the urgency was that he was running out of material and needed a professionals help so he could harass her?
I have a passion for advocating for the rights of women; and while I have an obvious bias towards victims, if I did not know any better, I would possibly empathize with the OP's statements, specifically with regard to how he feels - but his feelings are irrelevant. His feelings do NOT entitle him to anything over her objection! She ENDED the relationship. Period. Full-STOP. No question. That was made clear. He refuses to accept her decision. What other decisions is he refusing to accept? Perhaps this man refused to accept her decision to say "no" in the bedroom, possibly 15 to 16 weeks prior to the post?
Even if that were not the case:
I am quite surprised that you, a midwife, would even insinuate that her thoughts and emotions are any less valid - they are not.
To add insult to injury, you have (heaven forbid) given this man the "go-ahead" to pursue her, and thus act against her own personal will- and the basis is that her decision making abilities are not only faulty, and that she just needs time to "adjust"?
Ma'am, with all due respect, please look closely at his words. When I read it, I immediately gathered that he is not capable of accepting any variation of"No" for an answer; he is intentionally omitting information as no one is ever completely innocent in a breakup; she made the decision to end the relationship, whilst pregnant nonetheless; his question was not entirely direct, he was "fishing"- what else, if not an abusive situation, could this be?
Victims are exploited, abused, stalked, cannot enjoy freedom of association because of the human ability to "adjust" - fight, flight, acquiesce, or play dead. Sometimes what may appear to be "adjusting" is actually dissociative behavior stemming from repeated advances and forcible interactions. This is not limited to gender or age.
The one thing every single victim with a Dissociative Disorder has in common: at one point they attempted to physically dissociate themselves from perpetrators by creating space- it is when they care unable to get away that they begin to "split", or dissociate mentally. Perhaps this woman is, or at least was, trying to do just that.
To encourage a man to continue pursuing a woman who has said "no" in so many ways, and in no uncertain terms isn't only sickening, its disheartening.
You proffered the basis of chemical imbalances against her, as if pregnancy renders a woman incapable of making decisions, yet he made no claim that she was mentally incapacitated. You may have unwittingly given this OP ammo.
What is even more disturbing is that you would go as far as to validate his ridiculous idea that he is somehow entitled to attend her visits, which would no doubt compromise any claim of communication or health privilege. Why on earth would you insinuate that insistence is a good idea? I am so bothered by this.
Somehow you believe the OP is entitled to (breaking down the consequences of your encouragement): her time, company, companionship, future, health records, to be party to confidential and privileged communications and that she will eventually "adjust" to the same - in your assertions, outside the box, a man (who may well be abusive) could very reasonably infer that he is entitled to her, as her own person. Because she will "adjust", and you even suggested therapy. She is trying to get away from him - read it again! And again if needed!
She already said "NO". As a midwife, how many rape victims do you see for exams any given month? Congratulations, this is one of the many reasons rapes occur. "No" just means keep going, according to this midwife at least.
I have seen this many times.
Men lay the empathy card.
They seek any information to further their agenda.
They are usually suave, play the martyr, and appear innocent and clueless.
They also abuse their women and impregnate them using whichever for of reproductive coercion the man chooses.
This prevents them from leaving.
This allows these men to exploit them and/or otherwise abuse them for as long as the child is under 18.
Please reconsider the way you respond to male posters who appear to have a broken heart, are confused, and whatever else they state. I can guarentee you, there's more to this post, and the poster left the most pertinent details out- intentionally. Pleade be more mindful.
By John (not verified) on 29 Apr 2019 - 22:47
You’re not alone. I’m going through the same thing right now. She even told me she doesn’t know if she has feelings for me anymore
By Kim (not verified) on 12 May 2019 - 06:33
I know how she feels I can’t understand why I don’t want to be around he either
By Alpha (not verified) on 13 Mar 2019 - 06:36
Why do you guys always think like women are innocent in relationships?? Why you never talk about mens who are abused everyday by their wives? Stressed and still provides for his family?
Remember actions equals to reactions. Both mens and women may suffer the same in relationships when one pattern is becoming what he or she was supposed to be in relationship