Why supportive relationships matter in pregnancy
Pregnancy hormones can make you feel a mix of emotional highs and lows, which can make many women feel more vulnerable or anxious. Some may also have trouble coping with their symptoms or even have complications during their pregnancy, which can cause extra stress.
From couple to parents
It’s quite normal for couples to argue, even if you’re in a healthy relationship. Sometimes this has nothing to do with pregnancy. But there are some common reasons why you may argue when you’re pregnant. These include:
- you feel your partner is less interested in the pregnancy than you are
- the baby doesn’t seem real to you or your partner
- you feel your partner is being too protective of you
- you are both stressed about money
- one of you wants to have sex but the other doesn’t
- you are feeling sick, tired and moody
- you are both anxious about being parents
- you are worried your partner won’t find your changing body attractive.
“I felt sick all day, every day during my pregnancy, which didn’t really get better until I was about 6 months along. I didn’t feel good physically and was also really upset that I wasn’t enjoying my pregnancy. This made me really stressed and irritable, which affected my relationship with my husband for a while.”
Making the change from being a couple to being parents isn’t easy. You’re probably thinking about how it will change your life and your relationship with each other.
It’s a good idea to talk to each other about your feelings and any anxieties you have about the future, including:
- your hopes
- your fears
- your expectations about life with your baby
- what kind of parents you want to be
- how you can support each other.
You may also find it helpful to:
- have an open and honest chat about how you’re both feeling. Take turns to listen to each other
- try not to be accusing or too negative, instead think about practical things you could both do to make things better
- try to understand things from your partner’s point of view as well as your own
- make a wellbeing plan to make sense of your feelings and help you talk them through with your partner.
Talking about how you feel won’t always stop you arguing. But it may make you feel better prepared for the changes ahead and reassure you that you are in a strong, healthy and loving relationship.
Sorting out relationship problems
Sometimes problems in a relationship can become overwhelming. Some people may feel like they are dealing with everything on their own and so feel isolated or resentful. Other couples may try to talk through their problems but still can’t find a way to sort things out.
If you are feeling unhappy you may want to try relationship advice or counselling. This gives you a chance to talk about your worries together in a safe and confidential place with a trained counsellor. You can also talk to a counsellor about your relationship on your own if you want.
- get relationship advice and support from the Couple Connection
- get information about couple’s counselling at Relate. They also offers a live web chat service where you can talk to a relationship or family counsellor for up to 30 minutes for free.
- find a private counsellor in your area though the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP).
If you split up
Unfortunately, some couples split up when they are expecting a baby. This can be a very difficult time for both of you but there is support available.
The charity Gingerbread supports single parent mums and dads by providing information about things like:
- financial support
- managing money
- you and your child’s wellbeing.
Domestic violence can be physical, sexual, emotional, psychological or financial. One in four women experiences domestic abuse or domestic violence at some point in their lives.
Some abuse starts when women become pregnant. Other times the abuse gets worse during or after pregnancy.
Domestic violence or abuse can cause emotional and mental health problems, including stress and anxiety. It also puts you and your unborn child at risk.
It may be very difficult to recognise or admit what is happening. Remember that domestic violence or abuse can happen to anyone and you are not alone.
There are professionals you can talk to if you are thinking about having a family but are being abused. Nobody will judge you or tell you what to do, it’s just important that you get support (listed below).
If you’re not comfortable talking to someone face-to-face, you can call the Women’s Aid 24-hour domestic violence helpline on 0808 2000 247. They will give you confidential advice and support.
Remember that anything you say to your midwife or doctor is in confidence. That means they can't tell anyone else without your permission.
You can tell your midwife or doctor if you are experiencing domestic abuse. They may be able to help you and, if not, they can advise you where to go for help.
NHS Choices. Domestic abuse in pregnancy https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/pregnancy-and-baby/domestic-abuse-pregnant/ (Page last reviewed: 17/03/2018. Next review due: 17/03/2021)Hide details
ℹLast reviewed on October 12th, 2018. Next review date October 12th, 2021.
By Deedee (not verified) on 30 Jan 2020 - 06:13
Me and my bf has been together 4 years we was planning to have his first baby then all of a sudden I was pregnant already. He told me he was scared because he didnt wanna be like his father who wasnt in his life and I understand that like I told him I got his back no matter what. He makes me feel less than he watching porn right in front of.me because I'm too sick to have sex which to me was disrespectful then keeps saying ww not ready instead of saying he not ready because I am. And will take care of my baby regardless. We got into it because of him not providing and rather be with his friend while I'm 6 months pregnant so I end up asking him to leave. He was complaining how he struggling and cant survive on his own so I still was helping feeding him washing clothes letting him stay same days over. Then I get a phone call that he is talking about me in a negative way to his female manager that works on his shift which pissed me off because I'm still helping when I shouldnt be. Now I'm 8 month and havent spoken to him in 2 weeks dont even know if he will be around or not just seems like he doesnt care after I was helping him for 4 years it took 8 months just for him to forget about me and his baby. I'm so sad he only went to 1 doctors appointment this whole time doesnt even wanna rub my belly cuz he said she dont like him cuz she would stop moving when he touched me. I do t know if to move on or wait til after the baby to see if he come around
By Depressed (not verified) on 17 Jan 2020 - 04:11
I am 22 years old, currently 20 weeks and heartbroken. I met my baby daddy a little over a year ago. I was so in love, and so was he I thought. I thought we would be together forever. We moved in together and stared talking about marriage sort of early. We traveled and moved a lot in search of a home and good jobs. We had such amazing memories and times together. They hurt so bad to think about. He was set on a specific job where he would be gone for two weeks and make really good money, which he still hasn't got. He told me on occasions that he wanted that job so we can get a home and have children. He had a surgery and the doctor said the older he got (he is 28) the harder it would be to have children. We talked about it one day (oddly about the time I got pregnant) and i thought about how much I wanted to have his baby. We stopped using protection. That was my fault because we were having issues to begin with. He has a wandering eye and does not see the disrespect in flirting/rubbernecking another woman even right in front of me. Liking probacative fb pictures on "accident" I understand some things could have not been as they seem, but everytime i tried to talk to him about it he would deny and we would just fight. This lead him to call me immature, insecure, jealous, crazy etc... When all I wanted was to feel like he wanted me and not everyone else for once. We ended up moving in with his parents, while he still tried to get the job. We started fighting more and more and the more I felt he didn't want me. He even went as far to tell me he didn't want to marry me or have babies anymore. I almost left once but he begged his parents to let me stay (they didnt want drama).. He made me sleep in a separate room to "fix" things. He never wanted to talk or work things out and I felt more and more depressed and isolated. Unloved and imprisoned. Even on my birthday when we found out I was pregnant he wouldn't let me sleep in his bed. Every part of me felt he didn't love me anymore. Possibly interested in others. He wouldn't let me go home to be with family. 18 hours away I was "running away with his child" Two days before i left for good he finally let me. I still hurt and didn't feel right. I ended up in the er with a subchorionic hemmorhage that could have been caused my stress. The baby was okay. The next day he started yelling at me when i got in the shower and then when i asked if we could finally tell some if my close family members. All he could say is "we're not ready for this but youre going to what you want anyway." It was killing me. His brothers gf was pregnant they were happy. It was killing me not being able to have support from my family and be happy about a baby on the way. I got off work expecting for us to finally crush our issues and figure things out. He texted saying he was going to his friends halloweeen party. I was so upset that he didn't care and didn't even invite me. I threw my back out and he came home to tell me i was faking so he wouldn't go cheat on me. Long story short we ended up yelling and his stepdad was not happy. He always said things like "at this point i see nothing to look forward to with her" and really heartbreaking words. The next day I woke up after a dream of him telling me he was sorry and he loved me (like i still do every night). I begged him to talk to me and work things out. His mom ended up saying i had to leave. He hasn't showed much of an interest in being with me since i left almost two months ago. He shows interest in being in the babies life. Sometimes it seems like we will work things out but then he hardly calls or texts. The last convo we had literally all I wanted was to hear he loves me. He ended up saying more that this is all my fault im not there, he needs a DNA test, i never loved him, that i threatened to find a new daddy?? Etc. I feel he is toxic and i'd be better off alone, but part of me still wonders if he does love me and just freaking out. I keep going back and fourth, but I also know if he did care we wouldn't be in this. I think about him so much my heart aches. I miss him. I miss who he was in the beginning. It hurts me to see happy pregnant couples. I see a pretty girl and think about how he would be looking and probably would like her more. That's how he always made me feel. I have never been so lost and heartbroken can anybody help me??
By Ashè (not verified) on 23 Jan 2020 - 11:41
I’m so sorry your going through this. I wanted to reply because it touched me deeply. I relate to your story.
Sometimes we fall in love with someone but only see just one part of who they are. We think that they are so many things that actually we find out it was only one aspect of their personality.
It sounds like this started becoming clear but you got pregnant.Which is scary and vulnerable.
It is a good rule to never take a relationship into a serious level until at least 4 seasons have passed. To make sure you give yourself adequate time to really see who someone is. All people have a shadow. This can time time to reveal itself.
Your own shadows must be also recognized. The only way to know how your shadow is showing up is by being willing to see it. The shadow is really just wounds from early childhood that develop. It sounds like there might be wounds you have of not feeling good enough for secure love and this might show up with insecurity and jealousy. Or/and wanting to stay with someone who doesn’t respect you. It’s important to remember that you are not a victim. That you can make a choice about what kind of love you want in your life. Of course this might mean you need to do some healing on yourself and learn to give yourself the kind of love you are seeking from this man. When you learn to truly love yourself then you can attract a healthy relationship based on trust and a supportive love based from two whole people coming together to share love that they already have for themselves. Interdependencia vs. Codependance.
Not searching outside for someone to fulfill what your parents neglected to give you as a child
.So maybe for your little one coming you can take it upon yourself to be a Mom who knows how to love and respect herself.
To protect this child from drama that will only deeply wound him/her and continue the cycle of dysfunction.
You can heal but it is up to you now. Do not give your power to a man. Even if he is the father of your child. Take your self love and respect, find a great therapist, and make a choice to create a life full of love and respect for yourself and this little one!
By Anonymous (not verified) on 7 Jan 2020 - 12:52
I am a father to be, and my wife is 7 months gone. We have had the most amazing relationship, up till she fell pregnant, which we tried for. After she became pregnant, her personality shifted, she is convinced I am going to leave her, and often, she has left me, and moved back to her family home. I have then been a wreck and have done everything in my power to convince her to come home to me. She has done so, and then things are great for a month or so, before the same thing happens again. This has happened 4-5 times, over the past 6-7 months and I have grown increasingly anxious, depressed and now live day to day, wondering if she will just leave me again. I care for her, do all the housework and support her financially, as she likes to spend (within reason), but tends to go a little over the top. I go without so she doesn't have too. After our last stint, roughly 2 weeks ago, and after I convinced her to come home, I stupidly asked if we would still be together, if she wasn't pregnant, and she said, unlikely. This hurts so much, as things were literally perfect before. Now I see my unborn child as the savour of my relationship. But I am petrified when it's grown, my wife will just leave me. Like everyone in life, we have the pressures and stressed of money, and we are going to be exceedingly short on funds when baby is born, but we knew that, when we started trying to conceive. All this, and I found out from her sister, that she has pictures and screenshots of 'naughty' conversations on her phone, from her ex. He was long gone before we got together in the first place, but, and without seeing them, I am presuming the worst, and thinking she is referring back to them, when the 'need' arises. I can't discuss with her, as it would break the trust between, her sister, her and myself. I was messed around in a previous relationship, and now, I am at a total loss, as I now know she doesn't want to be with me, but financially, she needs my support, and I don't feel she can return to her ex, as that's long gone, should she even want too. I am so depressed, constantly scared and feel like my heart is going to explode. Every conversation with her, feels like it's going to be another break up and I can see visually, she isn't okay. I know her body and mind is going through so much, but I am hoping that this is just a phase through her pregnancy. That after the pregnancy results in a birth, that we will get back on track and I will feel loved again...
By Jen (not verified) on 18 Dec 2019 - 13:11
I’ve been married for 8 years and have a very lovely husband. I am 35. He was keen to have a family and I thought I was too. I’m 7 weeks pregnant and praying for a miscarriage. I really don’t want to be pregnant and I’m scared. I’m not sure I can go through with an abortion. I’m guilty at how I feel.
By Kate (not verified) on 6 Jan 2020 - 21:22
I’m 8 weeks too and it’s destroyed my relationship. My partner has decided he doesn’t want more kids (he has 2 from a previous relationship, I have none). I thought I wanted to be a mum but I’m not doing it alone. It’s all a mess.
By Jason (not verified) on 23 Nov 2019 - 20:07
My girlfriend and I have been together for 3 months and she is 6 weeks pregnant
We both were really happy when we found out but she's been having a hard time with cramping and being extremely moody
Within the last week she's been pretty distant and two days ago she text me and said she's having a miscarriage because she is spotting and that she didn't want to talk to me until she was ready and wanted to deal with this in her own
I've done a lot of research and spotting doesn't always lead to miscarriage
But now she wont answer the phone or even text messages
I'm not sure what to do at this point she's leaving me in the dark here
She was also supposed to have a ultrasound in a couple day which would have confirmed any issues
I was thinking of going to her house in a couple days if I don't hear from her which i dont want to do but I feel like I have no choice
Some advice would be appreciated
By Amber (not verified) on 26 Nov 2019 - 04:15
I feel like she may be panicking and debating an abortion.. you have every right to be apart of whatever is going on. As much as she may feel it's her right to keep you in the dark. How old are you both?
By Court (not verified) on 17 Nov 2019 - 23:41
Hello , I could really do with some advice, I’m 22 years old and my boyfriend is 29, we’ve been together just under a year, I’ve been on the pill but have recently fallen pregnant which is a massive shock and very unexpected, we found out at 5 weeks and I’m currently in my 9th week. My boyfriend says it’s not the right time for a baby and he doesn’t want it at all, I really don’t want to abort as we have a roof over our heads and are both on good pay, it is completely do-able but he insists he doesn’t want it, we’ve had many many big arguments about this, he even asked me if I’m right in the head for wanting to keep a child at this point, I’ve had an aborting before and unfortunately miscarried a couple years back. Please help, I don’t want to be on my own with this baby but I don’t know what to do
By Midwife @Tommys on 19 Nov 2019 - 12:49
Hi Court, can you talk to your family and close friends about this decision you have to make, its important you are well supported if your boyfriend is so far not doing this.
If you have expressed that you do not wish to have an abortion, then you may have to consider that you may have to raise this child yourself without his assistance. You need to weigh up the pros and cons of each option. You will ultimately then make a decision that you feel is best for you. You can also have these conversations here - https://www.mariestopes.org.uk/
Please take good care of yourself. Tommy's Midwife
By Jacqueline (not verified) on 30 Sep 2019 - 05:38
I’m 8 months pregnant and me and my boyfriend have been together for a little over a year. Throughout our relationship I’ve had moments when I just didn’t know what I wanted and it made me depressed. In the past when I’ve felt this way the good always outweighed the bad and we continued to work towards our relationship. Now that I’m 8 months into my pregnancy I’ve been going through severe depression and just don’t know how I feel again. I don’t want to feel this way. My boyfriend is the most amazing person I’ve ever met and I want to be together and be a family. I see such an amazing life with him and he’s an amazing partner. The good always outweighs the bad and this feeling usually goes away but there’s days that my depression is so bad I just feel helpless. He’s so supportive and he’ll literally put my pants and socks on for me and drag me out of bed on my worst days. I don’t know how to get out of this funk I’m in. I want to be a happy family and I’m the only thing that’s getting in the way of that. I feel selfish that there are people out there that would do anything for there baby daddy to treat them right and I have this amazing man sitting right in front of me and I’m depressed. I want to just focus on my relationship and my family but this depression is controlling my life. I’ve tried talking to people and even tried a anti depression medication. I took the medication once and i never took it again. It made me feel like I had no idea what was going on and only made things worse. After that medication I said that I would rather deal with my emotions myself than feel the way that medication made me feel. But now I just feel hopeless and idk what to do. These emotions get so built up and I overthink so much that I feel like I can’t do this anymore but when I calm down and realize what a good man I have I tell myself to push for my relationship and my family. I know love isn’t easy and I want to get past this and be a good partner to my boyfriend and be a good mother to my son but I’m scared these feelings will never go away.
Please tell what to do to get past this. How can I get out of this depression.
By Midwife @Tommys on 30 Sep 2019 - 12:21
You really need to talk to your midwife, Gp and obstetric doctor about your Depression and how you have been feeling, and the way you have been thinking. They can all help you to feel more like yourself again - via counselling, cbt therapy, assess to psychiatric teams, mental health dr's and nurses and just having more antenatal check ups can really help you to feel more settled and comfortable.
Please get yourself seen as soon as you can, there are many other support and treatments out there, not just medication. So please help them, to help you :) I'm so pleased to hear that you have a wonderfully supportive partner too! Take care of yourself and bump, Tommy's Midwife
By Kie (not verified) on 4 Feb 2020 - 23:23
Hi Jacqueline x
I’m going through the exact same thing I suffer with depression and have been on medication for the past couple of months, I found out I’m 6 weeks pregnant so have stopped taking the medication as I’m not too sure what I want to do atm in terms of keeping the baby. At first I was extremely excited and couldn’t wait to see what the future holds. As the days go on I keep doubting everything I have the most amazing and supportive boyfriend again like yours he worships the ground I walk on and I think any girl would cut their right arm of leg off to meet or have someone like my boyfriend. We have been together nearly a year now he is extremely supportive with my depression has never judged me when I’m out of control and has never left me he is 22 I am 25 he is over the moon we are having a baby and wants nothing more for us to be a family but I just can’t get past my doubts and when I have doubts I think that’s it!! It’s not meant to be he’s not meant to be the person I bring a baby into this world with, which then leads to stupid thoughts of I don’t want him I dont want to be with him, the. again I’ll be thinking no he is what o want then I will convince myself everything is great and I’m happy! Depression Is no joke i hate it!!! I have no idea if it’s my depression or the pregnancy hormones but sometimes I think is this really what I want, is this what I want with him? How can I be second guessing when I probably wouldn’t meet anyone better than him ever again :( I just feel extremely confused, depressed, sad, excited and every other emotion you could possibly think of! You’re not alone in this! I hope you’re baby is beautiful and healthy and you’re making progress each day. I hope to think I can do the same xxx
By Magdeline (not verified) on 27 Aug 2019 - 13:06
I am currently pregnant my first pregnancy I was suppose to be happy and celebrate but I am unable to do that my baby dad just left me and he be like that's what I wanted all along when I tell him I am pregnant we no longer communicate I tried talking to him that he can hate me as much as he can but he shouldn't punish an innocent soul for the mistake we did now it's pretty clear that I am gonna raise my child alone ... i have been stressed and this pregnancy feel like a burden coz my life has changed complete but I pray to God to give me strength and power to over come this for the sake of the baby..
By Alexis (not verified) on 8 Sep 2019 - 15:27
The father of my child left me when I was 5 months pregnant but in the end he didnt want kids in the first place I'm doing this by myself and it's hard as hell it truly is ik I'm not going to be the perfect mother ik that but ik that when he comes out he will be the only thing that matters the most to me not his father him he kicks me constantly because his dad isn't home and I get hardly any sleep but like I said I'm strong as hell and ik that everything will be okay in the end when he finally comes into this world his mother will be right there to welcome him I dont know about the father but right now as it stand he will not be apart of his life and I'm okay with that when my son grows up he will know with out me even telling him that his fathers actions will tell him
By Tasha (not verified) on 28 Oct 2019 - 19:48
Hello, please reach out to me. I am too going through my first pregnancy and my “partner” has told me time and time again to get an abortion, how he doesn’t want it and only me. He keeps coming in and out of my life and my depression is getting really bad.
Maybe we can support each other through social media?
By Renay (not verified) on 1 Nov 2019 - 16:20
My boyfriend left me...carrying his second child now and im 5 months my first born is a year old
By Anonymous (not verified) on 15 Nov 2019 - 09:24
We are at the same page
By T (not verified) on 12 Aug 2019 - 06:17
So my boyfriend and I have been together for about 7 years already . We moved 4 hours away from his family to live up with mine and eventually got our own place . Our relationship has always been kinda crazy . Since we’ve started to date I’ve accepted he was always behind my back doing whatever he was doing until one day 5 years I got tired.. broke up and slept with my friends cousin.. my boyfriend came back seemed genuine & wanted to get back even after I confessed in what happened .. it was really hard for him to get over it even until this day. Eventually we got pregnant & I lost the baby at 10 weeks . I was really depressed at the time & didn’t feel like he was there for me .. I’m not sure if the loss of the baby brought us together or if it was the guilt but 4 months later I’m pregnant again . 15 weeks this time & we still can’t get along . It’s not healthy and I’m going crazy .. he’s happy he’s going to be a dad and I’m pretty sure he will be a good father . I just wish he was a better man to me . I want him to be a better a man to me .
By Mommy2019 (not verified) on 16 Jul 2019 - 16:30
I am worried for my friend that has smoked weed her whole pregnancy and she insists there aren't any negative affects on baby and I just wonder if the baby will be tested for recreational drug use after birth do they take her baby away?
By Anonymous (not verified) on 16 Jul 2019 - 15:59
I’m currently 10 weeks pregnant. My fiancé and I are supposed to get married, but he just told me that he has another child before our relationship. He’s not in that child’s life at the moment. I want him to focus on building a relationship with that child. I also don’t know if I want to continue the pregnancy because we’ve been dating for 3 years and he’s just now telling me about the other child. This is not his first time lying to me. When I told him that I don’t trust him anymore he took that as an attack so now he barely shows any affection towards me, and now I feel so confused.
By Confidential (not verified) on 18 Jul 2019 - 04:15
You were seeking validation of your choice, from people who have no idea what it is like to be you, in your situation, and wiwitwiwith the people currently in your life, with so many other variables- only you can make thathat decision. I cannot give you validation, and you do not need it, and by the way you phrased things, it would appear that you have already made your decision. Validation, that is internal, not external - you will never find that. But Insight, I can give you that.
This nitwit has impeccable timing, huh?
Regardless of whether or not you would have pursued a relationship had he told you sooner; regardless of any of his attempts to justify his not telling you - he did not tell you [insert every single 4 letter word right the freak here, chew them up and spit them out]! He has a child, how old? That child is that mans legacy. That child will be forever extending his descendants. He simply forgot to mention the child? Or was he afraid of anyone knowing he has a biological legacy? How many more children are there? What else do you remain in the dark with? Why are you even in a position to question his basic freaking integrity, much less anything that could follow. Like marriage and children?! Is he marriageable, not only with virtues, morals, walk of faith, life goals, principles and practices, and of course, morals (or an apparent lackthereof)- I mean is he even legally able to enter into a marriage? Has be been married? Is he still married? Do you see where this line of questioning is headed in this short post? Now imagine this for the rest of your life!
If this is not telling enough let's look at the last portion of your question.
It seems you are an authentic individual- you shared with him your feelings on the matter and you were no doubt completely honest with him - and because of that he is now punishing you, by withdrawing his affection, attention, and all the ways you are able to *feel* love.
In short: he lied to you, by omission - about the existence of someone who holds such an important office in his life and in his future line - and you, you're in the apparant office of a wife in waiting - and yet - you are not entitled to the truth, and you do not deserve the courtesy of having full disclosure, prior to him ensuring your future is his.
You have built your decision to marry him on foundation of lies. Your plans that you have had with him for the future, those will never, ever, happen, how could they? What you have imagined and what is presenting currently, are likely very different from the other.
Lying about family? Do you really want to be his family? The same family that he lies about?
Down the road, when you share your feelings and are truthful, will you be punished for it?
It sounds like he wanted to trap you and he waited until you "couldn't" leave his deceitful pig head. But you can, and you can make the right choices better that any family, friends, strangers, or martians (trying to lighten the mood for you a little)... I would not tell him your decision.
Simply giving back the ring, and writing a note that stated"you have impeccable timing" got my point across in an eerily similar situation. At first I did not think he cared. But he did. He did not care about me. He did not care about offspring. He cared about his ego, he cared that I was not in my "place"; he cared for his humiliation and failure to keep a woman in line
Yes, abusive men are all like this- although not all men are abusive [remember that].
Unfortunately I didn't recognize how abusive he had already become, or the anticipated escalation as pregnancy increases the likelihood of lethality exponentially. So I have decided to remove the risk of death at his hands by terminating.
I thought I would never ever do this, and i thought i would be sad about both the loss of him and pregnancy. I am not though. I am looking forward to it.
His legacy will not continue through me, that's for damn sure.
By Kimberly John (not verified) on 18 Jul 2019 - 08:50
I say keep the baby no matter what you never know what that baby could do with your life he/she could change it in a very good way!!
By JaneDoe (not verified) on 27 Jul 2019 - 05:09
Pregnancy can really bring out true intentions in a relationship. I don’t believe in abortion but also who knows what else he has kept from you. The worst fear a woman can have is being with a pathological liar. He kept a child from you for 3 years, he proposed keeping that lie from you. Why? What else is being kept away? The person who is in the wrong will always be offended when they’re caught, now you’re being punished for his mistakes. Don’t let a man gaslight you, he is in the wrong, he lied, not you. The guilty feel attacked and switch blame. Take care of yourself. Ask yourself “Is this how I want to live my life? Do I want this man in my child’s life?”
By Fatherwhofeelsh... (not verified) on 28 Jun 2019 - 17:35
Hi guys, so back story- I’m 36 my wife just turned 33. She got pregnant first month off the pill in 7 years, I smoke weed regularly, and dabble I’m recreational drugs a bit. Not much of a drinker, haven’t smoked cigarettes for 6 years, and my wife is similar but a big drinker and cigarette smoker, far less weed or recreational drugs than me but certainly makes up for it in alcohol consumption. We caught the pregnancy really early, like 1-2 weeks, so there is no chance of any damage to the wee been from drinking and smoking etc.the doctor advised her to ween herself off cigarettes and alcohol , she now 1 wine a day but is still smoking 1 cone of weed split into halves, one after work, one before bed. She constantly complains about it and It sometimes feels like if I wasn’t keeping an eye on her she may have a drink(which she isn’t) but I can’t stop worrying about it. She’s gone from 40 smokes a day to between 10-15 a day in a week or so since she found out, but it’s getting to the 4-5 week mark and I can’t stop finding myself getting vividly upset when I see her smoking cigarettes or having her 1 of the 2 half cones a day. she is using it to help her sleep and controlmorning sickness. She’s up and down emotionally and flip flopping a lot with decisions. We run a fairly big business for a 2 person operation, so it’s a bit of a unique situation we are in. Would I be safe to assume that before the 6 week mark as long as she continues to ween the cigarettes and weed down to 3-5 cigs and half a cone a day, we’ll be pretty safe up until 6 weeks and at from then on even 1 drink or cone could harm the baby ? I can’t help but feel like I’m helpless and almost Austrosised because I’m the one who keeps getting upset when I see her smoking a aciggaterte ora cone. am I within my rights to het upset about this? Or is she going to be fine as long as she stops at the 6 week mark.
By Raven (not verified) on 8 Jul 2019 - 12:34
While it's not recommended that you smoke or drink during pregnancy, it's good she has cut down significantly. Yes you can be upset about her still smoking and drinking, but instead of critizing her, have you thought about quitting any of the substances you take? You'll both have a little extra in your pocket for your little one and it may help her see you less of a potentially nagging hypocrite and more of a supportive partner since you're in this together.
By Meredith (not verified) on 29 Jan 2020 - 01:18
It's usually recommended to try and quit smoking before week 15 to reduce any smoking related risks. Sadly it took me 30 weeks
By I am Mary Ogutu (not verified) on 28 Jun 2019 - 12:35
Im a 42yrs old pregnant and I would love to join you and get anwsers or progress how my baby is doing pls
By Nesa (not verified) on 28 Jun 2019 - 08:35
I am so disappointed in my self. I was married and got out of it because of verbal and physical abuse. After the separation i was happy with my 7 year old son. One year after I met this guy and he seem so wonderful I decided to give love another try. I am now 7 months pregnant and things are turning for the worst. He keeps accusing me of cheating even though I am pregnant. He call me all the worst name I can think of. I am studying and one of my class mate message me asking g me for some notes and he is convinced I am doing something. I say I am a slur and a hore and he should have k ow better. Now he is saying the baby is not his and he will not sing the birth paper. What ever he can say to hurt me he say it. I ask him to leave and he say he will get the rest of his stuff tomorrow. The sad part Is i have my 7 year old and pregnant with a little girl. I am depressed because now i have two kids with no father. It hurts me so much to put these kids through this. I grew up without a father and it was not great. I need help all I am doing is crying and thinking about how I am going to do this. I focus is passing my state board exam and start a better paying job to support my family. All this guy can think of if all the negative things I life. I will move on but the thought of it just kills me inside. I am 32 and I feel like I had enough of relationships and me. I feel like my life is over.
By Midwife @Tommys on 28 Jun 2019 - 12:36
I am so sorry to hear that you are going through such a difficult time at the moment. We are here to support you, you can email us [email protected], and we are here Monday to Friday 9-5pm to support you.
By Keke (not verified) on 2 Jul 2019 - 11:29
Hun, I can relate to all these things u saying I'm feeling the same way it really hurt when u pregnant with their child an treat u like shit...my bf constantly lies an try dragging me alone...but being pregnant it's not much u can really do I stress so much I try to find ways to lose the child.....girl I'm under so much depression I really dont no what to do no more....I dont wanna raise by myself because I have a future so I no what u going threw ....just pray or get a counselor that's what I'm gone seek good luck sis.
By Mario . (not verified) on 25 Jul 2019 - 13:18
Look I read your story I know how you feel similar thing happened to me in my relationship ..and I want you to know that sometimes guys are gerks dont let that get you down ..wish for a better guy to come into your life I know his outthere .. But dont feel sad we guys have suffered too the same way with ladies and I believe that good people do exist for us..
By Vee (not verified) on 28 Jun 2019 - 05:43
My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years now, i moved in at his place about a year ago however I am now 6 weeks pregnant. I discussed it with him however he insists that I terminate the pregnancy because he is not ready financially and emotionally. I want to keep the baby but i fear him leaving me on my own to bring up this child, this would be the second time i have gotten pregnant for him I terminated my last pregnancy because of the same reason. I don't want to abort my baby what should I do?
By Jay (not verified) on 29 Jun 2019 - 07:13
I feel as though I just read something that describes my whole situation that I am currently dealing with. I also terminated a previous pregnancy with my boyfriend for the same reason and I am now 7 weeks into the second pregnancy. I feel lost and hopeless because I want my boyfriend to be there entirely in my baby’s life. If you find any good advice, please let me know. Good luck to you and have an amazing pregnancy.
By Anita (not verified) on 25 Jul 2019 - 16:17
I'm in the same boat as you are dear,,hmmm and am scared too plz someone der to talk to us pls
By Angel (not verified) on 3 Aug 2019 - 12:17
Getting pregnant is a precious gift that a lot of women take for granted. Talk to your boyfriend and tell him that you want to keep this baby. If he doesn't go for it then leave. You guys have been together long enough. If he doesn't want the baby now then he will never want it. Keeping this baby will positively change you and your life. And you've got 9 months to prepare. Do whatever you have to do to be ready. You won't regret it.
By Elizabeth (not verified) on 26 Jun 2019 - 12:48
Before I got pregnant we had a disagreement with my husband and when we got back Immediately i got pregnant he now pressuring me that the kid is not his wat should I do
By Jasmine (not verified) on 24 Jun 2019 - 06:01
I’m currently 27 weeks pregnant and I feel super lost l, angry, sad and just everything u can think of. My BF Abuses me verbally, physically etc. he punches my head and my legs when he gets upset, I cannot tell him anything wrong without him snapping on me. He has me on a leash and goes with me everywhere I go, but if I try to tell him something about him doing something wrong I get a beating for sure. I am fed up, but at the same time I don’t know what to do, I’m scared of him and I do t really have the help of anyone and I just feel super lost and lonely. My job is another problem, my boss is from England and she gives me the hardest time ever. I have had a rough life and always tend to go for the bad guys, I’m like a magnet. This last few days have been hell and I have no one to talk to, I feel trapped I feel lonely I feel like I maybe made a mistake that will now tie me for the rest of my life with this man. I am excited for my soon to be born baby, but the people around me are killing me slowly and I don’t know how to make the best out of this.
By Tarick (not verified) on 24 Jun 2019 - 23:24
Hi Jasmine. Peopel who were abused during childhood are attracted to the abusive partners. As far as the childhood issue is not fixed, the person only attracted to the abusive people. I think if you can, take some help and get rid of this abusive partner. In less than 13 weeks an innocent child will born and you don't want to have a sick person around.
I wish you the best.
By Sara (not verified) on 25 Jun 2019 - 06:24
I am 21 weeks pregnant and I’m pretty much going through the same thing. I’m so lost and worried for my babies well being only because I’ve never been this stressed sad mad anxious or distraught to this extreme In my life. I feel conpletely helpless and hopeless.
By Jayne (not verified) on 25 Jun 2019 - 21:56
What you are experiencing is so far from normal. It is never ok to be in a physically or verbally abusive relationship. You have done the right thing reaching out. As a mum myself there is no stronger relationship between a mother and their child. I have never experienced this utter urge to protect something so much that it scares me every day. The best thing to do is take small steps to a long term goal. Number 1 being seek help and advice from a professional about your abusive relationship. Advice on housing, financial and emotional support. You can do this! In 5 years time you will have a young son or daughter that will look up to you and see a strong mummy who did the best by them. He/she wont have to watch their mum being abused as it will never stop. No kid deserves that. I know how it feels to feel alone, to justify things that are not normal in your life and blame yourself and punish yourself rather than take action. I have felt bullied in work and at home and the only thing that can stop it is your reaction. You can do this! Just get the right support. You are so much stronger than you think. Little steps remember. X
By Lady t (not verified) on 22 Jun 2019 - 18:23
I'm 2 weeks pregnant and I have told my bf he want me to do abortion and I have been dating he for a year now he said he doesn't want a child now he have 3 child with his baby mom and I don't know what to do now because I have feel good about abortion the child
By Joanna Brands (not verified) on 26 Jun 2019 - 10:53
I am 19 weeks pregnant and this was an unplanned pregnancy my S/O wanted me to abort the baby when I found out I was pregnant at 5 weeks. He lives in Florida (moved before he found out) and I live in Oregon. Abortion is against what I believe for a while I cut him out of my life and just made a decision to do things on my own since he was not supportive my decision to keep the baby. He has come around and made a decision to compromise and do whats best for the baby and us. I think in the beginning things can be said and done out of fear, I feel if we go with what our hearts tell us and do whats right in our minds then thats what matters. Hormones have a big play in pregnancy especially early on. I am grateful
i did not have an abortion and make such a important decision based off of fear. I pray you go with what your heart tells you and do not make a decision out of fear. I wish you the best <3
By Patrice (not verified) on 19 Jun 2019 - 17:43
I've been with my partner for 5 years. We have a 10 month old son and baby girl on the way. He's been very distant towards me since I've been pregnant with the second baby. I try to tell him that he worries me by staying out late and drinking to he passes out. I asked him does he wants to leave and co parent...he says no but his behavior tells me otherwise. I'm just fed up with him and ready to call it quits.
By Katie (not verified) on 9 Jun 2019 - 09:33
I’ve been with my boyfriend for 2 years and our relationship is wonderful, we both love each very much.
I always expressed my wishes for wanting to start a family together; he says he’s not ready or financially stable.
Last year when I thought I was pregnant; he told me to abort, he wouldn’t even consider the thought of keep it; we argued a lot and he drank heavily. Turn out to only be a scare.
This year I tried to talk to him about starting a family but he said he rather break up then us try for a baby.
So I told him I didn’t want to lose and that I wouldn’t mention it again.
So I decided to get pregnant without his permission; because I’m not wasting time; trying to find a new partner; that could be worse than him and going through the same situation as men are selfish bastards; who are never ready to give their selfish ways,
I’m prepared for him not being involved as my family are supportive and my mum said said if he doesn’t stick around; she will help raise the child as she raised I helped raise 5 children together as my father was a good for nothing selfish abusive human. So I know that’s a struggle and how much you have to give in order for a child’s happiness and I’m ready for that commitment with or with him.
As I rather raise my child alone with my family than be stuck into a unhappy situation and see my child suffering everyday. I truly love children and I’ve always wanted to have my own family.
My first pregnancy ; I was with my boyfriend for a year when I was 16 and I wanted to break up; so we did. He told to come watch a movie as friends; when I come over; he encouraged me to take drugs and get high; he then raped me in the bath, I woke the next day and had no recollection of what had happened.
I continued partying and taking drugs unaware of my pregnancy. Until one of my friends told me I looked pregnant.
I went to the doctor and I was 4 months! I knew I didn’t want a family with him as I would be stuck with him forever as he was would regularly punch me and kick to floor.
So I decided to end it and I did.
I don’t regret and it was bad timing, wrong partner and the amount of drugs I had taken I didn’t want enflict a disability on my child.
My 2nd pregnancy was with my boyfriend of 5 years; We both wanted children so we started trying and straight I was pregnant but didn’t know I was because I kept getting false readings on the rest so I ignore it til the morning sickness started. I went the doctor and he told me I was 3 months.
And I should have come in sooner.
Everything was fine and we went for the 20 week scan and found out I was carrying non identical twins; a boy and a girl. We was so happy til a few days later when I went into preterm labour and had a miscarriage at 5 months.
It was the most devastating thing in my life; We found out that I had caught an infection from our cat and there nothing we could have done to prevent the miscarriage; we tried to get through it but we became distant and then we broke up.
The point I’m trying to make is; pregnant can happen at anytime of a women’s life weather she expects or not; it’s about your decision to commit to the child; if the father doesn’t want to know; then it’s best to either manage on your own or find a new partner; don’t put up with abuse cause you only get used to more abuse and wasting your time being miserable.
Asking yourself would you put up with that kinda treatment if you weren’t expecting a child/ had child with his monster of a man? No.. way!
It’s hard I know but when someone doesn’t show you love; don’t try harder; give up and find a man that can love you and adopt your child as his own because then adleast the odds of being happy are in your favour.
I watched my mum struggling and severely abused by my father for 20 years and I wish she had taken us away from him and left him but she’s didn’t. Now she’s a shell of a person and completely mentally broken.
I urge any women reading this to empower yourself by removing yourself from an unhappy abusive situation, find a safe place; move house; move town, change your number; build your strength and confidence and find a man willing to commit and accept you a unit.
What hurts more than tears is wasted years!
Please get help; don’t suffer like this; my heart goes out to every women who’s going through abuse; Get out before it’s too late.
By China (not verified) on 21 Jun 2019 - 01:05
Great advice to all the women who are going through situations like these or similar ones. I'm sorry you had to go through all of that and your mom. God Bless You.
By Marissa (not verified) on 3 Jun 2019 - 18:26
I have been with my partner for three full years moved out everything. I never knew I could get pregnant as I had several harmonial problems.,. One day I took a test as I missed my period for five weeks, on some cycles this was normal. Test came positive and things have just been upside down since then. My partner is all about money. All he wants to do is buy a house so a day to day relationship enjoyments and dates are never there. I’m 7 weeks pregnant and we decided to tell my parents, he behaved so badly and Rudely to them and me and just walked out. I’m at the cross roads when I may have to raise this child alone or just end all this now so that my baby does not have to go through any of this pain. Any advise
By Joanna Brands (not verified) on 26 Jun 2019 - 11:03
If you do whats right and go with your heart then all will work out dont base your decision off of fear <3
By LittleMiss (not verified) on 31 May 2019 - 09:10
Im currently 16 weeks pregnant, this wasnt a planned pregnancy so was a shock. When we found out i was 6 weeks gone and me and my partner had only been together 2 months. Before the pregnancy the relationship was okay, it wasnt perfect but we was happy. As this pregnancy progressed i found myself tired all the time, constantly feeling sick and just wanting to shut everyone out. We live quite far from each other and was only seeing each other once a week. Somedays i could do without contact with him cause even the thought of going onto the phone made me feel really ill which frustrated him. Eventually we had argued about the same thing so much i felt like i was drowning and had to call it a day, this was around 3 weeks ago. A week after the split he went out on a date and is still now in contact with this girl. I thought id lost some feelings for him but now im unsure, im really upset and angry over the date and just want to reach out to him but i know if i try it makes things harder for him. He told me he loved me but i hadnt got that far feelings wise so was frustrated i couldn't return the feelings. The only contact we have is text as hes blocked me on everything. I understand i made him feel alone and wasnt there when he needed me but i felt like i couldnt keep my head above water and couldn't be there like he wanted. Now all the tiredness and nausea has passed im just constantly upset. I find myself checking my phone hoping hes messaged and then disappointed when he hasnt. I dont want to tell him exactly whats going on as im scared id just be leading him on if this is a want what you cant have. His family feel like ive used him to get pregnant and to claim off him. I dont know what todo anymore and im so scared of whats to come. We've tried clearing the air and hes said i can text if i ever need a chat but I'm scared of causing him more upset. How can you tell if this is a want what you cant have or if i do still have feelings for him? When i saw him last i felt so calm and relaxed even though we wasnt properly on speaking terms and i was feeling okay once i left for a few hours but cause i didnt hear off him ive been upset since. Is this normal with pregnancy hormones? Im all new to this and have nowhere or anyone to turn to.
By Eamon (not verified) on 10 Jun 2019 - 05:38
The only way to know whether or not you care for him is to have an honest and open relationship with him. You need to talk to him about your feelings and try to work things out. If he can't handle it, then at least you know that A.) You did everything you could to make it work and B.) He simply wasn't mature enough to handle a real relationship anyway. Because that's what a real relationship is. It's having messy, complicated feelings and having life throw struggles at you all the time and being brave enough and close enough to always be honest with each other and help each other through it all.