What is antenatal depression?
Antenatal depression is when you feel sad all the time for weeks or months during your pregnancy. The condition can vary from mild to severe and can affect women in different ways.
Some women have depression after having a baby. This is called postnatal depression.
Pregnancy can be a very emotional experience and it can sometimes be difficult to know whether your feelings are manageable or a sign of something more serious. Pregnancy hormones can affect your emotions, you may also have difficulty sleeping and you may be feeling sick. This can all make you feel low.
Trust yourself. You are the best judge of whether your feelings are normal for you. Talk to your midwife or GP if you think you have any symptoms of depression and they last for more than two weeks.
Depression is a mental health condition and not a sign of weakness, something that will go away on its own or that you should just ‘snap out of. Depression can be treated with the right care and support.
What are the symptoms of antenatal depression?
"Pregnancy is meant to be such a happy time but because we don’t talk about mental health in pregnancy women don’t know that it can be a very different story."
Typical signs of depression include if you:
- feel generally down most of the time
- can’t be bothered with things
- can’t concentrate or make decisions
- don’t enjoy life
- feel tearful
- feel irritable and don’t want to be with other people
- feel restless and agitated
- lose your self-confidence
- feel worthless
- feel guilty
- think about harming yourself or suicide.
You may not have all these symptoms and they may come on gradually or you may suddenly start to feel very low.
If you feel like you want to harm yourself or feel like you want to die, it’s important to tell someone. This could be a family member, friend, your GP or midwife. Help is available now if you need it. You can call the Samaritans on 116 123.
"I wasn’t sleeping well and I’d wake up with that horrible feeling of doom starting every day. I’d cry at the drop of a hat about things that wouldn’t normally make me cry."
How common is it?
“I just started feeling snappy, not my usual self at all – I shrugged it off at first and thought it was just my hormones playing up. However, it started to get worse. I knew I really wanted the baby, but I didn’t feel like I wanted it."
Clare, mum of one
What causes depression?
You may be more likely to get antenatal depression if you:
- have had depression before
- have anxiety
- are going through a very difficult life event, such as a bereavement or divorce
- don’t have support from family or friends
- are having an unplanned pregnancy
- have experienced domestic abuse or violence.
But anyone can get depression in pregnancy, even if they have no experience of anything in this list. It can happen out of the blue and affects women from all walks of life. You are not alone.
What should I do?
Tell your midwife or doctor how you feel. Some women feel very distressed or guilty at feeling low at a time when everyone expects them to be happy. Remember that healthcare professionals won’t judge you. They understand that depression is a mental health condition. It is not your fault, or something that you just need to ‘get over’ or move on from. They will focus on helping you find the right treatment and support so you can take care of yourself and your baby.
If you find it difficult to talk about your thoughts and feelings, you could write down what you want to say first, or you may want to have someone with you. The important thing is to let someone know so that you can get the right help as soon as possible.
It’s important to tell the midwife or doctor if you have had depression in the past because you may be more likely to get depression in this pregnancy or after you give birth. They can then give you the best support to reduce the chances of you getting depression again.
"I felt very tired, every time I sat down I’d just doze off to sleep. I never seemed to feel that glowing period that everybody talks about."
What is the treatment for depression?
Everyone is different, so treatments that may work for some people may not work for others. Your doctor will help you decide what’s best for you. You will probably also be referred to a perinatal mental health specialist and will be monitored more closely during and after your pregnancy.
The treatment you have will be your decision. Your healthcare professional can help you by talking to you about what you’d like to do and explaining the risks and benefits of all options.
They will also talk to you about:
- what’s best for your stage of pregnancy
- any risks medication may pose to your baby
- the risk that you might become unwell again without medication
- how bad your symptoms are
- whether you have had the condition before
- how well the medication has worked for you so far, if you are already taking it.
If the recommended treatment is antidepressants, your doctor will discuss the risks of the treatment to your baby, including:
- what is known about their safety during pregnancy
- whether the baby may have some mild symptoms when born and whether breastfeeding may reduce the possibility of these occurring.
If you would like to stop medication when you are pregnant, but medication is the best treatment for your depression, your doctor should talk to you about your reasons for wanting to stop medication and about the risks, if any, to you and your baby.
If you understand the risks to you and your baby and still decide to stop medication, your doctor should talk to you about other ways to manage your symptoms. For example, they may suggest talking therapies.
How can I help myself?
Depression can make you want to hide away from the world and you may feel like you don’t want to do anything. But it is important to make sure you take care of yourself. Start with little activities, take things at your own pace and most importantly, ask for help if you need it. Here are a few ideas for what you can do.
- Talk to someone you trust about your feelings, such as your partner, family or a friend.
- Try not to feel guilty, ashamed or embarrassed. These feelings are not your fault.
- Try some of our top tips for looking after your emotional wellbeing.
- Exercise as much as you can. Keeping active will release some feel-good endorphins.
- Eat well even if you don’t have much appetite.
- Avoid alcohol and smoking. This can harm your baby and make you feel worse.
- Don’t take St John’s Wort (although it can help with depression when you aren’t pregnant, we do not know if it is safe for pregnancy).
- Read about planning for emotional changes after birth.
Use the Tommy's Wellbeing Plan to think about how much support you will have.
Some mums expect to feel excited and happy throughout their pregnancy. Unfortunately this isn't always the case, but there are things you can do to take care of your mental health.
We all dream of floating calmly through pregnancy, but many women feel more vulnerable or anxious. Try our practical tips to help you relax in pregnancy.
It’s natural to get a bit stressed when you’re pregnant. Here are some ideas for how you can relax and look after your emotional wellbeing.
These are the treatments that are available if you have a mental health condition during or after pregnancy
Pregnancy and having a baby can be an exciting and demanding time for women. If you have a mental health condition it brings extra challenges and you are at higher risk of relapse during this time than at others.
Myths and facts about mental health
Clinical Knowledge Summaries (2015) Depression antenatal and postnatal https://cks.nice.org.uk/depression-antenatal-and-postnatal#!topicsummary
NHS Choices Clinical Depression https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/clinical-depression/treatment/ (Page last reviewed: 05/10/2016. Next review due: 05/10/2019)Hide details
ℹLast reviewed on October 19th, 2018. Next review date October 19th, 2021.
By Madelaine (not verified) on 16 Feb 2020 - 17:06
I’m 14 weeks pregnant with a planned pregnancy, me and my partner already have a 2 year old and she’s my world. With my first pregnancy my partner was extremely distant, he would never talk about the baby, discuss names or show affection. I struggled with this, she was born without a name for two weeks. I had the most traumatic birth, emergency c section and developed sepsis, thought I was going to die. The recovery was hard. Shortly after my doctor told me I had post traumatic stress.
Once she was born my partner was fantastic, and still is with her. We both love her to bits. Two years later I fell pregnant with my second, expecting it to be different this time, but almost instantly he slipped back into his old ways, he doesn’t ever talk about it, my bump developed quite quickly this time and he just ignores it. I’m gutted, I feel totally alone and extremely worried about the birth. I have no one to tell how I’m feeling. Since 8 weeks I have no interest in doing anything, I cry a lot, I feel frustrated and stressed, in fact I spend most the time in bed. I really struggle to do anything. I’m usually very active and horse ride but I can’t do that anymore, my partner is out 3 times a week and I work until 9pm the other days. I have no life and feel totally trapped and hopeless, I find little joy in life.
By Midwife @Tommys on 18 Feb 2020 - 12:32
I am ever so sorry to hear what a difficult time you are going through. Have you sat down and had a chat with your husband about how you are feeling? He might not mean to be acting the way he is. He might be very excited, but pre-occupied with other things. Please try to talk to him about this as it is affecting you so much. You should also talk to your midwife about your low mood. She will be able to support you, offer you more or longer appointments slots, or perhaps even refer you to a specialist perinatal mental health midwife who cares for women who are not feeling emotionally well during their pregnancy. You are also very welcome to call us for a chat on our helpline on 0800 0147800. We are here Mon to Fri, 9 am to 5pm. We are very used to having conversations about mental health and low mood in pregnancy. The service is anonymous so you can give as much or as little detail as you want to. Please know that we are here for you- with listening ears and so much advice! You do not need to bottle this up and go through it alone. Love, Tommy's Midwife x
By Nicki (not verified) on 5 Jan 2020 - 13:33
I’ve suffered with anxiety and depression for years and was on citalopram. I’m now 8 weeks pregnant with my first and when I first found out 3 weeks ago I went to the GP and they took me off the meds straight away. I’ve been feeling very emotional and depressed even tho this pregnancy was planned, albeit a month or two earlier than planned! I feel useless, constantly nauseas and feel guilty for feeling like this. My boyfriend is supportive but feel like I’m letting him down. I don’t want to see anyone or do anything.
By Midwife @Tommys on 8 Jan 2020 - 16:35
Coming off your meds "cold turkey" isn't usually a good idea for your mental health. If you need to be on medication, there are medications that are pregnancy safe and both your Midwife or Gp can help you to decide what's best for you. Please see your Midwife as soon as you possibly can to discuss your options. She may also refer you to a mental health specialist midwife team if you are happy with this - you will receive extra support via such a service. Please get yourself seen as soon as you can, you don't need to suffer alone. Take care, Tommy's Midwife
By Betty (not verified) on 2 Jan 2020 - 08:59
I am now 10+4 weeks pregnant, we have been trying for a few months and so happy I've got pregnant. But happiness did not lasted long I am afraid, as I recently changed my job and turned out this new job is not what it looked like and I absolutely hate it but I can not leave now as we need the money for the baby. I have now got to the point that I do not enjoy anything anymore as keep thinking that I ned to return to work. I can not be botherd to do any housework, very unlike me and after work I just sleep and the same over the weekends. I am also a part time student but this situation caused me to not be bothered to do any studying and need to ask for an extension for every assignment. I am currently doing a degree that I enjoyed very much before but I can not get myself in to doing any studying. When I am at work I cry and feel so tired I am falling asleep. I am not sure what I can do to survive the months I have left until maternity, I keep counting the days but I am afraid I will not be able to stay here. My manager knows I am pregnant and she is not the most pleasant person to deal with. I am really not sure what I can do to be able to survive until I get maternity leave.
By K (not verified) on 3 Jan 2020 - 21:53
Hi Betty, so sorry to hear you’re having a tough time in your pregnancy. I’m the same with my pregnancy. I have awful managers but there is light at the end of the tunnel. All you have to think is that you will be on your maternity leave and it will come around quicker then you think, therefore not dealing with your manager plus you’ll have your bundle of joy and trust me you forget your worries when baby is here. I would keep trying with your studies (just remember why you’re doing it, what made you want to do your degree) how your feeling is normal, tiredness / emotional these are all the perks of being pregnant. Speak with your partner or your family / friends. A problem shared is a problem halved. Hope you feel better soon. X K
By Katie (not verified) on 21 Dec 2019 - 08:14
I'm 20 years old and 13 weeks pregnant, first baby. When i found out i was pregnant i was excited but nervous of the unknown. Everything has been going fine but my mood is so erratic and i'm feeling so low all the time. I don't want to get out of bed most of the time and my partners been trying to get me to go out but i have no where to go or anyone to see. My Dad died in Feb and Mum died in September both this year and i thought it might be that at first because i've come to the realisation, that people who said they were here for me...aren't. I've always suffered severe anxiety and have had depression in the past and i'm worried it might be setting in again. Can someone give me advice? I'm scared.
By Midwife @Tommys on 23 Dec 2019 - 16:20
I'm so sorry to hear what a tough time you are having and of the loss of both your parents too. This is incredibly hard to deal with and even more so when pregnant.
I would suggest you speak to your midwife about how you are feeling and your history of severe anxiety and depression. Some maternity services have special teams of midwives to support those needing extra mental health support in pregnancy, so she may be able to refer you to them. Or your midwife or GP may be able to refer you to a nearby perinatal mental health team.
Most importantly please talk to either one or both of them ASAP, so they can offer help and support before you feel any worse.
If you'd like to talk through your feelings, please ring us for a chat. There is a midwife on the end of the phone 9-5pm Monday to Friday.
Very best wishes to you
Jules - Tommy's midwife
By Tia (not verified) on 20 Dec 2019 - 00:21
I’m 19 years old 21 weeks pregnant with an unplanned first child. I was really scared at first thinking about what people would think and how I would get everything the baby needed as money is a bit of a struggle. Then I was really excited and none of that mattered anymore because I would find a way. Now I just feel like there’s no hope. I’m trying to find a place to live but that’s difficult when I don’t have a job. My partner doesn’t help he leave everything to me. He’s so disinterested won’t talk about the baby won’t talk to the baby doesn’t really want to feel him kick. I just feel like iv got no one in my corner telling me I can do this. And I’m scared my partner is only with me still because it was the right thing to do. I feel so upset I spend most of the time asleep and when I am awake I cry all the time but no one seems to notice. Iv given up with trying to wash my hair because no one seems to want to help me even tho iv asked (we only have a bath and my hairs to long to wash in the bath) I feel really alone but I also feel trapped
By Midwife @Tommys on 20 Dec 2019 - 10:35
I am really sorry to hear that you do not feel well supported by your partner. Do you have a relative or close friend that you can confide in and get support from? Does your midwife know how you are feeling also? She may be able to put you in touch with some other young mothers near to where you live. Take care of yourself and make sure you get the help that you need! Tommy's Midwife
By Angela (not verified) on 3 Dec 2019 - 21:09
Hi, im 24wks and 4 days. We planned and wanted to be pregnant. We were so happy. 1st tri, I had mood swings..mostly sad and tired but I was able to get over it. I made an effort to really get out of it. Early 2nd trimester was exciting, I was happy until they found that my cervix was way too short and i might deliver my baby at 20wks (not viable yet) i had to be on bedrest and had to have cerclage. I had to stop working, stay home, cant even hang out with our friends. I am a very active woman, career wise and socially. This sudden change is really affecting me. I feel useless, hopeless and very dependent on others. When my family is around, im happy (or atleast show them that I can bcoz i dont want them to worry) but when im by myself i cry and i feel guilty. My husband as sister tries to accommodate all these changes. But house chores sometimes doesnt get done in days. House is dirty, used dishes piling up, its just a mess. I end up cleaning the house even though im supposed to be on bedrest. The complain that theres so much dishes to wash etc because they wait for the other to wash it. So i end up washing all of it just so they both dont complain. But im tired, my body aches and im scared my suture will open up.
Im sad, annoyed and trapped in this situation. Help
By Kay (not verified) on 14 Aug 2019 - 23:36
I’m 16 weeks pregnant with my first child.I had a miscarriage three years ago and always loved children so I’ve always wanted to have a baby. but never expected that I’ll be feeling this way. I’ve had depression before and thought it’s all over now I was happy at first when I find out that I was pregnant then I found out that my boyfriend is cheating on me and ever since then my life has been hell I feel like he doesn’t support me and I feel alone all the time I feel worthless and always have Suicidal thoughts I’ve even tried cutting myself .Sometimes I think I want to have an abortion then I change my mind and I remember how long I’ve been waiting to get pregnant again it’s just not a nice feeling and I want to end it all. I have sleepless nights crying all the time ... I get in Anxiety and my boyfriend thinks I’m just acting up and trying to emotionally blackmail him. I so confused and don’t know what to do
By Jen (not verified) on 25 Aug 2019 - 01:55
Please talk to you Doctor about your suicidal thoughts and self harm. You will get through this.
By Jenny (not verified) on 26 Jun 2019 - 15:58
I'm 10 +3 with my 3rd pregnancy (I've had 2 prior miscarriages) and I'm feeling so miserable. I'm crying all the time, feel like I don't want to do anything apart from sleep. I know I should feel happy I'm having a baby (a much wanted baby) but I'm finding it so difficult. I hope I will feel better after I've had my scan coz I can't shake the feeling something is going to be wrong. I've also quit smoking so that is making me more anxious and I don't know what to do
By Shell (not verified) on 21 Jun 2019 - 17:10
I'm 30 weeks pregnant with 3rd child , I am happy to be having this baby that is not my issue, I just feel alone I cry everyday alot I'm very snappy I try to reach out to family/friends but they either not interested or they tell me it's because your pregnant but this is more than that , my partner has become very cold towards me says comments like go on cry again ,I'm physically exhausted don't get much help with anything other than from my children 12 and 7 who are wonderful in assisting with chores but this than makes me feel guilty that they picking up my slack , iv always been support for other people and they still expect it from me but don't give it back I just feel fed up all the time I have zero appetite atm only eat as I have to for baby no interest in anything at all I'm just at my wits end
By Rose (not verified) on 13 Jun 2019 - 09:22
I don't know where to start but this is my 4th pregnancy, I have a 3yrs old who is super active. I never wanted another child but this one came unplanned. Hubby wanted an abortion but I was afraid so we decided to bring the baby. I think I'm around 12- 14 weeks. This pregnancy has me sick daily I'm in bed most of the times, headaches are terrible so I am unable to function properly. I hardly have an interest in taking care of myself anymore. I recently overheard hubby with his best friend talking how I am lazy all I do is sleep and he wishes if he could leave us because he is so frustrated with doing all the house chores. He never planned for his life to be this way and I'm not empathetic to him. Prior to this I think I am lapsing into depression I think daily of aborting this child, I have suicidal thoughts daily, I think of driving the car off the bridge with me & the children so hubby can be free of us. I hardly sleep at nights anymore, I break down daily into tears I'm like an emotional roller coaster. If only someone could understand what I am going through. I feel like running away. I'm planning on leaving hubby this month so he can be free I feel like a burden to him. I started drinking alcohol I just feel so broken by this pregnancy. I am so afraid of what life have inside for me I just feel like ending it all.
By I (not verified) on 14 Jun 2019 - 08:09
Hi, sorry you are feeling so down but you have other children to think about. I’m not a professional but I can tell that you are in deep depression! Please think about the children in your care who love you, need you and rely on you. You are loved. Please seek help!
By Bella (not verified) on 21 Jun 2019 - 23:39
Hey rose! I read your comment and I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way. You’re not alone though. There’s a lot of people that go through mental health issues. I can say from my experience that there’s a light at the end of the tunnel, just keep pushing. Take it from me who had to deal with sexual abuse since 5 yr old for 7 years, rape & emotional and mental abuse. I just think of all the times I had suicidal thoughts and just think what if i done it I wouldn’t be here carrying my baby right now. What did help me is talking to a professional and getting on anti depressants. It sounds like you are pass your first trimester? If so I’m sure you can talk to your Dr or midwife and explain what’s going on and have them put you on some sort of meds that is safe for you and the baby. Also, try to find someone to talk to at-least once a week. You have kids and it’s ok to not feel like you’re strong right now and it’s ok to ask for help. Maybe sitting down with your husband and explaining everything you said here will help him understand you more. We tend to think guys can mind read but they just need to be told what going on with us and tell him what you need from him at this time where you are feeling defeated. Keep your head up, things will look up for you, the family and the new blessing you are carrying.
By Annie (not verified) on 15 Jul 2019 - 18:30
So sorry, you feel that way Rose. I felt exactly like that 4 years ago, wishing I could just drive my car off the bridge while my 3yo and baby were crying in the back of the car. And visualising throwing my baby son flying through the window when he woke me 10 times a night. My circumstances were slightly different, I was pretty much raising them alone as ex husband not only wasn't supportive or helpful he was abusive towards me. I tried to ask for help but midwifes/ health visitors were not taking me seriously. But somehow I pulled through and the kids are still alive :) I'm since divorced, found the love of my life and expecting his baby. He is much more understanding and supportive but I still do feel down sometimes due to other issues. I just wanted to say please please get some help/support. Either a therapy (i found free ones online, the waiting list was a good few months but they helped a lot) or friends, relatives who can come over for a chat or even maybe to help out (i had my aunt over for two weeks to deepclean the whole house). I think you should talk to your husband too to see that is the way he really feel or maybe he is just tired/stressed too. Men just simply do not understand how horrible it can be to be pregnant sometimes...
By jsb (not verified) on 9 Jun 2019 - 15:00
I'm 23 weeks pregnant with my second child. My first child is 2. When I first found out, I was a little down about it because I don't have much of a support system here. I stay 3 hours away from my family and I don't have much of a social life here. As the weeks went on, I became more and more excited. But now I'm at a point where I just get these moods and I feel down. I feel down about myself. I worry about how I will be able to manage two kids The father and I are together but I still have these moods. I don't know anyone here other than the people I work with which are older. I don't have many friends back in my hometown but the few I have, I only see them every couple of months. I was reading the signs of depression above and I have just about all of them except for wanting to harm myself or others. Is there anything I can do to make this better? I am so afraid that I will fall into postpartum depression after the baby's arrival. I didn't go through this with my first baby.
By Chloe Eldred (not verified) on 5 Jun 2019 - 11:13
I’m 18 weeks pregnant with my second child My 1st born is 6 years a couple years ago I suffered a miscarriage so I’m really over moon about this pregnancy me and my partner can’t wait I have suffered with anxiety and depression for 9 years and was on medication but it was stopped due to pregnancy and I just Feel useless all the time I struggle to get day to day things done like taking my son to school I feel angry most days and just want to sleep I found that I’m biting at my partner a lot for nothing I just feel like I’m in a black whole and can’t get out
By J (not verified) on 30 May 2019 - 21:51
This pregnancy was planned, I’m 12 weeks and feel like I’m struggling. It’s not everyday I’m feeling like this but at times I cry for no reason at all, don’t have any interest in doing or going anywhere, feel sad, get headaches, tiredness and feel useless. My husband is amazing and has mentioned before maybe I might be suffering with depression before but he works away and I don’t want to add anymore stress or worry on him because that makes me feel really awful and bad. I am extremely happy about being pregnant so these mixed feelings are really baffling me.
By Poppy (not verified) on 28 Mar 2019 - 20:12
I'm pregnant I'm 31 weeks I feel Soo depressed wat can I do to heal it
By Midwife @Tommys on 24 Apr 2019 - 12:03
I'm sorry to hear that you are feeling depressed.Depression , anxiety and other mental health issues are fairly common in pregnancy and there is lots of support available to you.
Please don't hesitate to contact us on Tommy's PregnancyLine 0800 0147 800 or via email at [email protected] so that we can give you more personal support. You can also call PANDAS (Pre and Postnatal Depression Advice and Support) on 0843 28 98 401-the helpline is available 7 days a week 9am-8pm
It's important to discuss your feelings with your midwives or GP as they can offer to refer you for counselling and other support if you want. Can you talk to your partner, family or friends about how you are feeling?
The following links also have information that may be helpful to you-
By santanu majumder (not verified) on 14 Mar 2019 - 19:11
Very helpful article. I am a pharmacist from India. I saw many patients during pregnancy.
Nice informative article.
By Sophie Davis (not verified) on 14 Mar 2019 - 15:17
I've just turned 14 weeks pregnant, and I have been feeling like I've hit a brick wall in my job. Even before I was pregnant my job would ask to much of me, but I was happy to do it because I'm always happy to help. However, the job now is making me wake up in tears really not wanting to go because I feel like I'm under so much pressure to perform the way I used to prior to pregnancy. We are very short staffed and I don't think I can keep up with the job load any more. I still have a few months before I can go on maternity but I'm really not sure how much longer my body and my mental state can cope. But at the same time, I can't afford to leave because I need to keep making money for my child. I'm feeling so stuck and lost right now. What should I do? I don't want to stay in a place that stresses me out and makes me feel so down, but I also feel like I have to stay in order to keep a roof over my head and survive. Please help.
By Midwife @Tommys on 20 Mar 2019 - 10:37
It sounds like you desperately need to talk to your line manager or HR manager. They need to help to support you as work is clearly making you feel unwell both whilst in work as well as in your own time. They need to find a way to ensure that you can take some time out if you are feeling things are getting too much. Pregnancy can be a difficult time but your place of work are responsible for helping you in work related stress and anxiety. You can also visit your GP, who could potentially sign you off work for a couple of weeks so that you have some time to reflect and decide what plan of action you and your place of work can come to. Please also look at our pages on work in pregnancy here - https://www.tommys.org/pregnancy-information/im-pregnant/pregnancy-and-work
Please feel free to get in touch with us via email if we can be of any further support.
By Alyssa van Putten (not verified) on 9 May 2019 - 15:38
OMG this is my exact same story, same way I'm feeling right now. Did you get an answer on what to do? I'm searching for answers too, please help me
By Happy (not verified) on 16 Oct 2019 - 11:12
Pls i need help
By Shabeena khan (not verified) on 26 Feb 2019 - 06:38
Lots of fun and easy to understand.. makes the worry of anticipation go away because you know what to expect before it happens.. and where to look if u have questions. Overall every part and section is superb of this website.
By Lonely (not verified) on 20 Feb 2019 - 15:44
All of my family and friends live in the UK. I moved to Canada for my partner in 2016; we got married last year and I'm now nearly 19 weeks pregnant. I love my husband very much and he is wonderful and supportive, but he just started working in a different city from where we live. I have no friends in the city where we live despite being here for over two years. I also work in the medical profession, but am starting to resent the differences between working in the UK versus Canada, and this is making me irritated and apathetic lately at work. Before the baby comes I need to learn how to drive in Canada, pass a big exam in May for my profession and also move house to the city where my husband now works. I just feel overwhelmed and have no friends to hang out with or whinge to. I'm not even sure that trying to find other Mum's-to-be in antenatal classes will be helpful, as we're going to need to move in the next few months anyway.
By Vic Graham (not verified) on 9 Mar 2019 - 18:47
So sorry you are feeling this way but you really are not alone with these feelings. It is very hard being away from family and friends and places you know and love especially when you are going through pregnancy and you are all over the place emotionally. I am 20 weeks and I felt lonely all the time as my hubby also works away. A good idea is to join the Antenatal classes or a pregnancy yoga class or some other mum to be type of thing and meet other ladies that although may not be in the same position as you emotionally, they will be going through pregnancy and will know about that side of it and tell you their worries and woes and hearing/sharing some of this will help you. It doesn’t matter that you might move away, what matters is how you can help yourself to feel better now. You have a lot coming up which is adding to stress and you need to try and take one thing at a time and not let it take over. Easier said than done I know!
I really hope you reach out and join something just to get out and meet a few people for the meantime. You should also speak to your husband and tell him you are feeling down. Is there any way a family member could come and visit for a little while? I hope it all works out well, I am sure it will. One thing we can be certain of is that when the babies arrive there will be plenty of other things to concentrate on!!
Good luck with it all.
By Anonymous (not verified) on 19 Feb 2019 - 01:37
I’m 26wks pregnant with my first bubba. It was a surprise but my love and I are super excited about it. It’s a transition, but it’s exciting. We have been together since 14yrs old, ten years we have been so close with all the roller coaster adventures and experiences of growing up in an intense relationship. . Lately I’ve been feeling really down and not good enough for him. Like he is better off with someone else, that I’m lazy and not fun or social or interesting. Ive been unmotivated and tired and feel like I just laze around and not do much.. he gives me love and support and is someone I can always rely on and talk to about all of this.. but I think I’m going crazy because I just really think he is hiding stuff from me, his true thoughts. That he doesn’t really love me anymore, he would rather be with other women. I think he has more fun with other people, especially when I’m not there. That he connects with other women more, on a sexual level as well.. I’m struggling a little with my body image just because I’ve never been so big. When people tell me I’m glowing or look healthy (which people even fandoms often do) I dismiss it and don’t believe them. I don’t know if it’s hormones or am I falling down the rabbit hole? I’ve been depressed before (19-21yrs) and so understand that thoughts can be so dangerous. And I try to not let these control me but it’s getting harder to suppress and pretend I’m okay. . I just want to know if this is normal? Or am I in trouble? Am
I just being crazy? Or .. maybe.. am I seeing things clearly and picking up on these vibes that my partner is not feeling the same way... will these feelings go away soon?
By Midwife @Tommys on 21 Feb 2019 - 13:52
Hi, Thank you for your comment.
It sounds like you are struggling a little with intrusive thoughts and this is effecting your mood and judgement within your relationship. It can be very normal to go through many emotions during pregnancy, but it is also important to recognise when you feel like you are not managing as much as you did and you may have reached this point. You need to be proud of yourself for speaking up and reaching out for help and advice, this is the first step. It can be very common for women to experience mental health issues in pregnancy if you have had depression in the past so please don't be hard on yourself, feel reassured that help and support is there and this will get better. We would recommend that you speak to your midwife or GP about how you are feeling as soon as you can, they will be able to advice you on what support is available to you and may even refer you to the specialist mental health midwife at the hospital if this service is available. They are there as another source of support and reassurance at this time. Try and speak to your partner or a family member, someone you trust about how you are feeling, this will help you to have support close to you. You can always call the Tommy's Midwives on 0800 0147 800 Monday to Friday 9am - 5pm if you want to talk about anything and we are hear to listen and give you support. Hope this helps, Take Care, Tommy's Midwives xx
By Anonoymous (not verified) on 1 Feb 2019 - 18:23
I'm currently 21 weeks pregnant with my second child, I already have a 4 year old son. I'm really struggling with any motivation to do anything, I suffer with restless legs which has become worse during pregnancy, my legs also feel itchy alot of the time and it's driving my insane. I'm awake every couple of hours during the night, occasionally for more than an hour at a time. I'm constantly tired and feel like crying . I don't feel like doing anything yet I'm so bored "relaxing" at home. I just feel rubbish all the time. I have no energy and it's starting to really get to me now . I feel like there's ages to go yet as well but I can't wait to have this baby.
By Midwife @Tommys on 14 Feb 2019 - 14:15
Hi, Thank you for your comment.
Sorry to hear that you have been feeling so low lately, it can be common that pregnancy can cause you to feel all sorts of emotions but what is positive is that you have recognised that your mood isn't improving and you are seeking help. You don't say that you have any history of mental health issues in the past but it would be advisable that you speak to your midwife or GP about how you are feeling. They will be able to give you further support and advice on what is available so that you can start to manage and talk about these feelings. Speaking up and getting support is the best thing in pregnancy because the support is there is you need it. Hope this helps, take care, Tommy's Midwives x
By Emma (not verified) on 26 Jan 2019 - 11:53
I am really struggling with my second pregnancy. Have had sickness the whole time and being self employed cannot take time off for it - work 7 days a week. My 3 year old is noticing I can’t play with him like I used to and I feel so guilty that I can’t even walk the dogs without throwing up the whole way. The last month I’ve almost given up looking after myself, not to mention the house. I don’t care about my appearance, hygiene, socialising, my work And don’t seem to be able to enjoy things. My husband has been supportive but I can’t explain how I’m feeling, “it’s just the hormones”. I’m nearly 14 weeks and nausea/sickness is just getting worse. I have never thought of harming myself and I am so happy to be having this baby but am struggling to just get through each day. I struggle with my anxiety which seems to be made worse with everything. I just want to feel something of myself again and maybe even manage a smile for the customers at least.
By Midwife @Tommys on 29 Jan 2019 - 15:09
Hi Emma. it sounds like you need to get your GP for review as soon as you can. They might be able to give you some anti - sickness medication - as this has gone on for so long now for you. Whilst at your GP, you can also tell them about how you have been feeling very low (which is not surprising since you have been feeling so unwell, for so many weeks now) and to see if you would benefit from a referral to see the midwife specialising in mental health. You can also let your own midwife know about how you have been feeling, she can offer to see you more often during this pregnancy.
If you wish to have a friendly chat anytime, we are here Mon to Fri on the helpline and would be very happy to chat with you. Sending all the best, Tommy's Midwife
By Anonymous (not verified) on 26 Jan 2019 - 11:09
My partners sister hasn't taken the news of us expecting very well and avoids talking about it. It's the elephant in the room and we feel we can't talk about it in front of her, everyone avoids the subject when she's there.... It's making me feel down and upset all the time. I don't feel excited I feel bad and guilty but I'm also angry at her for making me feel this way. Everyone tells me to continue as normal but it's easier said than done... And they don't even talk about it!
By Midwife @Tommys on 29 Jan 2019 - 13:51
Hi there. Might it be possible to sit down with her privately and talk to her about the "Elephant in the room". She may not be aware of how she is making you feel, which I am sure would not be her intent. She may have had a difficult experience in trying to conceive or have had a miscarriage - it might be worth reaching out to her and asking her if she is doing ok as you are worried about her. You might find, that by you addressing her concerns, she then processes your news and makes it less difficult for you in turn. Which would be of benefit to everyone by the sound of it. If you need to talk about your own mental health, please feel free to get in touch with us via our helpline or email. We would be happy to hear from you. All the best, Tommy's Midwife
By Anonymous (not verified) on 17 Jan 2019 - 19:50
So I'm 12 weeks pregnant and have no energy to do anything what so ever. I've tryed foods with energy boosting substances however it's not working. I already have a 3 year old and am struggling to gain enough energy to play with her for long periods of time. I also feel very emotional and most nights will sit in bed crying, I feel so lonely at these times even though my husband is laying next to me. I've spoke to my husband about my feelings however he's a typical lads lad and I don't feel as though he truly understands, however he does support me as much as he can. What can I do to gain more energy and motivation also reduce the emotional times?
By Midwife @Tommys on 18 Jan 2019 - 13:38
I am sorry to hear that you are feeling unwell and having a difficult time at the moment. It sounds like it would be helpful, if you haven't already, is to get the results of your booking bloods to check your iron levels to make sure that they are not low. Otherwise it sounds like you need a little support with your emotional well being, it may be helpful to speak with your GP or midwife about how you are feeling. They will be able to talk further about how you are feeling and make a supportive care plan to help you through this pregnancy.
If you would like to talk further then please do be in touch, [email protected]
By Taylor (not verified) on 21 Dec 2018 - 02:14
I just found out i was pregnant about a week and a half ago from a home pregnancy test. I had arranged for an abortion because, my fiance is currently the only one working, we have two girls (6) & (4) already and i was so overwhelmed when i found out, I wasnt happy about it, I wasnt excited at all either. Just the feeling of overwhelming worry came over me and i havent been able to shake it at all. Were already struggling to get by, and before finding this out i was worried all the time so stress, and anxiety are nothing new to me. this feeling though is much stronger i feel so low, sad and competely worthless i never felt this bad with my previous pregnancies and it scares me. I even obtained a new job today that will really help us out but im still feeling so depressed, worried, sad and scared not knowing what i should do. Part of me doesnt want another baby and another part of me knows i can do it i guess. Idk what to do i feel so lost and sad and scared
By Midwife @Tommys on 3 Jan 2019 - 12:06
I am so sorry to hear how you are feeling and what you are going through at the moment. It sounds like such a difficult time for you, and a decision that is not to be rushed, it is important to take the time to decide what is right for you and your family. It may help to have some counselling or someone to talk to about your situation, you could see your GP or there may be an organisation local to you who you can make an appointment with. If you would like some help with this then please do email us [email protected]
By Sophie (not verified) on 24 Nov 2018 - 13:01
I am due my second baby in 3 weeks and my daughter is 21 months old. She has always been quite a demanding toddler but has got exceptionally worse at the moment. Shes not sleeping well anymore and i am barely getting any sleep. I feel as though i have been down for a long time now. Im not excited about the arrival of the new baby, I don't enjoy anyone's company or a lot of things I used to enjoy before i had children. I feel a lot of this is down to my anticipation of my daughters behaviour and mood is making me too anxious to do anything with her. I just feel utterly miserable and i know this cant be helping my toddlers mood either- I constantly feel like i'm not a good enough parent.
I know i should contact my gp and midwife- have contacted my gp before when i lost my 1st pregnancy and I found there was little support and the councillor didnt help at all. Theres no way im going to get any help before the baby arrives through the nhs and i dont see how i'll be able to manage with a newborn on top of this. I just feel lost.
By Midwife @Tommys on 26 Nov 2018 - 14:31
Hi Sophie, Why don't you give us a call here at Tommy's 0800 0147 800. This is actually quite common and you are not alone. Many toddlers of this age become increasingly demanding as the birth becomes more imminent. They want and need more and more attention and many get difficult or angry with mum. Please be reassured this behaviour is normal and unlikely to be conveyed towards the baby, interestingly some toddlers actually become quite protective of their baby.
It takes a community to bring up a child and no one can do it on their own. To verbalise how you are feeling shows that you are a normal mother and easily a good enough parent.
Firstly, I would try to find some family or friend support just to give you a break and a chance to catch up on much needed sleep before and after the birth. Also try to find some story books about 'having a new baby' and get your toddler a doll to nurture (Let her play at being a mummy).
Also if she goes to nursery or play group, talk to other mums about play dates as this local networking can be invaluable for your sanity. You may disagree, but I don't think it is counselling that you need, it is practical day to day support. Your health visitor will contact you very soon and is the best person to talk to about these issues. They should know about the local area and be able to introduce you to others in the same situation.
I wish you all the best and please don't forget that we are also here to support you through the next few weeks. With best wishes from Tommy's midwives x
By Brigitta (not verified) on 23 Jan 2019 - 16:54
I found the nhs counselling was totally useless too after losing my baby. If you are still feeling depressed (I realise you wrote in November), I would advise you to go to cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) instead. In my experience that can make a real difference.
By Becky (not verified) on 8 Nov 2018 - 16:16
I just want some advice really it's nothing major but I'm 26 weeks pregnant now with my second baby and I feel like I'm much more emotional with this one than I was with my first. I'll go weeks of feeling OK and then get a few days to a week where I cry at everything, I can't be bothered to do anything and find myself snapping at people for no reason including my 5 year old daughter and then crying about it after because I know it's me not them. I can't seem to snap out of it and I'm scared I'm going to just get worse and never be happy especially when this baby is born
By Midwife @Tommys on 12 Nov 2018 - 12:29
Well done for noticing this in yourself and asking for advice and support. What a wonderful woman and mummy you are!
The best people to help you in this pregnancy with your low mood, (it's a team effort), is your Midwife and your GP. Make an apt to see them both for as soon as possible to discuss how you have been feeling and they will be able to support you via more appointments in pregnancy, referral to other local support services if you want them (like counselling services or referral to the perinatal mental health team who specialise in pregnant mothers with low mood/anxiety/depression/ptsd etc) They will help you to get back to feeling ore yourself again very soon
You are also always welcome to email ([email protected]'s.org) or call us on the pregnancyline directly if you need a friendly chat or advice.
All the best, Tommy's Midwife